Just needed to be heard for a little while

lostinrates

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

Indeed, there are many links between early onset autoimmune disorders and schizophrenia. It was one of the reasons specifically why my parents were told not to have children, they both had them and my mother schizophrenia, too and they were told it was almost certain that she would give birth to a child born with or prone to chronic conditions if the pregnancy ever managed to get that far. Oh, and lack of vitamin D in a potential mother is also linked to schizophrenia in a child. Like me, my mother hardly left the house for many years. Really, when I have compared all the research that I have read it seems I had a very high chance of developing it.

As you know I made a choice not to have children. I would never dictate whether someone else should do that or not but with the conditions that I had, the life had I growing up with my mother with the conditions and the frequency of my psychotic episodes it wasn't something I felt I could risk with my child. It was particularly hard for partner as he adores children and is great with them, for me it was a clearer decision. It still made me very sad though and although I know I won't ever have children I am dreading the menopause because it means the door is finally shut. Which is daft, I know as it changes nothing.

Was, I cannot have children and decided against fertility treatment or other intervention like surrogacy.

I'm quite hard nosed about myself. If I were a dog and someone had puppies from me they'd be accused of reprehensible breeding. Why should my want to mother be above a child's future comfort. I think of it as the most loving thing I can have done for any child I might have had. Not having them. It still makes me cross when its brought up. I'm currently considered to I'll to have the surgery I need but they want to do it so that in the future I might be able to have children/ child should things look up. Well, the child bearing future ain't that long ( I'm in my mid thirties) and this body shouldn't produce children, and certainly not if its not up to surgery on itself!

whitewing

My first child wasn't planned and I am sort of against abortion so I had him.

DD was planned. I wouldn't have had one for myself and DH would like to have children but was happy with his stepson. DD was my present to DH.

I had both my children before I understood anything about my mh issues. Post natal depression made things worse for a period.

As far as I was concerned after DD, we'd discussed it and decided not to have any more. I was worried about making my mh worse. The tiredness makes ithings ten times worse. A few weeks ago DH said that he wouldn't mind another. It's very tricky.

Pregnancy-wise, I was always much better in pregnancy in terms of anxiety/depression so I guess a lot was linked to hormone levels.

I do agree with you LIR that not doing something is sometimes the most loving thing you can do.

The only other thing that I would say to WaS is that you are not your mother and you will not turn into your mother, so don't make that a factor.

elsien

I think the feelings around menopause happen whether you want children or not. It's harder for you WaS because you are looking at your partner and seeing how good he is with children. But even those of us who were never that fussed in the first place get to that time of life, think all the "what if's" had life turned out differently. A door closing, even if it's a door you never wanted to go through, is still pause for thought.
LiR, your comment about if you were a dog you'd be accused of reprehensible breeding made me go "oof." It's unusual to see people being able to be that upfront about things, I take my hat off to you for that.
Whitewing , maybe Oh is just trailing the idea to see how it's received? But you're the one who knows your body, health and capabilities best, sometimes you need to put that above other considerations,

lostinrates

Maybe its my unusual philosophy of not seeing people as superior to other animals?

I've bred animals, my mother bred dogs. Great thought goes into healthy, good, crosses. Nothing, no one is perfect, you cannot be perfect, but however much you love a dog some are pets. My wonderful, breathtaking Dogdog was spayed when she broke her second hind leg. One is an accident, the second confirmed definite weakness. She is a stunner, my dog of a lifetime and very nurturing, but she got to bring up the Kiwi ( we didn't actually know she was so nurturing till she got the kiwi, but, she still looks out for him, and he's almost two! )

What makes me so special? Nothing! I don't say that in a self pitying way, I feel privileged to compare myself with a great person like dog dog!

jobbingmusician

elsien wrote: »

Putting your box file in the cupboard of doom is fine, you'll know where to find it when the next bill arrives.
You could always ask here about scary cushion items instead. We won't get frustrated because we like the you that you are now - its the only you we know.

Just popping in to say hello and distribute and receive hugs and warm handshakes. xxx

I agree with elsien, beautifully put.

Actually I think you could reframe the CoGA in your mind - it is actually a filing place in its own right for things which are on their way to being properly filed. I have a SoGA like that - things go on the step where the stairs go round a corner and stay there for months!

Solarjunkie

"Years of antibiotics" - my first thought was, how well is your inner flora faring? Could you have candida? It can have far more reaching effects than people realise. Any of this sound familiar:

Here are 10 common candida symptoms
Skin and nail fungal infections (such as athlete’s foot or toenail fungus)
Feeling tired and worn down or suffering from chronic fatigue or fibromyalgia
Digestive issues such as bloating, constipation, or diarrhea
Autoimmune disease such as Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, Rheumatoid arthritis, Ulcerative colitis, Lupus, Psoriasis, Scleroderma or Multiple sclerosis
Difficulty concentrating, poor memory, lack of focus, ADD, ADHD and brain fog
Skin issues such as eczema, psoriasis, hives, and rashes
Irritability, mood swings, anxiety, or depression
Vaginal infections , urinary tract infections, rectal itching or vaginal itching
Severe seasonal allergies or itchy ears
Strong sugar and refined carbohydrate cravings


Google candida overgrowth & consider a cleansing diet.

Pyxis

jobbingmusician wrote: »

Just popping in to say hello and distribute and receive hugs and warm handshakes. xxx

I agree with elsien, beautifully put.

Actually I think you could reframe the CoGA in your mind - it is actually a filing place in its own right for things which are on their way to being properly filed. I have a SoGA like that - things go on the step where the stairs go round a corner and stay there for months!

Too true! And I have a BoGA, it's a box. I suppose in an office it would be a 'For Filing' tray, but it's been full for months!

I also have a DToEGA, a dining table of even greater anxiety, covered with paperwork that I daren't move out of sight for fear it will never get done! Trouble is, it's so full, I can't see what's on there anyway!
I haven't been able to use it as a dining table for over a year., which annoys me because I don't like eating meals on my lap unless it's totally finger food. Most of it is financial stuff, which does make me very anxious, even though there's no real need to be anxious as such. It's not debts or anything, but I'm a complete ostrich when it comes to financial stuff. It's a lack of security thing, and a fear thing, as has been mentioned in earlier threads.

Pyxis

Following on from Solarjunkie's post, the other thing WaS, that occurred to me, was that, in addition to possible vitamin deficiencies, there may be some metabolite deficiency, trace minerals, due to your diet being so restricted.
Apologies if you've answered this before WaS, but have you had very comprehensive tests for such deficiencies? I know a lot of these such tests are quite expensive and time consuming, so you may only have had some blanket testing done in the past, and not the very specific ones.

whitewing

Wow, you lot are so knowledgeable.

I used to have a House Of Great Anxiety, but now I am down to a SoDoGA (Shelf of a Desk)

Waves_and_Smiles

Good afternoon!

I have only had blanket testing for deficiencies, the last one showed severe Vitamin D deficiency, and some Iron and Vitamin C. I will admit that my diet isn't always great. I can go days without eating anything but a slice of bread every few hours (I have to do this for the Hypoglycaemia or I will keel over) because the Hashimoto's Disease kills my appetite and then eat one huge meal all at once. It isn't helped by the fact that I need someone to cook, the memory lapses make it dangerous to try on my own,as does the psychosis. I really need lots of grab-out-of-the-fridge foods that I can eat in small portions throughout the day. I have increased my fruit intake lately which is good at least.

I get candida infections a lot. Cream and tablets tend to take care of them but they come back a few months later. I do think it is the medication but I am sort of stuck because I can't come off it. In the case of the antibiotics my face flares within 3 days of not taking them so I really am stuck.

Thank you for the comments about not having children. I do know what you mean, LIR if I was a dog my owner would be getting me spayed, puppies would be a very bad idea! Another reason why I chose not to have them was because I have very little chance of carrying a child anyway, the thought of constant miscarriages like my mother when I longed for the child to be born is heartbreaking. My partner has been wonderful about it, I know he would have liked children. How do I know? He was talking to me once about the inner world and he said he doesn't mind Lucee being there because she could be the child he never had. Broke my heart at the time.

An item is coming out from behind the COGA soon!