Not contributing to colleagues' birthday gifts

sulphate

At the risk of sounding like a skinflint, a couple of months ago I decided to stop contributing to colleague's birthday presents. I work with many people and there are up to 3 birthdays a month that everyone is expected to contribute to. I don't mind contributing to "one off" presents (if someone is leaving or is ill) and I often bake cakes etc but there has to be a limit somewhere. Whenever someone's birthday is coming up, someone else usually comes round with the dreaded envelope and waits for you to sign it and put money in the envelope before moving on to the next person in the office. I really resent the expectation that people will open their wallets, and often people put in up to £10-£20 if it's a big birthday etc, something I just can't afford to do all the time. This is the first job I've been in where everyone is simply expected to cough up. In my last job if it was someone's birthday they might get a card and if enough people had contributed small change they would get a box of chocolates or some cheap wine, if that, but here, colleagues can get things like spa days and theatre tickets.

Is this unreasonable? The worst thing is that not everyone knows who and who hasn't contributed and so when the time comes to hand over the presents and card everyone is expected to go to that person's desk and say happy birthday etc and so I feel like a bit of a fraud if I haven't contributed any money.

It's my birthday coming up in a couple of months. I haven't said to everyone that I no longer want to hand over money for their presents (!) hoping they would eventually figure it out but it hasn't been long enough yet. I, obviously don't want or expect anything for my own birthday and would feel very guilty if everyone clubbed together and bought me something. Should I tell them via an office email "Hey guys, please don't get me anything for my birthday because I won't be getting anything for yours"?!

To put this into context, I am not a big present buying person. The only people I buy birthday presents for are my husband, my parents, and his parents. Even amongst my other family and close friends, we only give cards (if that) to each other for birthdays and the only occasion where I would get something more is for a child's birthday or a big life event.

duchy

Usually it's the same person who does these collections every time in most offices- Just have a quiet word with them

SailorSam

I've always put into collections and it annoyed me that they'd come around when people were leaving. But many had only been there months.

PenguinJim

I did the birthday stuff at my last office. Simply print out an A4 piece of paper with every staff member's name next to an empty tick-box in one column, and exactly the same list again (with tick-boxes again) in a second column (this can all be done in MS Word very easily).

Title Column A "Happy Birthday To" and Column B "From". Tick Birthday Person's name in Column A, and pass around the paper for the rest of the staff to tick Column B if they wish the person a happy birthday. Then fold the piece of paper in half and hand it to the lucky birthday person.

(Not sure if this is relevant, but I lasted five months there)

fivetide

If it is a big office it is tough but there is no particular amount you need to contribute.

Not contributing anything is a bit tough. I'd be tempted to raise it at a team meeting and say "look, we all put in the same cash so why not just forget the present and instead we'll do a card and the company can spring for a cake?"

That's what we did and it works well. Everyone signs the card, the person has Happy Birthday sung at them (badly) and everyone gets a bit of cake and a natter. Good for office wellbeing.

Mojisola

sulphate wrote: »

I work with many people and there are up to 3 birthdays a month that everyone is expected to contribute to.

I really resent the expectation that people will open their wallets, and often people put in up to £10-£20 if it's a big birthday etc, something I just can't afford to do all the time.

You won't be the only one who is either struggling financially or just resents being expected to hand money over for other people's birthdays.

Could you use your birthday as a reason for bringing up the possibility of changing what's done - it's probably one of those things that started small and has just grown because no-one has spoken up to stop it.

If it is one person who usually does the collecting, he/she may have a vested interest in keeping the current method going (self-importance while organising the collecting and deciding what presents to buy, etc) so it would be better to get it out to everyone.

FBaby

Not contributing anything is a bit tough.

I agree. If you are in a big office, everyone shouldn't need to contribute much more than £1. It is nice to get a a bunch of flowers, or a £10/20 voucher to your favourite shop as a gesture and it shouldn' be a huge financial drain to contribute to that level.

Putting £10 individually is riduculous especially if many contribute as I think it is much more difficult to pick the right present at £100 than 1/10th of it, but ultimately, it is up to individual people how much they want to put in.

savingmummy

Speak to whoever does the whip round and explain you don`t want to contribute and to not collect for your birthday.


Maybe when you see the whip round going round you can bring in a cake instead?
I used to take in cake and they were very gratefully received.

FBaby

Surely baking a cake or worse buying one is more costly than contributing a pound or two? Also need to be sure of the type of cake they like. One year a colleague baked me a lovely cake clearly spending time and efforts but I'm not keen on cakes and this one was a flavour I really done like yet I felt obliged to have a piece to make her happy. Would have much preferred a £5 voucher from Boots!

Oakie

One place I worked had a system in place where everyone contributed £5 a month into the 'present fund'. Then when it was someone's birthday the organiser would buy a present. So basically everyone got out what they put in. It also avoided the problem that some people were more popular than others and would receive a bigger present than someone else.

Tygermoth

We don't do presents (office is two large and to many different teams) The birthday person brings in cakes.