Not contributing to colleagues' birthday gifts

NoAngel

I think the whole situation sounds ridiculous. We collect for special birthdays, weddings and babies but this is an envelope placed in a central point and you can sign and contribute if you wish with no pressure.

What's the point in writing a generic 'happy birthday' in a card when your couldn't care less?! I imagine that you're not alone in feeling this way, the amounts people put in sound excessive. I recommend suggesting at the next meeting that people stop putting money in but continue with cards so you don't sound too miserable and then maybe in the future someone else will ditch the cards.

Loz01

This sounds very expensive OP and I'm with you, I wouldn't be contributing £10 or £20 a time as I couldn't afford it. Where I work there is only 7 people so we just do a card and then sometimes our boss will get us a box of chocs as she is kind but there's no pressure by anyone to contribute. I wouldn't want others to put themsves out of pocket for my birthday, I'm 27 now and not a kid! Just politely say you are saving or overpaying the mortgage or something and can't justify giving £20 for every birthday. Or maybe send an office email explaining to everyone if you don't mind them knowing?

k12479

angeltreats wrote: »

My company is pretty big and every month, HR circulates a list to the managers of all the birthdays in their team that month.

I'm surprised about this and think it's unprofessional and really not something that an HR department should be doing.

Most places I've worked, people brought in cakes on their birthday if they felt so inclined. Some people always ate them, some only ate them from people they knew, similarly some people brought in lots for everyone, some just brought a few. Seemed to work pretty well.

sulphate

Wow thanks for all the replies. Nice to get so many views.

I am not struggling financially, but my money is tied up with other things.

I like the idea of the managers being in charge of the birthdays of their team, but I'm not a manager, so I don't know what they would think about it. :rotfl:

My office has quite a low turnover, and many people have been there for a number of years - I've only been there 18 months, I would think someone else would have spoken up by now if they had a problem. It's obviously part of "office culture" for them. I have chatted about it before to a couple of people but I think they just think I'm being a grump about it.

I should have been clearer on the cake thing. I don't bake cakes for peoples' birthdays, I might do for Christmas/Easter/my own birthday, if I've been on holiday, for a "bake off", or if someone's leaving to have a baby etc. So I feel I'm still contributing to "team spirit".

I know you are not obligated to contribute a set amount but when you see an envelope that contains mainly notes you feel silly putting £1 in. TBH it's not the amount that I care about, it's the principle of the thing, and just the expectation - the person will hover by your desk until you've signed and handed over cash so they know how much you have contributed. There is definitely favouritism too. One of the new managers, who's been there less than 2 months, has her birthday this weekend, I didn't contribute to the gift (which to be fair wasn't expensive) but I was ushered down to her office with everyone else to say happy birthday and watch as almost everyone else handed over a card, which was embarrassing, and this isn't the first time it's happened.

There is no one in charge of collections, it's normally the person closest to the one whose birthday it is who organises the collection. There is a calendar specifically for peoples' birthdays which hangs on most walls, and when someone new starts they are asked when their birthday is soon after.

I don't really agree that it's rude not to put anything in if I am not expecting a collection for my birthday myself.

jaylee3

What are you going to do then?

Mojisola

k12479 wrote: »

I'm surprised about this and think it's unprofessional and really not something that an HR department should be doing.

I agree with this - I wouldn't want everyone in a big office knowing my birth date. Do people have to give their permission for their DOB to be given out by HR?

Snakey

You should ask for cash and then put it back into everyone's envelopes over the rest of the year.

I think you may be over-estimating the amounts people put in. Three birthdays a month means 36 people, and £10 or £20 from each of them means a £500 present - is that really what you're seeing?

A lot of the time people put in notes and take out coins (like put in a fiver and take out three quid) so although it may be mostly notes it's not a representation of what each individual is giving. Perhaps you are giving too much.

I think you should suck it up, since it sounds like the "clique" there represents a) the majority and b) people who aren't going anywhere, and so you may as well go along to get along. Perhaps just put in a pound each time - if they've all been friends for 20 years while you're the new girl I can't imagine that anybody will be calling you names for only putting in a token amount.

It will be interesting to see what you get when it's your turn. If everyone's clearly only put in 50p for you then you'll feel less bad about returning the favour!

sulphate

No, I don't see a £500 present every time so people can't be putting in the same amount as you say. There is definitely an element of favouritism/elitism there. It's the managers they make more of a fuss over and their presents are the ones that attract the higher sums, but I don't see why the expectation is there that you will contribute more to a manager's present, when the manager won't for yours. Last year for example, I contributed to each collection for everyone including the managers and then when my birthday came, about 5 people contributed to my collection and none of them were managers. I got a debenhams voucher (which was actually very useful) to the value of £15. One of the managers had a birthday recently and got a spa day voucher.

As for what I'm going to do, probably send an email round closer to the time telling them to spend their hard earned cash on other things other than a birthday collection/card for me. Hopefully they'll deduce from that that I won't be contributing to any more. I shouldn't have to hand over money for everyone's birthday to ensure I get on with everyone. I go to work to work, after all.

Snakey

Now that does put a different slant on it! It's clearly perfectly acceptable for people not to contribute, if thirty-odd people felt able to say "no thanks" to yours!

I don't think I'd bother to make an announcement in those circumstances. Just put in for the people who put in for you, and for anyone who you're more friendly with this year than you were last year (because someone has to make the first move), and take your present when it comes.

The person doing the collections knows that none of the others contributed to yours, so she shouldn't be judging you for returning the favour.

Peter333

Oooh what a conundrum. As a few have said, it's hard to say anything as you may feel like the party pooper. But I think mentioning to one of the supervisors or managers is the way to go. It can't go on. And I'm sure that others feel as you do.