Splitting the bills? Is anything other than 50/50 unfair?

Tropez

I haven't got too long so I'll keep this brief and simple (for once!).

When my wife and I first officially began living together (before we were married) we worked out the household bills would be based on a percentage of our respective incomes. As I was the higher earner, I contributed more.

Anything that was an individual thing - like mobile bill, satellite TV etc. - was paid for by the person who wanted it.

We both agreed that was a fair way to do it.

highjewelgreen

Person_one wrote: »

I wouldn't start off your cohabitation by being his dogsbody by the way. You both work full time, there's nothing wrong with you doing a little bit more around the house if you have more time, but he shouldn't be waited on and never have to lift a finger. If he lived alone he'd have to do it all no matter how many hours he was working and commuting. Adults do housework, that's life!

You are quite right, he is moving closer to my family so will have to travel 2 hours a day to and from work. While he is traveling I don't mind doing the extra house work because he is making the sacrifice to move closer for my sake. But I certainly don't intend to be doing it all, he can help at the weekend.

Anatidaephobia

highjewelgreen wrote: »

I will talk to him about it over the weekend. I just hope it doesn't give him a licence to do nothing around the house at all :-)

Just be clear from the start. With my partner, it's easy because there are several things that we both know are "his job" and it's his responsibility to do those things. I think that differentiation is helpful rather than sharing tasks which can sometimes result in the lines becoming blurred and one might start to feel like they do more than the other. At least, it works for us anyway

Gloomendoom

We have never discussed it. My wife moved in with me and I kept on paying the mortgage and the bills... apart from the grocery bill. She does the shopping now.

We both earn the same.

Anatidaephobia

Tosca3 wrote: »

I couldn't live in a household where one member of the partnership had lots more disposable income than the other.

Sometimes these things happen. Whether it goes up or down, most people will find their income changes throughout their life. If you start a relationship with someone, it seems unwise to assume that the current financial situation will remain that way forever!

onlyroz

We have a joint account from which the household bills come out. We both have a standing order set up to pay in an amount in proportion to our incomes to cover this. We pay for our own commuting costs, and we take it in turn to buy groceries. We negotiate as appropriate over larger expenses as they turn up.

I don't think you should be splitting things 50:50 if your incomes are in a different ratio.

Tosca3

Anatidaephobia wrote: »

Sometimes these things happen. Whether it goes up or down, most people will find their income changes throughout their life. If you start a relationship with someone, it seems unwise to assume that the current financial situation will remain that way forever!

For me that is exactly the point of throwing things into the same pot. We had a joint account from when I was 19. Some of the time I was earning great money, some of the time I chose not to work as I was a main carer for my parents. Other times my husband wouldn't have been able to hold down the well paid job he had if I hadn't been able to keep juggling all the balls in the air at home.

ska_lover

I couldn't imagine expecting my husband to foot more of the bills than I do. He is my partner 50/50 equal in every other way of my life, so why should finances be so totally different?

Person_one

ska_lover wrote: »

I couldn't imagine expecting my husband to foot more of the bills than I do. He is my partner 50/50 equal in every other way of my life, so why should finances be so totally different?

If the OP and her partner pay 50:50, they won't be equal financially. He'll be tons better off than she is and have loads more disposable income, he'll be able to save much more and have a completely different lifestyle than his partner.

In a true partnership, you don't have one going on luxury holidays to Hawaii while the other can only afford a caravan in Prestatyn!

I think its probably a bit early for them to just throw everything in one pot, they're only moving in together for the first time, but there does need to be recognition that he contributes more because he can. 'From each according to their ability, to each according to their need' is a good way to look at it.

duchy

As a matter of interest if you were the one doing the longer commute - would he expect to do ALL the housework,all the cooking and shopping for it, iron your clothes and make your packed lunch ?

If the answer is no then perhaps you need to think about why you think you would do so in an equal partnership.

Most successful relatiionships work because the contribution each makes is equally valued -I do think if you earn less than he does (after calculating in his commuting costs too) then a financial split of fifty fifty probably isn't fair and there is nothing wrong with redressing the balance with a larger share of domestic contribution but I'd question any man who expected to do absolutely nothing around the home . Making your own packed lunch is a personal responsibility and not a domestic chore anyway.

Start as you mean to go on and discuss how the contributions are going to work BEFORE rather than let it build up into an issue that needs readdressing once resentment has built up. You can always tweek the finer details later but it's much harder to change the basic idea.

Oh and don't think of him moving further from work as a "sacrifice" - he's gaining far more than he's giving up !