Not contributing to colleagues' birthday gifts

lazer

sulphate wrote: »

At the risk of sounding like a skinflint, a couple of months ago I decided to stop contributing to colleague's birthday presents. I work with many people and there are up to 3 birthdays a month that everyone is expected to contribute to. I don't mind contributing to "one off" presents (if someone is leaving or is ill) and I often bake cakes etc but there has to be a limit somewhere. Whenever someone's birthday is coming up, someone else usually comes round with the dreaded envelope and waits for you to sign it and put money in the envelope before moving on to the next person in the office. I really resent the expectation that people will open their wallets, and often people put in up to £10-£20 if it's a big birthday etc, something I just can't afford to do all the time. This is the first job I've been in where everyone is simply expected to cough up. In my last job if it was someone's birthday they might get a card and if enough people had contributed small change they would get a box of chocolates or some cheap wine, if that, but here, colleagues can get things like spa days and theatre tickets.

Is this unreasonable? The worst thing is that not everyone knows who and who hasn't contributed and so when the time comes to hand over the presents and card everyone is expected to go to that person's desk and say happy birthday etc and so I feel like a bit of a fraud if I haven't contributed any money.

It's my birthday coming up in a couple of months. I haven't said to everyone that I no longer want to hand over money for their presents (!) hoping they would eventually figure it out but it hasn't been long enough yet. I, obviously don't want or expect anything for my own birthday and would feel very guilty if everyone clubbed together and bought me something. Should I tell them via an office email "Hey guys, please don't get me anything for my birthday because I won't be getting anything for yours"?!

To put this into context, I am not a big present buying person. The only people I buy birthday presents for are my husband, my parents, and his parents. Even amongst my other family and close friends, we only give cards (if that) to each other for birthdays and the only occasion where I would get something more is for a child's birthday or a big life event.

Going against the grain here probably - but since it's your birthday in a few months - that means you have contributed for 10 months since you last got something out of it - so I wouldd continue to contribute until your birthday and then say after it that you will not be contributing anymore and don't want a collection next year

maman

When I joined my last workplace, birthdays were like cookery competitions! The competition was incredible. I remember one colleague making this unbelievable chocolate cake decorated with realistic looking chocolate leaves made by pressing them onto rose leaves.


A few of us just started bringing in cheapo Mr Kipling stuff and that tradition died!;)


On the presents we only collected for big birthdays, babies or people leaving (permanent staff not temps) and no one knew how much you put in. We also had a buffet lunch where everyone brought in a dish to share.


This was manageable but I think OP's situation is OTT. I'd be surprised if it's a formal/official thing so IMO not appropriate for a team meeting. I'd suggest that OP approaches whoever organises the collections and says not to collect for her own birthday and that she'll not be contributing to others either. Maybe suggest cards only. If you have colleagues who feel the same it might be a good idea to tackle it together. You might want to compromise and say you'll contribute to big birthdays. Don't feel guilty about it. It's your money and your choice.


I wouldn't be surprised if loads of people agree with you. I know in my family when DD1 suggested no Christmas gifts for adults we were delighted.

newcook

in my old workplace we used to have a birthday club which you had to join before jan 1st - everyone who wanted to contribute to birthdays would be on the list along with date of their birthday and it was a set amount of £5. it saved the embarrassment of not putting in to weekly collections for people who I either didnt know or didnt particularly like or some people getting £50 and others getting £20

LittleMrsThrifty

Your birthday is the perfect opportunity to raise it. Send round a quick note saying something like:

'It's my birthday coming up next month. Please don't feel you need to contribute to a gift. Unfortunately I am having to watch my pennies so won't be able to contribute to collections from now on and so I woudln't feel comfortable receiving a gift myself. I will however bring in cake for you all to share with me on the day...'

DKLS

Am happy to chip in, usually £5, £10 if I like the, and for my old director I put in a few Thai coins I found in my desk drawer, which amounted to around 0.003 pence, which is all i thought of him. But it would have been rude not to put anything in at all.

ska_lover

I hate these expectations in an office. I hate the generic rubbish presents you always end up giving and receiving. A voucher... etc. SO DULL.

When I took on my current position, the person leaving asked if I would continue to 'do the birthdays' - I wasn't interested at all, and did a survey of staff, where they could answer in private if they would like to continue or jack it in. More than three quarters said 'please can we stop this madness' so we did

DigForVictory

OP - seems you can either be principled now, or be careful then pricipled after your birthday - but sounds like everyone might heave a sigh of relief if this endless circuit were to close!

An office MrDig worked at had the inverse system - on your birthday, you provided cakes (tradition was cream cakes) for all, but it meant "free" cream buns from folks week in, week out! We saved, then bought as many 3 for 2s as we could & the happy chirps & croons were heartwarming...

trolleyrun

I've never worked in an office and reading the various comments, I'm so pleased I don't have a "proper" office. The only collection stuff that occur on my work place is the "I'm doing XYZ for charity, feel free to donate if you wish" and there's a collection box at a central point. No pressure for anyone.

I do think a collection of £10-20 for each birthday is ott though. I bet there are people in that office who would love for this "tradition" to end. £20 would cover my grocery shopping for 10 days, so I wouldn't want to give it to someone I barely know.

System

sulphate wrote: »

I really resent the expectation that people will open their wallets, and often people put in up to £10-£20 if it's a big birthday etc, something I just can't afford to do all the time.

That does sound excessive. Are the other workers also feeling pressured to give amounts of money they can't afford, or are they happy to do this?

fivetide wrote: »

Everyone signs the card, the person has Happy Birthday sung at them (badly) and everyone gets a bit of cake and a natter. Good for office wellbeing.

When I worked in an office I really didn't like this. People used to stand around the desk of the person whose birthday it was, and clap and sing Happy Birthday to You. It was very embarrassing. It felt like kindergarten!

Lily-Rose_3

ska_lover wrote: »

I hate these expectations in an office. I hate the generic rubbish presents you always end up giving and receiving. A voucher... etc. SO DULL.

When I took on my current position, the person leaving asked if I would continue to 'do the birthdays' - I wasn't interested at all, and did a survey of staff, where they could answer in private if they would like to continue or jack it in. More than three quarters said 'please can we stop this madness' so we did

Hate vouchers too. Basically, the person buying is saying 'buy your own gift.' Rude and thoughtless imo.

I also hate (as someone said above ^^^) the whole office singing 'happy birthday to you!' Cringfest alert! Especially as I rarely liked more than half my colleagues and I detested people I disliked wishing me happy birthday.

And yes, giving 5 or 10 pounds is ridiculous imo.