Just needed to be heard for a little while

lostinrates

Hey,

I have just remembered!

I have a PUG story!


When I was first out of hospital and living with fir again, we lived ion his flat in London, and over the road there was a gardener/handyman who worked at the house every day who had a pug, whose name I cannot remember now, and I used to look at the pug scurrying around, and the handy man would wave.

One day he caught fir and I could see they were talking about me and the next thing they came running up to the flat and the guy said that sometimes the pug got bored up there and fir was going to give him a key and he'd bring him up if it was ok with me.

Of course the pug didn't get bored, and frankly did not like much his 'dad' leaving him in the flat where none of the windows were low enough for him to see out, and he was faster moving than me but I too had a pug who gave me a bit of a 'kick start'.


God m that flat. I wasn't very good at walking, and it was a fifth flow walk up, and at first I had to sit on my bottom and go up the stairs one at a time.

bOBBY. He was called bobby. I think.

DUKE

Pyxis wrote: »

Duck! Yum! Lay a place for me!

Re. your procedure, I think they put a screen up so you don't see what the surgeon is up to! And they may also give you headphones playing music so you can't hear them either!.You'd be ok far more quickly with the epidural, able to go straight home etc, and no after-effects from the GA.
I hate the after-effects. I'd go for epidural every time, but at the end of the day each to their own. I know some people just want to be blotto, no matter what!, whereas I like a blow by blow account of what's going on, and would even like to watch a live video of it all happening!
But then I'm very odd!
I once had a bronchoscopy, and refused a sedative, and watched the procedure on the video! I love anatomy, and was fascinated to see the scope go past the larynx! I have a copy of the video somewhere!

Whenever I've had the flexible cystoscopy I've always been awake & they encourage me to look at the monitor. If they put a screen up I would be asking them what they were doing. I usually watch medical programmes the night before any procedure as it calms me, no idea why. So that makes me odd too They told me I'd be in hospital longer if I had the epidural, & there's more chance of them piercing the bladder. I just don't think that they want me awake as I will chat non stop & moan ...

You did it WaS, I'm so proud! :j It's good that you have such an understanding Dr, this alone I think can make you feel so much better. I've got a message from my Oncologist on my answerphone that I refuse to delete as his caring voice relaxes me. Oh Lord I sound like a stalker now - deep deep shame.

Hope your little one's better soon haybel.

Sir Pug, you're so funny!

Waves_and_Smiles

Aw, how sweet LIR! I have never met a pug but now of course I have the best one of all! That is exactly how I go up and down the stairs here, there is no way that I can walk.

Nothing wrong with chatting to medical professionals, Duke! All of mine are used to a barrage of questions, I ask about every little thing they do like today with making my poor psychiatrist hunt through my medical notes to find my diagnoses. I am very compliant though providing they tell me what they are doing and why.

Pyxis

Sorry, Duke, didn't realise you'd had it before! Strange you'd be in longer with the epidural than with the GA! I wonder why?

Waves_and_Smiles

I have a (rather depressing) psychology game for everyone. Let's see if people can analyse this. I know what it means, it is a therapists playground it is so obvious. Keep in mind that my best friend made two new friends in the week, has a great new and very social job and once I helped her through a very difficult time with her family when she just a young teenager.

I dreamt my friend was forced to stay with her family and was cold and distant to me on the phone, I wasn't sure if it was because her family were there or if she didn't really want to talk to me anymore (first clue). So I got onto a plane and visited her. I realised that she was suffering at the hands of her family and I had to help her (2nd clue) so I said that we were going shopping and we ran for the airport. My friend said that she couldn't get on the plane because it would take too long and she had to be ready to meet her friend to go to work soon (3rd clue) so I turned her into a butterfly (Dripping with symbolism, giving her wings and helping her be free) and she flew off my hand and I waved as I watched her go to her new life.

I have been sad ever since. Think I am worried about being left behind and forgotten much? I have no self-esteem at all. Let me add my friend is absolutely no different to normal and probably won't be, our friendship has survived many changes for both of us and there is no reason to think that will change. It is totally me having the doom and gloom problem here...

Oh, and I just found out that the surveyor for the new landlord needs to enter my flat on Monday and check every room (so no hiding in the bathroom).

Let's see, psychotic episode, going out today, insecurity about being left and strange person in my flat on Monday. This is so going to have a knock-on effect next week. At least I am prepared for it, until then it is crisis mode until after Monday and making sure that everything is tidy.

Pyxis

What it is they say?
That you never run out of love!
There's more than enough in people to go round everyone they want it to!
Would your best friend be sad that you have Sir Pugliet? or this thread?
But you see what I mean?

Do you feel up to sending her an email for a bit of a chat? You could tell her about Sir P's latest exploits into Internet forums! And his impending blankethood!
That will give her a laugh, and thus cheer you up, too! Nothing like giving people a laugh for cheering yourself up!

(Now I'm happy! I'm so happy! Now I'm happy!......)

whitewing

WaS,

A few Christmases ago, I went to see my friend. Her husband poured me a large drink and sent me upstairs to see her. She started to tell me something that was obviously monumental. This was the moment that I had been dreading - when she tells me that she is moving hundreds of miles away to be nearer her grandchildren. The emotional pain was intense but I am good at hiding it. It sickens me to say this now, but I was pleased when she told me that she had cancer. My first reaction (fortunately hidden) was that I was relieved that she was having chemo and a mastectomy because the thought of her moving out of the town was too enormous to process.

Now I understand that it was a reaction from the borderline personality disorder. I know deep down I was not pleased about the cancer but I was terrified at the thought of her choosing to reject me.
She is now recovered from treatment, and still lives nearby. But I know I can cope when the time comes for her to move.

I totally agree that love expands without diminishing the love towards a particular person.

I may delete this post at some point.

Pyxis

:grouphug:......

:A........

Waves_and_Smiles

Thank you so much for telling me that story, whitewing. I won't say too much in case you wish to delete it later but I really do understand. It is a BPD reaction, I am always fearful of being left and feeling that I am not good enough for people to want to stay. No matter how much people say that like me I wait for them to eventually reject me. My friend is completely oblivious and excited to share her new experiences with me, I am torn between telling her my fears and staying quiet. She is the sort of person who may then not share with me in future for fear of hurting me and I want her to be able to be as excited and happy with me as she wishes. She would tell me that I am being ridiculous and of course she isn't going anywhere, I know that.

whitewing

I never told my friend but I do discuss it occasionally with my DH. He helps me to see where my reaction is normal and where it is more extreme. It makes him upset sometimes - not that I think like that, but that I didn't have the opportunity to grow up not thinking like that. I am kinder to myself now (and that relieves the guilt) and some of that has been seeing DD do things that I would do (she cries for every duck that goes away in the song '5 little ducks went swimming one day'). I handle it with her differently though, so she recovers a lot more quickly. I keep each sorrow in my heart.

I was pleased about your appointment, WaS (and I, too, was in hospital this morning with an elderly relative). It was great that you shared that your psychiatrist came out to the car. When I had bad postnatal depression, an incident like that would have reassured me enormously.

He must have been impressed and interested with your progress to be able to start thinking about what 'labels' are influencing what symptoms. It's exciting to think that you are getting closer to the best health that is achieveable in your circumstances.

Yesterday, I was in a rush to get to my appointments etc and I forgot to take my antidepressant. I took it hours later than normal. It is only a relatively low dose but was surprising how much better I feel today, having got back on track.