Just needed to be heard for a little while

lostinrates

You know what errata said about how good people are at lying to them selves about situations/ causes of depression etc? I thing relationships and parenting are KEY examples of it. I think its probably some sort of coping technique.

Big hugs was.

Errata

Sometimes, just sometimes, parents don't understand what proper .parental behaviour should be like because they never learned it from their own parents example.

System

Big hugs for WaS

Just thought i would check in and let you know i'm safe the beau isn't a serial killer so its all good hehe :P had an awesome birthday and yesterday was awesome too

Pyxis

(((((((((((((WaS)))))))))))))))))

.reply penguin.

I wonder if there's a possibility that your mother had threatened to do something worse if he either left her, or tried to take you away/get outside help? And if she did so threaten him, that he believed she would do it, whatever it was, and so felt that the status quo was lesser of the two evils? He obviously did love you very much, but felt utterly, utterly powerless.

I am amazed at how you have come out of this with so much empathy for your fellow humans and other creatures, and with so much strength. You could have been full of hate for everyone and everything, yet you're not, not in the slightest.

You are a very beautiful person, WaSsie! :A

End Reply penguin.

Waves_and_Smiles

Thank you so much for being so kind everyone, I appreciate it more than I can say. My teacher friend was talking to me about it and asking if I need to keep reminding myself of the past? And why I don't get angry at myself and say I am not giving it headroom anymore. They are interesting questions.

A lot is PTSD which is largely out of my control but there is an element of thinking I deserve to feel terrible. That I deserve punishment for what I did to my family (which logically as an adult I know was nothing). How much I have control over what I dream and subsequently feel I don't know but there is likely a feeling that it serves me right.

I was told from the age of 16 onwards that my difficulty wasn't forgiving my family, it was forgiving myself. I still haven't managed it and I don't know how. Rather than getting angry that I am still thinking of it I am angry at me for my past.

That is also very true, Errata. My grandmother was a psychological mess and passed that onto my mother. No doubt someone did the same to her. My dad's father was a violent man who treated his children terribly. At least the chain stops with me...

whitewing

The chain stops with you because you are so lovely.

I think for me, the greater my understanding of the mental illness itself and the genetic predisposition of my family to certain traits, the less personal what happened to me was. The more I saw it as poor coping strategies of the adults around me, the more I understood that it shouldn't have happened but it did and the less personal it was.

What I thought became less important than the fact that I had these thoughts as my poor coping strategy. I don't think you need to improve on forgiving yourself - as you get better you won't have the thoughts that you need to counteract. Not very good at explaining. Am still at work with mild cold symptoms.

Waves_and_Smiles

Aw, thank you, whitewing. I suppose even the fact that I look on it as forgiving myself implies that I think that I did something bad to forgive. Really, with the predisposition to mental and emotional illness in my family it would have been a miracle if I wasn't affected. Thank you, I shall try looking at it that way.

DUKE

You are indeed a miracle WaS!

jobbingmusician

yep, what DUKE said. I was going to look for a piccy to illustrate just that point, but got distracted!

I didn't find quite what I wanted, but thought this was pretty wonderful To WaS, but also to everyone on here who needs some cheering up today.

haybel19

jobbingmusician wrote: »

yep, what DUKE said. I was going to look for a piccy to illustrate just that point, but got distracted!

I didn't find quite what I wanted, but thought this was pretty wonderful To WaS, but also to everyone on here who needs some cheering up today.

That is lovely JM.