Mum having to go into care, what should we do with house

stoneman

BobQ wrote: »

OP

I think you should sell the house. On the open market or if it means a lot to you or your sister (as the third option implies) to yourself (but if you do, make sure that you tell the council and have proof you are buying at a market price).

It really does not matter to your mother who it is sold to, its a terrible disease, but she is not going to recover from it so will never know it has been sold. One of the things you get used to when you have a relative with severe dementia, is the need to lie to them (for their peace of mind and yours).

To those who would rather pontificate on this thread about the moral aspects of those who try to avoid care home fees, you really ought to show more sympathy for the OP at a distressing time and take your moralising elsewhere. There are many older people in this country who rightly or wrongly begrudge paying care home fees. You do not need to agree with them but do recognise that people think the way the OP describes.

Thank you, I have purposefully not replied to the other discussion.
I think we might sell. Better to have the money in hand than maybe periods of the house being empty with no renters.
Might put it up for rent or buy and see what comes up first.

cte1111

Most people who are living in care homes now worked one way or the other during their lives, whether that was in the home or in the workplace. The main difference is whether they were in well paid enough jobs to be able to buy their own homes and accrue private or workplace pensions.

My husband's Grandma worked as a cleaner and a foster carer. Her husband died leaving her with 3 children and she lived in social housing for most of her life. She understandably did not have assets available to pay for her care home, when she needed it in the last years of her life. She was so far from the scroungers that people seem to think of when they complain about some people having their care paid for by the state. My mother-in-law did everything she could to help her Mum stay living in her sheltered housing flat but in the end she was too confused to be safe on her own, so for her own safety she was best in residential care.

My Dad and my Gran have also both needed care in the last few years. They had been more fortunate in that they had both been well off enough to buy their own homes and had some savings too. This meant we and they could choose where they wanted to go and also pay for it from their assets.

I think it's fair that people who have assets pay and people who don't, don't. There is simply not enough money in the system for everyone to have residential care paid for by the state. People shouldn't live in expectation of inheriting money.

To answer the OP - I'd sell the house, it's hard work being a landlord, particularly when you live miles away. Also it looks like the rent won't pay the difference between the care home costs and the other income, so you would need to sell anyhow.

ML420cdi

bryanb wrote: »

... I cannot understand why you think I as a taxpayer should pay for you mother's care when she is in a position to pay it herself......

She has been paying for her care all her life through the taxes she has been paying and continues to pay....

This alone should fund her care. We are paying a national INSURANCE premium...now it should be her time to enjoy calling in on that insurance. She shouldn't have to sell her worldly belongings.

PasturesNew

stoneman wrote: »

She already gets attendance allowance but that stops as soon as she goes into a home.

Not if she's paying her way in the home. She still gets AA.

ViolaLass

ML420cdi wrote: »

She has been paying for her care all her life through the taxes she has been paying and continues to pay....

This alone should fund her care. We are paying a national INSURANCE premium...now it should be her time to enjoy calling in on that insurance. She shouldn't have to sell her worldly belongings.

She will continue to have access to the NHS, should she need it, and other services. She can't 'call in' on NI already paid - that covered services available then e.g. schools, hospitals and so on.

Mojisola

ML420cdi wrote: »

This alone should fund her care. We are paying a national INSURANCE premium...now it should be her time to enjoy calling in on that insurance. She shouldn't have to sell her worldly belongings.

Why not? Why should she be able to keep it just so that other people can inherit it when she's gone?

Like Lovelyjoolz, I was really grateful that we had a choice of homes when Dad needed residential care and that we weren't restricted to the few that accept LA funded clients. He wasn't going to be living in his house any more so he didn't need it. His day-to-day care was more important to us than preserving his money so that we could inherit from him.

cavework

Lovelyjoolz wrote: »

That is absolutely NOT the case. I've been through the process this year as my Grandmother moved into a home.

The Council will only pay a fixed amount towards fees, but most homes charge more than the Council will pay. Those additional costs have to come from the resident or the family of the resident and are called top-up fees. In my Grandmothers area, 97% of the homes charged these fees.

The ones that don't charge top ups are the ones you end up in if you have no assets to fund your care yourself. Those homes are, frankly, not the kind of home I wanted to put my Grandmother in. They were the ones painted that awful institutional green and smelt constantly of boiled cabbage. The residents are mostly left alone in the common room all day with little to entertain them because the homes had to cut costs to the bone to stay open on Council level fees.

If that is the type of residential care you are happy to spend your twilight years in then go ahead, sign over your house. It won't be a nice place to live, and your daughter will probably be wracked with guilt over the miserable existence you have, but at least she'll have an inheritance eh?

My Grandmother is a nasty, two-faced liar who spent her life dividing the family and making people's lives miserable, and I STILL wouldn't put her in a Council funded home! I couldn't live with myself. The home she is in now is inexpensive, but costs more than the Council will pay, but its a wonderful, homely place where the carers actually treat the residents like a human being and spend time chatting with and genuinely caring for them. I rest easy in my bed knowing she's in a good place and haven't given a second thought to the fact that we've had to sell her house to pay for it.

You all forget ONE basic fact.. what about the partner of someone requiring Nursing home care and who remains in the marital home?
You cannot and should not force them to sell .. remarks about Adult Social Services funded placings in homes, that have been made on here are pretty darned naïve and stupid, considering most homes take Adult Social Services SUBSIDISED residents with top ups in most of these cases and private paying residents.
.. Those being partly supported by SS payments in these homes still have money deducted from personal income and are left with approx. £22 a week spending money.. IT IS NOT FREE BED AND BOARD !
It,s really easy to say WHAT you would do when faced with this decision... it,s a whole different story when decisions have to be made

Mojisola

cavework wrote: »

You all forget ONE basic fact.. what about the partner of someone requiring Nursing home care and who remains in the marital home?

You cannot and should not force them to sell .. remarks about Adult Social Services funded placings in homes, that have been made on here are pretty darned naïve and stupid, considering most homes take Adult Social Services SUBSIDISED residents with top ups in most of these cases and private paying residents.

.. Those being partly supported by SS payments in these homes still have money deducted from personal income and are left with approx. £22 a week spending money.. IT IS NOT FREE BED AND BOARD !

I looked at the homes that our LA would fund and I wouldn't have left my Dad in them.

LA funded clients can go into the more expensive homes but only if someone else is willing to sign up to paying the top-up fees. That's a commitment to pay an ever-increasing amount of money for as long as the client lives!

cavework

Not always .. if the only home available that can provide for the care needed is more than the the LA are prepared to pay .. they have to fund the difference..
If in the future the fees increase you can fight and you will win.. as they are responsible for any increases
trust me , I did it when LA tried this with my Dad when he was 90 and had been at the Nursing home for nearly 3 years, the only stupid thing I did was allow them to claim a top up from the British Legeon when he was placed.. they had nowhere else that could handle his needs and recommended the home ... therefore they should have been responsible for fees with no top up required.

cavework

If anyone has been contacted by Adult Social Services asking the family to top up as the fees have been increased , please feel free to PM me
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