Is it normal for women to love their husband MORE than their children?

GobbledyGook

I keep thinking about this. I think every time something like this always brings up thoughts of my childhood. I think for most people the children, while they are young especially, comes first, but there are always examples where they don't.

I know of a situation where Wilma knew Jimmy for many years and despite knowing he hated children and she had a daughter Tina. She moved Jimmy in and then spent 3 years moaning about the constant conflict between Jimmy and Tina and how she'd tried to get Tina to just accept Jimmy's ways (which were basically to disagree with every single thing that Tina ever said or did).

When Tina was 12 Jimmy declared he was sick of having arguments (which he always started - Wilma just "couldn't" say anything or he'd leave her she feared) so Tina was told to either wind her neck in or she'd be kicked out. Wilma then basically stood by and watched while her child was forced out of the home to live with her Dad.

There is also my own mother. She stood by while my father beat us, starved us and generally just made our lives miserable and terrifying. Funnily enough I don't think as lowly of my mother as I do Wilma in the story above because in many ways my mother was also a victim whereas Wilma was just selfish (she never put her child first, even before Jimmy came along). My mother was terrified of him so she'd never have stood up to my father at all even to defend us, but sometimes (when not drug addled) she'd actively try and keep us out of his way and she didn't fight my grandparents to get us back at all [she was told she could go to a refuge, get us back and probably knew ultimately she could take him back, but said she couldn't leave him which my Nana thought was to keep us safely away from him] so sometimes there was a little bit of instinct there.

I can't imagine not putting your child's safety first instinctively yet that instinct just isn't there for some women.

moomoomama27

Love is very different for children and a spouse. I love my husband I and my children, but it's not comparable.

The key is priority. My children will always be my main priority, and will always come first over both myself and my husband.

Bangton

I love my son more than my OH. That's not to say I don't adore my OH because I do.

I thought no one could eclipse my OH before little one at
arrived but he has. I don't love anyone more than my son and never will. It's a love like no other.

I still love my OH though! !

Morglin

GobbledyGook wrote: »

I keep thinking about this. I think every time something like this always brings up thoughts of my childhood. I think for most people the children, while they are young especially, comes first, but there are always examples where they don't.

I know of a situation where Wilma knew Jimmy for many years and despite knowing he hated children and she had a daughter Tina. She moved Jimmy in and then spent 3 years moaning about the constant conflict between Jimmy and Tina and how she'd tried to get Tina to just accept Jimmy's ways (which were basically to disagree with every single thing that Tina ever said or did).

When Tina was 12 Jimmy declared he was sick of having arguments (which he always started - Wilma just "couldn't" say anything or he'd leave her she feared) so Tina was told to either wind her neck in or she'd be kicked out. Wilma then basically stood by and watched while her child was forced out of the home to live with her Dad.

There is also my own mother. She stood by while my father beat us, starved us and generally just made our lives miserable and terrifying. Funnily enough I don't think as lowly of my mother as I do Wilma in the story above because in many ways my mother was also a victim whereas Wilma was just selfish (she never put her child first, even before Jimmy came along). My mother was terrified of him so she'd never have stood up to my father at all even to defend us, but sometimes (when not drug addled) she'd actively try and keep us out of his way and she didn't fight my grandparents to get us back at all [she was told she could go to a refuge, get us back and probably knew ultimately she could take him back, but said she couldn't leave him which my Nana thought was to keep us safely away from him] so sometimes there was a little bit of instinct there.

I can't imagine not putting your child's safety first instinctively yet that instinct just isn't there for some women.

What a rotten childhood you had ...

Women that allow their children to be abused etc., really shouldn't ever be mothers, and I hope you have recovered from it.

Best wishes.

Lin

GobbledyGook

Morglin wrote: »

What a rotten childhood you had ...

Women that allow their children to be abused etc., really shouldn't ever be mothers, and I hope you have recovered from it.

Best wishes.

Lin

She really shouldn't have been a mother...

I was one of the lucky ones in so many ways, my grandparents (at huge risk to themselves legally and physically) took us out for the day when my brother and I were 7 and after realising how bad it had become didn't take us back. They always knew my father was abusive to their daughter, but she'd never listen to them. They had kept a close eye on us, but this often made him clever with his abuse - you can't see if a kid hasn't had dinner easily and we were never given the full body beatings she got. We got pushed over so our knees were bruised, my brother was tripped downstairs so his broken wrist was easily explained - the only unexplainable one whas when I was concussed by him chucking the iron and I've never ever been able to work out what he said to the hospital because I told them what happened. They went to a lawyer on the Monday morning, court later that week and after lots of arguments and interviews with social workers we were never sent back thankfully.

I was luckier than many kids in that respect.

thatgirlsam

I'm not sure if it's normal or not but I can't imagine it. My love for them is unconditional. The love for a partner does usually have conditions, like if they're unfaithful or something you would leave them. I'll never leave my children, even when they're grown up I'll be there no matter what they do.
They're me. I read a great book recently where it says that when you have a child your soul is divided, they are part of you and that's why childbirth hurts so much. A bit whimsical but I liked it.

PeacefulWaters

I think the OP needs a good long talk with Mum.

Followed by a GP referral for individual counselling. It might also be worth investigating family counselling.

thorsoak

nonnatus wrote: »

I find it odd that any of you can love your Husbands more than your kids.


I would ALWAYS value my children more. I'd throw myself in front of a car to get them out of the way and I certainly wouldn't do that for my Husband.


Kids are your flesh and blood - you've grown them, known them all their lives, you know everything about them.


Husband is a man who lived before you met him, who probably has loved other women before you etc. That connection is far more fragile. You may have "lusty" feelings for Husband which gets muddled in the grand scheme of things because Lust confuses other emotions and certainly confuses reason!


All of that is NOT to say I believe I'm right and you all are wrong!! I love the passion that has been expressed for Husbands - perhaps I'm just jealous because my husband never inspired such strong feelings...??

I loved my husband with a passion that I did not feel for my parents and siblings - I loved them deeply, but not in the same way as I loved him. We met young, married young, only ever loved each other - first love in both cases.

When we had our children, I loved them more because they were born of our love. I would have killed for them, died for them, everything but lie for them, because they would have to grow up and learn to live for themselves. He felt the same. Our love for each other lasted until his last breath - and my love for my children will live until my last breath - but my love for them doesn't have the same passion as my love for him. They know the passion of love they have with their partners, and the love they feel for their own children.

We - and our children - were the lucky ones. I do know some couples who have ignored their children because of their passion for each other - and some mothers who love their partners with a passion until they become pregnant - and then they almost become like scorpions or queen bees - killing the sperm donor!

Sad for the partner, sad for the children.

angelsmomma

I love my son more than I loved his father. My ex said he did not want a child when I found out I was pregnant so I chose my child. I have never regretted it. He moved on and now has a wife with a child 1 year older than ours!!

alias*alibi

berbastrike wrote: »

just wondering as I think my Mum does

My mum loves her husband (my stepdad) more than her kids; hell she prefers the dogs to us too. We are ranked 3rd and classed as a hindrence.