Just needed to be heard for a little while

seven-day-weekend

Also meant to say, he is a lot better today

Pyxis

I must admit that sometimes my 'fear' escalates with world events and financial crises. Some of this is due to feeling out of control of one's own destiny, and some is due to being on my own with no real support system.
If you think this is the case with your OH, would it help to draw up some contingency plans for 'crises'. You could have a financial 'crisis' contingency plan, and a 'disaster' contingency plan. The latter could be something like my 'emergency box', full of candles, batteries, radio, corded phone, gas-cannister heater and camping stove, clean plastic containers for water, water-purifying tablets, matches. Also a well-filled stock cupboard with tins/packets/jars etc.

This may all seem a bit drastic, but just knowing you're 'prepared', lessens the fear. Also, knowing safety things, like, how to get out of the house in the case of fire, where the window keys are, etc etc.

You could treat it as a damage-limitation exercise!
The fire brigade give free house checks to advise on fire safety, and I think the police do a similar one for security, too.

If you think you've done all you can to keep your family safe, it's reassuring.
Also, emphasise the fact that you're a partnership, and all the worry doesn't fall on his shoulders, and ask which worries you could take from him and put on your shoulders, a sort of 'worry-delegating' exercise?

whitewing

My baby Hetty came today but I haven't seen it yet. I am excited about it.

Errata

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

HHi all, thanks for your kind words.

It just comes out of the blue really, no particular trigger other than world events. I'm going to suggest he does not watch the news today.

He is not on medication at the moment, has managed to stay off it for at least five years. His terribly black moods normally pass and then we can manage the depression/anxiety.

He has not had CBT, but many yearr ago he had a type of gestalt therapy which he found really useful.

Thanks all again for your kind words. It is good for me to have speople to talk to who do not know us personally

Very sorry to read he's going through a bad patch and that it's tough for you as well.
This is an online free NHS approved DIY CBT 'course' which might be helpful for you to read through and possibly? tell him about.
Wishing you both well.
http://www.llttf.com/

Pyxis

Thanks for that, Errata, and welcome to the thread!

System

Sorry to hear your husband is struggling 7DW

It's incredibly hard watching someone you love feel that way.

The course Erratta recommended has been suggested to me by my doctor and from what I gather can be very useful so I hope if your husband feels up to it he can take a looks

Thinking of you both *hugs*

Edit: glad he's feeling a bit better today

Errata

Pyxis wrote: »

Thanks for that, Errata, and welcome to the thread!

You're welcome to the info, and thanks for the welcome, I won't be staying unless I can post something of concrete value others may find useful.

Waves_and_Smiles

Good Afternoon all! And hello to Errata! Feel free to pop in anytime! You are always welcome.

So sorry to hear about your husband, SDW but glad he is feeling better today. This may or may not apply but when I was very depressed (before psychosis) I found I got very, very angry at times at world events. Depression and anger are often two sides of the same coin. I felt that I couldn't get angry at why I was depressed because it was in my past and therefore unchangable (plus it made me feel weak) but I WAS angry because of what I had been through so I threw on something more tangible. It was easier to focus on world events because they were real and happening now, it made me feel more in control of what I felt and I could tell myself that I had a valid reason. Then it would fade back into despair until the next time. CBT and Psychotherapy did help a lot with this, I agree with your husband trying the course above if he is willing.

You can always come here for support, there is no need to feel guilty. It is hard to live with someone with depression and anxiety issues, if can be so wearing. In my case WaSp went through a stage where he almost lived at work and I fully understand why. There is never anything wrong with getting support for yourself, try looking at it as if you are making sure you are in the best position to help your dear husband. It is helping you stay strong for him.

seven-day-weekend

Pyxis wrote: »

I must admit that sometimes my 'fear' escalates with world events and financial crises. Some of this is due to feeling out of control of one's own destiny, and some is due to being on my own with no real support system.
If you think this is the case with your OH, would it help to draw up some contingency plans for 'crises'. You could have a financial 'crisis' contingency plan, and a 'disaster' contingency plan. The latter could be something like my 'emergency box', full of candles, batteries, radio, corded phone, gas-cannister heater and camping stove, clean plastic containers for water, water-purifying tablets, matches. Also a well-filled stock cupboard with tins/packets/jars etc.

This may all seem a bit drastic, but just knowing you're 'prepared', lessens the fear. Also, knowing safety things, like, how to get out of the house in the case of fire, where the window keys are, etc etc.

You could treat it as a damage-limitation exercise!
The fire brigade give free house checks to advise on fire safety, and I think the police do a similar one for security, too.

If you think you've done all you can to keep your family safe, it's reassuring.
Also, emphasise the fact that you're a partnership, and all the worry doesn't fall on his shoulders, and ask which worries you could take from him and put on your shoulders, a sort of 'worry-delegating' exercise?

We already have a 'disaster stash' - tinned food, bottled water, tin opener, matches etc. We also have a reasonable amount of savings. I know he finds this re-assuring.

His latest worry is because our son's girlfriend has been accepted for Uni. To him this is not a cause for congratulations, but another thing to worry about. She will have to give up her full-time job as a kitchen assistant. Her student finance will be OK, but my husband is already worrying about three year's time - will she be able to get another f/t job etc, or will it be down to him to support her for the rest of her life (both she and our son have Asperger's Syndrome which, especially in her case, may make it difficult to find work). He is already worrying about this, and whereas I can say, well let's just deal with it as and when, he is catastrophising the future and sees our hard-earned savings disappearing without trace as he subsidises our son and girlfriend. I think this may possibly be what has brought on the latest bout.

I would love it if he could just feel proud for her and optimistic for the future, but he can't (hopefully neither she nor our son know of this anxiety, he has hidden it from them).

Waves_and_Smiles

Oh, your poor husband, SDW and poor you, too trying to help him. I can completely relate to what you wrote above about your husbands reactions to your daughters Uni place, I would be exactly the same as him, that is exactly how I react to things. It is extreme anxiety and it focuses on even the good things, I can find panic in anything. In my case any change is fraught with anxiety and I castastrophise it into the worse possible scenario within seconds and then dwell on it for ages. From your husbands point of view I can guess that he can't switch it off, that it keeps going around in his head no matter how hard he tries to distract himself.

Does he know that this is actually quite common with anxiety disorders? It might help him to know that others go through it as well. CBT helped me a lot with it and now I can mostly get it under control (although it can take a couple of days). I think you are very correct that he can't see how he can calm his anxiety about this so he is projecting onto world events which feel safer to him to worry about.