Mum having to go into care, what should we do with house

dancingfairy

You might have a bit of time to sell the house. I'm sure care homes are used to having to wait for houses to sell and sometimes the council can help you with a loan and then they will secure it with a charging order.
df
ps. This factsheet from ageuk looks like it goes through all the different options. : http://www.ageuk.org.uk/Documents/EN-GB/Factsheets/FS10_Paying_for_permanent_residential_care_fcs.pdf?dtrk=true

AdrianC

Eviesmummy wrote: »

If you've paid your way all your life, done the right thing, should you not be entitled to a little help in your hour of need?

Nobody's suggesting those in need shouldn't receive help. The debate centres around those who aren't in need, but who want help so that their children can get a nice big inheritance untouched by the costs of old age.

Have you ever spent any time in one of these places?

Far too much time, thanks, since my mother-in-law spent seven years in a very good small privately-owned care home. In that time, I don't think we _ever_ visited once when the owner - a qualified nurse - and her husband (and often one or more of their kids) weren't there and working hard.

ViolaLass

Eviesmummy wrote: »

The care you get is the same, regardless of whether you or the state fund it! Most care homes take both council and privately funded patients. No one is treated any differently.

From what I understand (I haven't had to deal with this personally yet), you can choose to pay more to get better/nicer care (perhaps at a more expensive home or one that offers services that the LA will not pay for). I would want that choice for my mother and, in time, for me and my husband.

AdrianC

ViolaLass wrote: »

From what I understand (I haven't had to deal with this personally yet), you can choose to pay more to get better/nicer care (perhaps at a more expensive home or one that offers services that the LA will not pay for). I would want that choice for my mother and, in time, for me and my husband.

From personal experience, don't get price tag and qualify of care confused...

mgarl10024

Sorry to hear about your Mum.

This country has a massive issue with incentivising anyone to save sufficiently for their retirement, let alone their care costs.

Reading this, it's hardly surprising.

Lovelyjoolz

Eviesmummy wrote: »

The care you get is the same, regardless of whether you or the state fund it! Most care homes take both council and privately funded patients. No one is treated any differently.

That is absolutely NOT the case. I've been through the process this year as my Grandmother moved into a home.

The Council will only pay a fixed amount towards fees, but most homes charge more than the Council will pay. Those additional costs have to come from the resident or the family of the resident and are called top-up fees. In my Grandmothers area, 97% of the homes charged these fees.

The ones that don't charge top ups are the ones you end up in if you have no assets to fund your care yourself. Those homes are, frankly, not the kind of home I wanted to put my Grandmother in. They were the ones painted that awful institutional green and smelt constantly of boiled cabbage. The residents are mostly left alone in the common room all day with little to entertain them because the homes had to cut costs to the bone to stay open on Council level fees.

If that is the type of residential care you are happy to spend your twilight years in then go ahead, sign over your house. It won't be a nice place to live, and your daughter will probably be wracked with guilt over the miserable existence you have, but at least she'll have an inheritance eh?

My Grandmother is a nasty, two-faced liar who spent her life dividing the family and making people's lives miserable, and I STILL wouldn't put her in a Council funded home! I couldn't live with myself. The home she is in now is inexpensive, but costs more than the Council will pay, but its a wonderful, homely place where the carers actually treat the residents like a human being and spend time chatting with and genuinely caring for them. I rest easy in my bed knowing she's in a good place and haven't given a second thought to the fact that we've had to sell her house to pay for it.

Torry_Quine

Lovelyjoolz wrote: »

That is absolutely NOT the case. I've been through the process this year as my Grandmother moved into a home.

The Council will only pay a fixed amount towards fees, but most homes charge more than the Council will pay. Those additional costs have to come from the resident or the family of the resident and are called top-up fees. In my Grandmothers area, 97% of the homes charged these fees.

The ones that don't charge top ups are the ones you end up in if you have no assets to fund your care yourself. Those homes are, frankly, not the kind of home I wanted to put my Grandmother in. They were the ones painted that awful institutional green and smelt constantly of boiled cabbage. The residents are mostly left alone in the common room all day with little to entertain them because the homes had to cut costs to the bone to stay open on Council level fees.

If that is the type of residential care you are happy to spend your twilight years in then go ahead, sign over your house. It won't be a nice place to live, and your daughter will probably be wracked with guilt over the miserable existence you have, but at least she'll have an inheritance eh?

My Grandmother is a nasty, two-faced liar who spent her life dividing the family and making people's lives miserable, and I STILL wouldn't put her in a Council funded home! I couldn't live with myself. The home she is in now is inexpensive, but costs more than the Council will pay, but its a wonderful, homely place where the carers actually treat the residents like a human being and spend time chatting with and genuinely caring for them. I rest easy in my bed knowing she's in a good place and haven't given a second thought to the fact that we've had to sell her house to pay for it.

Not the case in my experience at all. My relative was initially self-funding and then by the council and it made absolutely no difference to her care. There were no top up fees ever asked for. It was an excellent home with caring staff and activities arranged including outings.

Lovelyjoolz

Aren't you in Scotland Torry?

BobQ

OP

I think you should sell the house. On the open market or if it means a lot to you or your sister (as the third option implies) to yourself (but if you do, make sure that you tell the council and have proof you are buying at a market price).

It really does not matter to your mother who it is sold to, its a terrible disease, but she is not going to recover from it so will never know it has been sold. One of the things you get used to when you have a relative with severe dementia, is the need to lie to them (for their peace of mind and yours).

To those who would rather pontificate on this thread about the moral aspects of those who try to avoid care home fees, you really ought to show more sympathy for the OP at a distressing time and take your moralising elsewhere. There are many older people in this country who rightly or wrongly begrudge paying care home fees. You do not need to agree with them but do recognise that people think the way the OP describes.

Torry_Quine

Lovelyjoolz wrote: »

Aren't you in Scotland Torry?

Yes I am. ...