Just needed to be heard for a little while

codemonkey

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

You have my sympathy, code. I used to cringe at work Christmas lunches, although I confess I cheered up when alcohol arrived, I sort of drank my way through them.

I can't even drink. I suspect I will leave early and go to the town Christmas market instead.

Waves_and_Smiles

They sound so pretty! Christmas tree's are one of my favourite things, I turn off all the lights here and stare at ours and day dream. I love old tree decorations and ones from other countries, sadly my mother threw away the ones we had when I was a child but they were the very old glass ones, very delicate and very beautiful.

lostinrates

codemonkey wrote: »

- we have some wooden ones from Prague and some traditional Croatian lace hearts which were a gift from the owners of the apartment we rented in Dubrovnik.

Oh, they sound beautiful!

codemonkey

lostinrates wrote: »

Oh, they sound beautiful!

They are lovely. I try to position them near a light so it kind of shines through. I love my Christmas tree - it takes me ages to put together (it's a fake one but you have to put the branches in separately) and I listen to Christmas music while I put it up.

It's not up yet as I have to work up the energy to clean the house first.

Waves_and_Smiles

I just had an interesting conversation with WaSp. He will not do it, but if I want to tell my social worker on Monday that BIL is neglecting MIL and give examples, and that I believe that she needs to be removed from his care he won't stop me doing so. He doesn't want the responsibility and subsequent guilt himself (totally understandable), but he is fine with me doing it. I would have to make sure that they don't tell BIL that I have commented because he will come after me, probably in person. Food for thought.

elsien

Is that good news for you or not?

Waves_and_Smiles

It is sort of good news! I can be honest with my social worker and say that I think that BIL is putting her at risk without upsetting WaSp if I wish to. I am just wrestling with guilt of doing so.

Pity the assessor, she apparently had BIL and Milliefleur's sister there while she worked. I would imagine that she needs a drink and/or chocolate now.

BIL has just called and put Milliefleur on the phone. She is in floods of tears and asking WaSp to be more involved in her care or they are going to put her in a home. It is dinner time so BIL will call back afterwards.

WaSp asked me if he could do that. The answer is yes, but social services won't allow me to carry on living as I am if he does. In fact, I am pretty certain that they are going to say WaSp has to go back to staying overnight with me again, him being away for longer will trigger safeguarding for me if it hasn't been done already and will likely trigger a residential care placement. I am not making any demands, just answering WaSp's questions the best I can and the final decision is up to him. Poor man.

elsien

Please try not to feel guilty about saying it how it is. Compare it to how bad WaSp would feel if something happened to you and/or Millefleur because BiL did some something else silly and WaSp was unable to keep all the plates in the air. You're not saying bad things about BIL, you're making a statement of facts. And protecting all 3 of you by doing so.

And speaking of chocolate, I've just raided Lidls double choc cookies again. I only went in for milk.

Waves_and_Smiles

We aren't sure what they actually said to Milliefleur. She see's everything other than her own house as a home, she would easily interpret sheltered housing as that. I presume that they have said that there are problems with BIL's care which is now she is asking WaSp to do more. The thing is he can't and won't be allowed to stay longer with her and spend less time with me without my situation changing. I know what I would prefer but I am severely biting my tongue on this one, it has to be WaSp's decision.

Really, WaSp needs to decide what he is going to do before my social worker visits on Monday so that I can give her something concrete to deal with and it moves things on for Milliefleur, too. I am good at standing up for what I want but I have to agree that I cannot be left alone for longer than I am, it is a real risk. So if WaSp decides to stay with Milliefleur for longer some provisions will need to be put into place for me.

(One tiny very selfish comment-I feel sick).

Waves_and_Smiles

Update! I spoke to MIL and her sister (These phone calls are leaving me in such a mess).

Her social worker was quite upfront and said that they are aiming for sheltered housing. This will take a while, so they are willing for her to go home while she waits as long as she allows carers 3 times a day and has her meals delivered at these times also. The carers will help with medication and personal care and make sure that she is having regular meals (that went down like a lead balloon because she avoids meals). Also, her sister or cousin must stay with her at night for the foreseeable future. Her sister has agreed to this, they totally ignored BIL saying he could stay and said it needs to be a woman because of personal care. She told them WaSp has been doing that and they said that he has other caring commitments and it is unhealthy for him to do more (I can guess what my social worker is about to say on Monday). They have also involved age concern who will be visiting her before she comes home to see how they can help. Then everyone signed something which I presume is a care plan, BIL is livid because his signature was not required!

This sent Milliefleur into a complete panic because she has always been very against carers. She doesn't feel she was listened to and as if they had made up their minds before they saw her (they likely had). It seems far more than sheltered housing it is the thought of carers that is distressing her the most. So I spoke to her about how lovely my carer is and how it isn't intrusive and that she can always tell her social worker if she is not happy. She has agreed to give it a try, although it seems the options were let this happen or stay in hospital indefinitely, they really didn't offer it as a suggestion so I don;t think saying she has changed her mind will work.

Oh, and she has thought she had the wrong condition for years, she doesn't have Crohns disease, it is Ulcerative Colitis.

WaSp feels better, hopefully Milliefleur feels better and I wish I could still drink.