Adult son neglecting himself - at my wits end

Caroline_a

Totally agree that it's his choice how he lives now at 21. We all worry about our kids but we can't live their lives for them, and if he wishes to live in squalor then you will do him no favours by rushing round doing everything for him.

At some point he may get a girlfriend - watch his personal habits buck up then!!

millysg1

He is an adult - may not act it but he is. He is being what I would say is a typical 21 year old uni student. I know as his mother you want to take care of him but he has to learn by himself. Advise him when he back home with you, as you are, but he will have to learn to take care of himself when he isn't. He has to learn this eventually and that wont be done via nagging (which is probably how he will see his mother's advice as being). Sorry, probably not that helpful advice.

dandy-candy

Thanks for replies. I spoke to him this morning and the job guy had said he would ring again but hasn't, I'm hoping he won't to be honest as it's not going to be realistic for DS to start on Monday.

I will have to arrange for his uni house to be cleaned or travel down and do it myself during the week, DS said he will help but that is not a good idea with his skin - I can't believe he doesn't even realise that himself! All his house mates have gone home for the holidays so they won't be there to lend a hand.

DS said the Drs have booked him an appointment with the dermatology clinic for Wednesday, but he has also been told to go down for a kidney test today - not sure why but they did blood tests on admission so maybe something is high/low.

Daisiegg - yes I have posted before about him scratching away at himself back in Jan!

19lottie82

dandy-candy wrote: »

All his house mates have gone home for the holidays so they won't be there to lend a hand.

prob for the best, I don't think your sons mates will be too chuffed if his mum turns up, demanding they help her clean the flat !

they just sound like your average disgusting bunch of boys tbh.

keep on nagging at your son, he may it appreciate it now, but he will in the future.

it might be worth pointing out that if he does manage to get a job, he may be jeopardising his employment by not addressing his condition. employers may not be too keen to keep someone on who keeps calling in sick.

19lottie82

PS another point that might be worth making is.....

if you DS stays in this student house, but gets a job, if everyone else is studying, he will be liable for the full council tax (minus a single persons discount).

is he aware of this? If it's a large house, it could be a hefty chunk of his wages each month. This might make moving back home look a bit sweeter.

whitewing

I would let him take the job as that may encourage him to look after himself a bit better.

I guess you'll have to intervene at some point but for now support him, i.e. clean the house when you have time, and only if you have the inclination.

Maybe tell him that you will pull him out the next time he ends up in hospital.

19lottie82

whitewing wrote: »

Maybe tell him that you will pull him out the next time he ends up in hospital.

The lad is 21, his Mum can't just "pull him out". All she can do is remove all financial support, if it's still being given.

Kayalana99

It can't as been as bad as the last one I went in...I went to visit a friend who is at Uni and we went to collect a friend from hers from her uni flat and their hoover had broke....ok fair enough understandable but then why did they sprinkle rat poison EVERYWHERE you actually could not step anywhere without treading on it.

[Deleted User]

Probably to make sure they killed all the drunken rats who fell asleep on the 'floor' after too much fallee down water.

System

dandy-candy wrote: »

I will have to arrange for his uni house to be cleaned or travel down and do it myself during the week

You are a very kind mum to do this! But if the lads are not going to keep it clean it will be dirty again in no time, especially if they have other people round and are having parties a lot.