Advice to a 21 year old?

Georgiegirl256

tayforth wrote: »

Same here!

One woman said to me "OMG look at your waist, I don't think my waist was that tiny even when I was born!", with hindsight, instead of just standing there open mouthed, I should have said "I can well believe that!"

lostinrates

SailorSam wrote: »

That reminds me of another regret in my life.
I'd like to be taller, it's Ok for women they can buy shoes with high heels.
I regret that they stopped making Gary Glitter type shoes that made me look taller.

When I first read this I thought ' well, nothing much we can advice a twenty one year old with that' but more thought made me realise this is a great post, because of course we can in wiggy's situation.

Wiggy, you made great strides in learn if to cook iirc. Good food, a balanced diet ( which included treats in moderation) and plenty of exercise and healthy out door time with sun protection) will hopefully see your little one maximise his potential, in health, height and all ways.

Sailor Sam, my DH is no taller than me in my heels, and shorter than me in some of my shoes, ( he's a couple of inches taller than me in bare feet). I wouldn't say I didn't find it odd at first, but I realise that there are tremendous advantages in a man near my own highs. No back a he for him or neck ache for me when we smooch walking along, and he's a great height to lean on when I am unsteady on my pins. Other things have advantages at a closer height IMO too.

bargainbetty

Over the years I have realised that my mum is one of the smartest people I know. She taught me these things, and I still believe in them.

Know how to cook at least five different meals. This is not for other people, but because you deserve good sustenance.
Learn how to change a fuse, wire a plug, put up a shelf, paint a wall etc. Pass these skills on, and learn anything you can in return. Fill yourself with random knowledge.
Learn how to ask for help when you need it.
Sometimes, the best decision you can make is to not make a decision at that moment.
Love yourself.

She always told me that the happiest day of her life was when she realised that everyone else worried about what she thought of them. She didn't need to worry about what they thought of her. She hasn't worried about it since, and is happier for it.

Pensions, money management etc are all good too, but fundamentally find your own happiness. Don't rely on others for contentment.

Person_one

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

One woman said to me "OMG look at your waist, I don't think my waist was that tiny even when I was born!", with hindsight, instead of just standing there open mouthed, I should have said "I can well believe that!"

Why would you say something so mean in response to what was clearly intended as a compliment? I don't get it.

meritaten

Wiggy - at 21 you have far more going for you than most people your age. You have wisdom and maturity! and quite honestly 'life' has really only just begun in the last year or so for you. for the first time you are living 'your' life - not the witches plan for your life. its bound to feel a bit strange! give it time hun!

Georgiegirl256

Person_one wrote: »

Why would you say something so mean in response to what was clearly intended as a compliment? I don't get it.

It wasn't said as a compliment and it certainly didn't feel like one when everyone laughed. To put it into context, that was just one comment out of many. I was young and didn't have the confidence back then and had to put up with comments about being anorexic....when I wasn't. So, as you can imagine, the constant comments about my weight weren't very nice.

My other post was to prove a point about how when you're younger things affect you that maybe wouldn't now and not having the confidence to stand up for yourself.

Person_one

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

It wasn't said as a compliment and it certainly didn't feel like one when everyone laughed. To put it into context, that was just one comment out of many. I was young and didn't have the confidence back then and had to put up with comments about being anorexic....when I wasn't. So, as you can imagine, the constant comments about my weight weren't very nice.

I can understand why it may not have felt like a compliment given the context. However, we live in a world where thinner is pretty much always considered better. I expect people laughed because of the self-deprecating part of the comment, they laughed at her making fun of herself by comparing her size unfavourably to yours. If calling attention to somebody's slim figure were an insult, there wouldn't be a multi-billion pound industry propped up by women desperate to have a smaller waist! You then basically calling her fat (which for some reason is one of the worst things you can call a woman) would have just been unnecessary and unpleasant.

So, on a related note, another bit of advice by me would be to try and give people the benefit of the doubt and assume the best of them unless it becomes absolutely clear that its the worst that's true. The world will seem like a nicer place!

Georgiegirl256

Person_one wrote: »

I can understand why it may not have felt like a compliment given the context. However, we live in a world where thinner is pretty much always considered better. I expect people laughed because of the self-deprecating part of the comment, they laughed at her making fun of herself by comparing her size unfavourably to yours. If calling attention to somebody's slim figure were an insult, there wouldn't be a multi-billion pound industry propped up by women desperate to have a smaller waist! You then basically calling her fat (which for some reason is one of the worst things you can call a woman) would have just been unnecessary and unpleasant.

So, on a related note, another bit of advice by me would be to try and give people the benefit of the doubt and assume the best of them unless it becomes absolutely clear that its the worst that's true. The world will seem like a nicer place!

I guess we'll have to agree to disagree on that one. Like I say, you weren't there, you didn't see how the comment was intended, and believe me, they weren't laughing at her, the joke was well and truely on me.

I see where you are coming from though, and while that comment may have popped into my head, in reality I probably wouldn't have said it. What I meant though is that nowadays I would have the confidence to speak up wear as back then I wouldn't have.

I don't understand though, why do people think it's ok to take the mick out of someone skinny and then disguise it as a compliment? But if someone was to take the mick out of an overweight person, then all hell breaks loose? Neither are very nice and no one deserves to feel bad about themselves. I guess the reason why that comment popped into my head is that this women made constant jibes at me, and sometimes attack is the best form of defence. If she was envious, then there was no need to be so god damn nasty.

Anyhow, in summary and not wishing to derail the thread any further....My message to the OP was 'Always have the confidence to stand up for yourself. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about yourself. You are as good as anyone else and don't let anyone tell you any different.'

duchy

I do get where Georgie is coming from....It gets very old to be told you are too thin all the time (at 19 I was seven stone) ......and asked or hints about anorexia -with an undercurrent of being put down (when with hindsight it's envy) and I can see she may have felt undermined even though she probably wasn't.....however that said I've found the best way to deal with dubious comments that may or may not be unkind or a subtle dig is to act like they aren't. If they are meant nicely no harm done -if they aren't then the person usually tries to dig again and ends up looking stupid and mean.

Person_one

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I don't understand though, why do people think it's ok to take the mick out of someone skinny and then disguise it as a compliment? But if someone was to take the mick out of an overweight person, then all hell breaks loose?

Well, its mostly to do with the fact that our society views thin as good and attractive and fat as bad and ugly.

Of course it isn't on to make nasty remarks about a person's appearance, whatever they look like, and I'm sorry that person made you feel bad, but the context is different.