Secret life of a 32yr old man

patanne

May I suggest that you take your daughter's name out of post #20, the normal is DD for dear daughter, to protect her & your anonymity. I hope you manage to keep seeing her frequently & that your debts don't get in the way.

Pippilongstocking

Goodluck from here too. Whilst I'm also a single parent my kids did live with me (the youngest has now left for an adventure with her dad)

Its a hard struggle sometimes but well worth it - I wish you all the luck in the world.

dean23

Thank you Patanne. It's been done. We're back home now are the drive in this rain!!

dean23

Hi all, just a little money update. Last night was the champions league final and bet365 had an offer on. To cut a long story short my friend showed me a way to guarantee a return of £20 profit. I don't for one minute condone gambling and 100% know you can't win long term or clear debts doing this. But I went along with it and sure enough I got £20 back. (please don't judge me as a gambler. I'm really not) I've since withdrew the money and it's safely in my bank so with the £47 i've got in change i've now got £67 towards my peachy loan. I've got a few things up on eBay also so hopefully if I can make over £105 total I'll be paying that loan off straight up.

Swampy3k

Have you ever looked into the possability of maybe getting a plane/train/bus to see your daughter? could do this just once a month and this may work out considerably cheaper than fuel & maintenance costs for your car. if she is young enough you could try and turn it into an adventure for her. just a suggestion

iammumtoone

I knew a father in the opposite situation to you, he was the one who moved 300 miles away for a new relationship and stopped seeing his daughter so regularly. The girls mother drives half way every two weeks where they meet so the cost (and time) is shared between them, would your ex consider doing this as she is the one who has moved, maybe suggest this once you start paying the full amount. Are you sure CSA don't take into account the cost of you travelling to see your daughter, this does seem very unfair as potentially the amount someone has to pay for CSA could stop them being able to afford to see their child and everyone knows that is not in the childs best interest.

Well done on starting your diary, I wish you luck.

ShirePiskie

Just to say I think you're very admirable, doing all you can to keep the level of contact with your daughter.

My husband is very lucky in that his daughter lives five minutes away and he (we) has made the decision to effectively limit his (our) career growth/ earning potential by staying put to see her as often as we do, but it's worth it for all our relationship.

I may have missed this in your posts, but do you pay your ex directly or via CSA as I understand they will be levying a 20% 'charge' for processing payments? Nuts.

Good luck with everything.

iammumtoone

https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/260890/how-we-work-out-child-maintenance.pdf

see page 34

something to consider once you move over to the full amount

going_nowhere_fast

Hi,

I cannot give any advice on the debt front because I'm not that clever but I do have some opinions re your daughter which might be helpful.

I am in the opposite position, I have a child with someone who literally did a runner once the baby arrived. We do not receive maintenance but i have learnt a bit along the way with how the system works (or in most cases doesn't).

I do not know if your arrangements have been done between yourselves or through a court but it may be worth considering that an application to court is only about £200 (I think) and they could order your ex to meet you half way when dropping off/picking up your daughter or they might say your ex drops your daughter off at your house and you are responsible for taking your daughter home. This would reduce your travelling expenses and the time you spend travelling.

I know you CAN have travelling expenses deducted from maintenance calculations but I can't remember how (I read it somewhere a couple of years ago).

I understand the CSA would increase your payments but they may take in to account your travelling expenses. I'm not sure. My experience of them was to avoid them if at all possible.

I'm sure you already do but make sure all maintenance payments are paid by bank transfer so that if your ex ever went to the CSA you can prove that you have been paying regular maintenance. If you pay in cash she could say she hasn't received it and the CSA would make you pay it again so effectively they would make you pay double. If you decide to go to court to increase your access arrangements or with regard to your travelling arrangements/expenses proof you have been paying regular maintenance will go in your favour. Officially they say that court and maintenance are two separate things and one does not impact on the other but in court each judge is an individual so that wouldn't always be the case - best to be safe than sorry.

dean23

Thanks for all the posts everyone. It truly is so nice to see so many people who I don't know personally actually offering sound advice. I really do appreciate it all. The payments I make are an agreement we made between ourselves and all always paid through a standing order. We sat down and discussed the costs of it all. At the end of the day she was with me alot so I fed her, bathed her, took her out, paid for general expenses etc. So I did pay more than the £220 I was giving. But I didn't mind because it was time with her. When she moved and I explained how I didn't think it was fair I was paying that amount, seeing her a fraction of the time and when I was allowed I was having to fork out even more to get her. She originally agreed to lower the costs to allow for petrol, but after she left (and presume she spoke to her partner about it) she refused.

I've spoke to her since I started this diary and she's agreed we can sit an talk about better arrangements, potentially meeting half way. This all needs to be discussed though.

I'd much prefer to keep this out of court and out of CSA's hands. We're grown ups and while I do appreciate not everyone can get along or be on decent terms with an ex partner after a break up, we're ok and do get on ok for our girl. She's already agreed to allow me to continue paying what I am now until I sort myself financially. She could go through CSA tomorrow if she wanted. I'm very hopeful we can sort something out.

I wouldn't have even suggested talking about it with her if it wasn't for some of the ideas in here, so once again thank you all