Advice on stopping payment to ex for son needed

seven-day-weekend

Person One will always be on the side of anyone other than the man/father in any discussion to do with relationships.

I think you have done the right thing in discussing things with your son and I too do not see why you should pay to support him while he faffs around making up his mind. You've said you are happy to do so if he goes back to college. I think that is the right decision.

1trainer1

first of all let me say well done on paying for your child while there are many men out there that dont.

as now everything is resolved I dont want to give you advice but just want to say communication is the biggest obstacle most people have and if you have an open line of communication with your son and ex then that is very good.

18 years old is depending on the circumstances is grown up and an adult so he needs to make his own decisions and not be molly coddled as some parents do to their children

zzzLazyDaisy

m9g wrote: »

I am on speaking terms, hes had a part time job for a couple of years now and going to college, he doesnt finish his course until next week. We have both asked him what he wants to do i.e. get a job or go back to college and all we get is dunno yet.

I have decided, as it could take him a while to decide (coz thats how he is) I am going to stop payment when he finishes his course, if he decides to go back to college and try something else at some point then I will as by law start paying again up until he is 20.

I am not going to pay for him to sit around on his pc and games machines for the next 6 months whilst he decides

Even though his course ends next week, you continue to be liable for maintenance until the end of August/beginning of Sept (CSA will tell you the exact date for this year).

This is because the school year does not formally end when the summer term ends, but when the Autumn terms starts.

The fact that he may have a part-time job while at college, and/or that he may be working through the school holidays is ignored for CSA purposes.

So, basically, from your point of view, he has until start of the new school year to decide what he wants to do next. If he successfully applies for a new college course, then your CSA liability will continue.

If he ceases full-time further education, and starts a uni course, or gets a job, or sits around playing computer games, then your liability for CSA payments will cease (as will child benefit payments).

snow_ball

I read Person One's posts to mean that most resident parents would be unlikely to withdraw all financial support once their child is no longer in further education.

The OP shouldn't have to support his son while he faffs around making his mind up, but someone will have to? And it's the job of both parent's jobs to provide that, and any other support he needs - including a kick up the backside and a reality check if necessary!

PenguinJim

snow_ball wrote: »

The OP shouldn't have to support his son while he faffs around making his mind up, but someone will have to?

The adult son's employer springs to mind. :A It's not my parents' responsibility to financially support me until I retire, any more than it's good parenting to rush to a baby every time it cries or give a toddler every sweet they demand. You consider and pick the right sweets for the right occasion.

And if they never demand a sweet, you can enjoy that feeling of pride.

specialboy

OP, you have been given some good advice on here but if you need any more advice on the subject just click onto the 'benefits and tax credits' forum and there is a separate section there for Child Support.

jaylee3

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Person One will always be on the side of anyone other than the man/father in any discussion to do with relationships.

I think you have done the right thing in discussing things with your son and I too do not see why you should pay to support him while he faffs around making up his mind. You've said you are happy to do so if he goes back to college. I think that is the right decision.

What's with the personal attack(s) on 'person one?'

Why can't people just answer the question that the OP put and give them their views and advice, without targeting a particular poster?

I think that the OP should keep supporting his son financially til he gets an income. And I also don't believe for one second that the lad's mother has never paid for ANYTHING for her own son. Anyone who believes that is deluded.

So you contributed financially to your son's upbringing for 18 years? Do you want a medal? He's your SON! Presumably his mother raised him. I bet she isn't carping on about it and expecting praise and recognition.

Reminds me of someone I know who when he has to stay in and look after his 2 kids six nights a year while his wife goes out with her friends, says he is 'babysitting.' !!!!!!, you don't babysit your own children!

I suppose I will be accused of 'man bashing' now. Save it. I don't care.

I wonder if a certain poster whose name begins with G will be on this thread soon? :cool: Wouldn't surprise me PMSL as she follows people around who disagree with her so she can put snide remarks on response to their posts. (I won't know anyway, as I have put her on 'ignore.')

mgdavid

do you know what the agreement made when you divorced said about this matter (if anything)? In my son's case the legal agreement states '...reaches 18 or no longer in secondary education whichever is the later' as his barrister said otherwise you can end up funding a perpetual student.

snow_ball

PenguinJim wrote: »

The adult son's employer springs to mind. :A It's not my parents' responsibility to financially support me until I retire, any more than it's good parenting to rush to a baby every time it cries or give a toddler every sweet they demand. You consider and pick the right sweets for the right occasion.

And if they never demand a sweet, you can enjoy that feeling of pride.

Yes he's an adult, just about. My point is that many parents don't withdraw all support, financial or otherwise, the second their child turns 18 or finishes full time education. That doesn't mean they will end up providing full financial support until they reach retirement age either, it's usually somewhere in between. Like you say, the right sweets for the right occasion.

Alchemilla

Just wondering if you could (after your legal obligation is over) offer to pay some/all of this money into an account for your son so long as he is doing something constructive and not sitting around playing games?