Just needed to be heard for a little while

jobbingmusician

Awww, hugs and soothing lotion for the feet! I can only too well imagine that I could do that too, if it's any consolation

I loooooove the prison van! It's like swords into ploughshares a bit, isn't it?

*JM is just BSing really as she has no idea what a ploughshare is *

Waves_and_Smiles

Thank you, JM. My feet are bearable although walking is going to be especially painful for a while. I do wonder whether to ask my psychiatrist to look more into this, the last time I asked it was pointed out that I have had psychosis, very unbalanced chemicals and have been on anti-psychotics for 20 years and sadly some cognitive damage is expected but I do wonder if there isn't some way to combat this. I can do complex tasks and then suddenly forget the simplest of things out of the blue, and with my luck it's usually tasks that hurt me. I can still write, I can still fill in forms with no problems, but I can't make a cup of tea or cook a meal safely. I often wonder if this is how people at the beginning of dementia feel? It is so scary to suddenly not even know that you have forgotten something- there isn't even hesitation- until the consequence happens.

whitewing

I wonder if it is just absent-mindedness of nutty professor type. There's such a lot of extra processing going on in your head that the less important stuff loses priority.

I can do one-off cooking very well. But everyday cooking is boring to me. Consequently, I have boiled an egg in a microwave egg-boiler with such ferocity that the door blew open, the metal bit inside the egg boiler plastic casing became embedded in the egg boiler so could no longer be used, and bits of egg and shell scattered into the adjoining open-plan room. I had just moved in to my bf's studio flat and it went all over his carpet.So I cleaned it up and pulled the edge of the carpet nearest the kitchen over the freestanding radiator to dry before he got home. The carpet backing promptly stuck all down the radiator.

I prefer this explanation rather than the prospect of early onset age-related disorders. I don't want to get old before I have a chance to experience the world more without the suicidal thoughts.

Pyxis

Would it help at all to have a written checklist to follow, where every single step of the task is itemised? Would you be able to follow it? If WaSp wrote one out, you could test-drive it with cold water and an old cup and see what happens.

jobbingmusician

Ummmm I offer this in the hope it may be helpful, although I am worried it might be upsetting. It does relate to Pyxis's* suggestion though. I've written it in white so that you can look when your feet feel a bit better Highlight it when you are ready.

.......

If there wasn't a cup, where did you put the tea bag, or did you forget that too? Focusing on the tea bag might help you remember other steps - it's the only really essential thing, and you are more likely to notice the absence of a cup if it's sitting innocently on the counter.

*This looks dreadful, but apparently it's correct. There are only two people who don't get an s after the apostrophe after their names. One is Jesus and I can't remember who the other one is. You wouldn't SAY 'Pyxis-es' though, would you?

whitewing

I wonder if it would help if you watch WaSp make a cup of tea at various times throughout the day.. no distracted chatter or taking the mickey from either of you, just observing. Then he carefully observes you doing the same the next day. I wonder if it's a task that you know intellectually but have never learnt on a practical, automatic level (maybe since your schizophrenia took hold and other autoimmune diseases changed the way your body works slightly).

Then because you scare yourself and WaSp, it becomes an anxiety trigger, and that won't help the memory.

I do think you should ask the psychiatrist about it anyway.

Pyxis

This is super!
And guess what? I have sat in a prison van! And also in the little high security cell that they all have! (Which was funny, 'cos it had its own little loo, like a prison cell has. )
Oh yes! And I've been shut in a prison cell too!
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
No, no, no! I'm not a hardened criminal! I once went on a guided tour of the cells below a Magistrates' Court, and had the offer of being incarcerated for, oh, all of about 10seconds!, just for fun!, and as the prison van was there and empty (!), they said we could have a go in that as well!
So the van already has its own little loo, and 'rooms', so would be ideal as a camper van!
Of course, you'd have to find a suitable personalised number plate, like, 'C3 LLS'
or 'G4 OLS'. They'd probably cost more than the van!

Anyway, Whitewing, don't for one minute think you're alone in 'nutty professor'ish absent-mindedness! Do you know what I did earlier this evening? I sent a PM to the completely wrong person! :rotfl: and I can't blame it on anything! :rotfl:

Waves_and_Smiles

Thank you for being so lovely everyone, you do help me to feel better. I forgot the teabag too! I got the milk out of the fridge, filled the kettle, boiled the water and then poured water everywhere!

I think it is a good idea to try to do this with a checklist and with WaSp watching me. It is possible that I am so busy second guessing my thoughts in general and trying to monitor myself that even though I think I am concentrating I am actually not. As I have said before I get so tired with having to rethink everything in case it is an irrational thought that the day to day things that everyone takes for granted take second place. Although it seems as if I don't do much my mind is constantly questioning my every thought. Even with boiling the kettle there was confusion because I switched it on and felt anxiety because I didn't know what to do while it boiled and I started to get a foggy mind concentrating on what was supposed to happen. In the end I just stood there staring at it.

Whitewing, you made me laugh when you said "no distracted chatter or taking the mickey from either of you". It clearly comes across that we joke around all of the time (we do).

I have wrestled with names ending in S too and proper grammar, JM! My last name ends in a S and I can never work out what to do in the example you used above! I usually rephrase it.

Pyxis

Regarding names ending in -s, I always thought that there were two options, either Pyxis' or Pyxis's, and that both are correct.
And also that either spelling can be pronounced as Pyxis or Pyxises, whatever your preference.
I don't think I've ever heard of only Jesus and another being Jesus'.

So with WaS, to use the possessive, you can, I think, say either WaS's thread, or WaS' thread, and both ways can be pronounced WaSes or just WaS.
I prefer the pronunciation WaSes, as it is, I think, clearer that you are using the possessive.

Waves_and_Smiles

I am so jealous, Pyxis! One of the things I always want in psychosis is to be locked in a prison cell, believe it or not. I like the security of a tiny room that nothing can get in or out of and the fact it is bare and plain with no stimulation. Once, I walked into a police station and after explaining I was in psychosis asked if they could lock me in a cell. The desk sargeant stared at me totally lost for words for a while and then sat me by the desk and bought me coffee and a sandwich and rang the hospital for me. It makes me giggle looking back, the poor man was so confused. He was a sweetheart though, the police have always been very good with me even though I completely confuddle them!