Adult son neglecting himself - at my wits end

PlymouthMaid

Students are a filthy lot on the whole. We wouldn't even set foot in the stinking kitchen when I took my daughter back last time.

Another poster has already mentioned that Council tax will be a big issue if your son stays in the shared house. There could well be other problems as I think a lot of student landlords like all people in the house to be students and probably expect them to vacate in the Summer at least. This will not work for your son if he is working. Dropping out of uni will most probably mean that he will have to return home anyway, From the sound of his skin condition and his poor management of it, he is unlikely to hold down a job for long I fear. I hope you get him to come home so he can get sorted out properly.

marisco_2

dandy-candy wrote: »

I don't want to rain on his parade but I think he is a complete idiot. What do I do?

You do nothing. At 21 he is a grown man. He knows how to look after himself and prevent skin problems and infections, launder his clothes, eat well, live in a reasonably clean environment etc. If he chooses not to live a lifestyle that facilitates him staying fit and healthy then that will be his look out.

If you keep stepping in then he will never stand on his own two feet, and be the best version of himself. This will have negative consequences on his personal and professional life. Some people just have to learn the hard way and it appears he is one of them.

theoretica

How much housework does/did your son do when at home? I am wondering if he actually needs lessons in how to do it (a shocking number of my fellow students simply didn't know how to do housekeeping) as well as having it laid out about how much time it really does take up. Also a discussion about which bits really matter for him and which he can let slide.

Is his diet likely to also be contributing?

Blackpool_Saver

theoretica wrote: »

How much housework does/did your son do when at home? I am wondering if he actually needs lessons in how to do it (a shocking number of my fellow students simply didn't know how to do housekeeping) as well as having it laid out about how much time it really does take up. Also a discussion about which bits really matter for him and which he can let slide.

Is his diet likely to also be contributing?

You can't get young people to learn to do this stuff nowadays, they have grown up in a culture of instant gratification, they think they can press a button like the Sims and it's a new clean day.....I have tried and tried with my son, he loses his patience after just loading the washer, or taking things out of it and hanging them up. They simply do not want to know. When we were growing up you had to actually work at things to achieve them, this generation do not understand that.

marisco_2

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

You can't get young people to learn to do this stuff nowadays, they have grown up in a culture of instant gratification, they think they can press a button like the Sims and it's a new clean day.....I have tried and tried with my son, he loses his patience after just loading the washer, or taking things out of it and hanging them up. They simply do not want to know. When we were growing up you had to actually work at things to achieve them, this generation do not understand that.

With all due respect I think that is a bit of a sweeping statement. I know plenty of people the same age as the OPs son, who are more than capable of looking after themselves, and do so without issue.

dandelionclock30

Just leave him to it OP, theres nothing more you can do. Hes an adult and makes his own choices and way in life.
If he wants to be filty and disgusting risking his own health then thats upto him. I'd let him go and get on with your own life and stop worrying.
If he ends up really ill then its his own fault. Its like drug users and drinkers , they only change when they want to do so. No amount of pressure or talks makes any difference.
I personally didnt know anyone who was this bad when I was at Uni. No one ended up in hospital from self neglect. I wonder if he has other issues like depression or excessive drug/alcohol use to end up like this.

Blackpool_Saver

marisco wrote: »

With all due respect I think that is a bit of a sweeping statement. I know plenty of people the same age as the OPs son, who are more than capable of looking after themselves, and do so without issue.

I know a few myself, but in my experience they are in the minority

whitewing

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

they think they can press a button like the Sims and it's a new clean day......

What a great phrase!

gwynlas

The dropping out of uni and severe self neglect cause me a lot of concern.
Can you ask for a mental health assessment whilst he's in hospital?
It might be a sign of illness rather than just not looking after himself.

theoretica

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

Just leave him to it OP, theres nothing more you can do. Hes an adult and makes his own choices and way in life.
If he wants to be filty and disgusting risking his own health then thats upto him. I'd let him go and get on with your own life and stop worrying..

Stop worrying about a son who has hospitalised himself twice in 2 months? I doubt any parent would take that advice!

Are his housemates aware that the state of the house may be contributing to his illness? What to look out for to point out he ought to go to the doctors?