Just needed to be heard for a little while

tea_lover

My Grandad has always said he wants "Will your anchor hold" at his funeral! No idea why, he's not a seafarer either... is a bit of a plonker though

codemonkey

tea The way I see it is you have two options here, if your DH is unwilling to change his behaviour. Either you work out how best to separate your financial interests out and separate or you stay together and modify your behaviour i.e the way you react to him. You say he spends less time with you because he says you nag, so you would have to work on smiling sweetly and biting your tongue. Of course there is a Stepford wives element to this and you need to decide whether you're willing to put the massive effort to do this. Could you maybe attend relationship counselling on your own to help you decide what you want?

You have my sympathies. Relationships are hard work and need both people to put the effort in. I've had my moments with DH where I've wondered if I should walk away, especially since the fertility thing happened - sometimes I wonder if I should go and find someone else to have children (I don't feel good about those thoughts. Other times I get fed up with him because he plays too many computer games or is annoying or not meeting my needs in some way - he can be very self focussed.

HBS - I agree with elsien about the music. There are some songs in my music library that aren't my usual taste in music but remind me of people or places and make me smile or cry. It sounds to me like you maybe need a good cry.

codemonkey

My dad wants "Ring of Fire" when his coffin is taken to be cremated.

elsien

Hope this isn't insensitive when people are feeling not great, but I'm so excited.

Following on from yesterday's interviews, I have a job! Only part time and lower pay but it's the sideways move and career change I was looking for. And they pay for the relevant training. Thank you, Dr Google.

tea_lover

codemonkey wrote: »

tea The way I see it is you have two options here, if your DH is unwilling to change his behaviour. Either you work out how best to separate your financial interests out and separate or you stay together and modify your behaviour i.e the way you react to him.

This is the key thing that's keeping me awake, trying to decide what to do. I think I'm (finally!) seeing that OH is never going to be the sort of partner I initially thought. So I can either call it a day, or learn to be happier with what I do have.

Have been trying option B for some time but it doesn't seem to be working. At the moment I don't feel that I have a partner, a relationship, I feel I have a messy and irritating housemate.

ETA: congrats elsien!!

heartbreak_star

Happy news Elsien! Congratulations

Family can absolutely be plonkers sometimes. But mostly, we love 'em.

I do chat about Dad quite a bit but maybe actually talking properly might help at some point. There's still a lot of empty.

HBS x

codemonkey

elsien wrote: »

Hope this isn't insensitive when people are feeling not great, but I'm so excited.

Following on from yesterday's interviews, I have a job! Only part time and lower pay but it's the sideways move and career change I was looking for. And they pay for the relevant training. Thank you, Dr Google.

Yay. Congratulations elsien.

jobbingmusician

elsien!!!! :j:j:j:j:j Really delighted for you!

Gosh, I sooo know what you mean about music. I have had spells in my life where I've moved away from music quite a long way - I have a real love/hate relationship with it. Mr JM doesn't understand why I am so self critical and don't actually enjoy performing, most of the time. Then all of a sudden, I'd go round a corner in the tube and someone would be performing some Mozart or something and I'd be in tears at the beauty of it. And that's not even associated with a funeral or anything! It just grabs you by the solar plexus and wrings your heart out.

whitewing

elsien, that is fantastic news. Well done!

whitewing

I have eaten an entire packet of cheesy biscuits. That is not good (tasted lovely though). I must get on and do something productive now.