Just needed to be heard for a little while

Pyxis

Much better to cuddle dumbass dog than clean! That's what I call priorities!
:A

heartbreak_star

Do any of you visit the Old Style board? There's lots of decluttering tips and things on there - could you match 15 minutes of DDog cuddling with 15 minutes cleaning?

HBS x

tea_lover

How did it go pyxis? My niece got a ukelele for christmas and I really want to have a go on it. I started flute lessons again a couple of months ago and I'm loving it (learnt 20+ yrs ago but had barely played since). Definitely good for my mental health.

seven-day-weekend

Pyxis wrote: »

Maybe not Uni essays, but primary school exercise books? And ditto from age 11 to 16?
They chart ones own development, and it's so sweet to see handwriting and teachers' comments! :rotfl:
Children might not be interested until they have children of their own , then they might. And grandchildren might. That's the rationale behind my thinking, plus the thought that I'd love to have some of my parents' schoolbooks! If nothing else, they would chart the differences in teaching methods!
Of course, I wouldn't keep absolutely everything!


I know, I know, I'm justifying my hoarding, but to be honest, all that sentimental stuff is only a small part of the total Stuff.

I have never had any of my primary school books, I assume my parents threw them away . I would not have kept them anyway, however. My mum wanted me to take my school blazer when I got married, I can't imagine why she thought I would want that!

However, each to their own and if it means something to you then of course you will keep it

DUKE

I too throw everything out & do wish that I'd kept some of my school books .... The first sign of any sort of mess (as I call it) makes me feel ill & sets me off checking everything.

tea_lover

I find the problem is that once I've kept something for a while, it's then much harder to get rid off - even if I didn't want it in the first place.

I've got the whole of my Guides uniform under the bed. What on earth for?? If I'd got rid of it when I left Guides I wouldn't have given it a second thought. But now I've dragged it around various house moves for over 20 years it seems like a much bigger deal to get rid.

I hate having too much stuff, and I really do have too much. But because it's hidden away I can convince myself it's not there lol. 95% of our home is incredibly tidy and not cluttered at all. It's the box room, under the beds and (shamefully) my old bedroom at my parents' house that are the problem areas.

Waves_and_Smiles

Good morning all! The new landlady turned up, not the letting agent! She seems nice enough and our windows have been measured. I can relax a bit now!SDW, I can only make a guess at how the women felt about her hoarding in the programme you watched by comparing it to myself.

My hoarding reached such a point that I was as bad as, if not worse than the people you see on tv. In the end I couldn't throw anything away, including empty tin cans and old newspapers and food packaging. Every part of the floor and furniture was covered it items and rubbish and it was declared unfit to live in by Environmental Health who cleaned it all for me.

There was a point I reached where I simply didn't know where to start cleaning, I was completely overwhelmed by the size of the task and extremely upset just at the thought of it. Even if it had meant I could have seen my granddaughter at that point I would have still filled up the room because I had nowhere to move items too, they overflowed onto every available space. I couldn't handle cleaning it, I felt absolute terror at throwing anything away. Eventually I had a therapist come into my home once it was clean and work with me for 3 hours a week teaching me how to overcome the fear, we would literally throw things in the bin together. It wasn't a question of being lazy or untidy, I was absolutely terrified to throw anything away.

Now I have a lot of clutter but that is all it is, clutter. It isn't dirty and I don't hoard rubbish but the urge is still there if I feel depressed or scared. Items around me make me feel safe, like building a wall between me and the world. It is a mental illness and not just a question of not being bothered, I want to live in a tidy house and love being in a tidy environment belonging to others. But for myself it means feeling exposed and vulnerable and is still very hard.

seven-day-weekend

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

Good morning all! The new landlady turned up, not the letting agent! She seems nice enough and our windows have been measured. I can relax a bit now!SDW, I can only make a guess at how the women felt about her hoarding in the programme you watched by comparing it to myself.

My hoarding reached such a point that I was as bad as, if not worse than the people you see on tv. In the end I couldn't throw anything away, including empty tin cans and old newspapers and food packaging. Every part of the floor and furniture was covered it items and rubbish and it was declared unfit to live in by Environmental Health who cleaned it all for me.

There was a point I reached where I simply didn't know where to start cleaning, I was completely overwhelmed by the size of the task and extremely upset just at the thought of it. Even if it had meant I could have seen my granddaughter at that point I would have still filled up the room because I had nowhere to move items too, they overflowed onto every available space. I couldn't handle cleaning it, I felt absolute terror at throwing anything away. Eventually I had a therapist come into my home once it was clean and work with me for 3 hours a week teaching me how to overcome the fear, we would literally throw things in the bin together. It wasn't a question of being lazy or untidy, I was absolutely terrified to throw anything away.

Now I have a lot of clutter but that is all it is, clutter. It isn't dirty and I don't hoard rubbish but the urge is still there if I feel depressed or scared. Items around me make me feel safe, like building a wall between me and the world. It is a mental illness and not just a question of not being bothered, I want to live in a tidy house and love being in a tidy environment belonging to others. But for myself it means feeling exposed and vulnerable and is still very hard.

Thanks for explaining that WaS, I do understand it is to do with mental health and that the person isn't lazy or not bothered. I suppose I could not understand why, once the lady had got a clear room, (her new attic conversion), that she filled that one up too, until no-one could get into it, especially as the whole purpose of doing it was to have her granddaughter be able to stay.

However, I suppose it's not logical is it, so there is probably no logical reason.

I have a friend who has a severe mental illness and she has gone through a hoarding phase, with her clothes. It was only in her bedroom and I helped her to clear it. Even when we'd finished, she still had a huge wardrobe drawer full of nothing but socks and kept some clothes that were worn out or miles too big. However it is under control now...but she still doesn't go anywhere without her notebooks and pens, she even brought them to Spain when we lived there and they came out and surrounded her wherever we happened to be sitting. She had an abusive childhood too, so I think it must be to do with security.

Thanks again.

Waves_and_Smiles

It is very much to do with security for me, SDW. The more I am surrounded by objects the safer I feel. It isn't logical, you are driven purely by your emotions at the time that feel far stronger than any rational thought. My hoarding went a step further at its worse and I stopped washing, too. For exactly the same reasons-to see dirt on my arms felt like a suit of armour, no one would want to go near anyone dirty so therefore I concluded emotionally that I was safe. Fortunately, I can wash daily now but it has to be at set times in and in a routine, otherwise there is the same fear and panic that throwing things away causes.

My problems most definitely started in my childhood. I was doing all of the housework and running the house by the time I was 13 and keeping everywhere spotless, apart from my room. When things were bad I would go into there and gather up as much as I could onto the bed and sit there in the middle of the piles as if I was in a fortress, it made me feel safe to be surrounded by all of my things and was a direct contrast to the person I had to be elsewhere who kept the house tidy and had adult responsibilities. Things have always meant safety to me, the almost clinically clean environment that my mother insisted that we lived in and that I had to maintain for her in every other room in the flat came to represent fear and vulnerability.

seven-day-weekend

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

It is very much to do with security for me, SDW. The more I am surrounded by objects the safer I feel. It isn't logical, you are driven purely by your emotions at the time that feel far stronger than any rational thought. My hoarding went a step further at its worse and I stopped washing, too. For exactly the same reasons-to see dirt on my arms felt like a suit of armour, no one would want to go near anyone dirty so therefore I concluded emotionally that I was safe. Fortunately, I can wash daily now but it has to be at set times in and in a routine, otherwise there is the same fear and panic that throwing things away causes.

My problems most definitely started in my childhood. I was doing all of the housework and running the house by the time I was 13 and keeping everywhere spotless, apart from my room. When things were bad I would go into there and gather up as much as I could onto the bed and sit there in the middle of the piles as if I was in a fortress, it made me feel safe to be surrounded by all of my things and was a direct contrast to the person I had to be elsewhere who kept the house tidy and had adult responsibilities. Things have always meant safety to me, the almost clinically clean environment that my mother insisted that we lived in and that I had to maintain for her in every other room in the flat came to represent fear and vulnerability.

That is very insightful, WaS, and very helpful in my understanding, thankyou. I can see in my friend that she had no control over much of what happened in her life, she was sexually abused by a close relative from a very early age - so I have no doubt her hoarding, self-harming and anorexia (all of which are now just about under control) as well as her mental health problems all stem from this, as they are all ways of controlling your environment in the only ways you have.

I can also see now that with the lady with the loft conversion - I'm sure she genuinely intended to keep the room nice for her granddaughter, but the need to hoard was too great and in the end it was more space she had to fill to make her feel secure.

Thanks...understanding is always a good thing xx