Friend dilemma over small amount of money

Georgiegirl256

Going from your second post OP, the money is just the tip of the iceberg tbh. While I agree that technically yes, your friend is correct in saying that you do owe her more, in all other aspects, she is taking the P!

Tell her that you can't look after her son as much as you and your OH have things planned for the summer holidays. It puts you in an awkward position of not being able to organise things, go off on day trips or weekends away as easily.

Secondly, tell her yes you'll be able to take her to the airport BUT, you want some money for the fuel used. It's only right, and it's only fair. She really can't disagree with that surely, and if she does then I really don't see how she had the face to quibble over a few pounds.

System

She's not really a friend is she? She seems to be the one doing all the taking.

Rachylou1981

onlyroz wrote: »

In your example above, whether you're getting a raw deal or not depends on whether item Y is something you'd have bought anyway.

In the case of the OP, if somebody owed me money and then offered to take me out for lunch as repayment I might be miffed because I might not want a lunch out, and I'd earmarked the money for something else. Yes, from a monetary point of view I'd be even, but I might view the lunch as wasted money when instead I could have bought some essential groceries.

Exactly part of my point, I just don't explain it very well BUT even if I was going to buy it anyway, I'd much prefer to buy my own item and have the money owed treated separately - much to the annoyance and inconvenience of some

GobbledyGook

If your friend normally nippy like that?

If not, especially with the way she hugged you straight after, could there be something else going on with her?

The day my friend snapped at me over something random was my very first clue that something was really wrong at home for her. Could it be that something is going on so she's not being herself?

If she's normally petty, nippy and uses you as free childcare then why is she your friend?

If she wouldn't normally dream of snapping about a couple of pounds then I'd assume there's something going on rather than my friend had turned into a nippy tightwad.

Morglin

milliemonster wrote: »

I am genuinely interested in people's opinions here as I honestly don't know if my thoughts are completely off track and don't want a repeat of this in the future.

Yesterday spent the day shopping with a good friend (our 2 boys are at school together), I owed her £6 from some shopping she did for me a few days ago so I offered to buy her lunch yesterday which she was happy with.

We went for lunch to a cafe, her meal came with a huge black hair on it so she sent it back had an alternative and the cafe were very apologetic and deducted her meal from the bill, the bill for our drinks and my meal then only came to £7.45, as I didn't realise they only accepted cash and I only had small change, she paid and as soon as we left and I found a cash machine, I took out £30 a £20 note and a £10 note and immediately handed her the £10 note.

My friend then abruptly turned to me and said 'I don't mean to be funny but you owe me more than that' I was a little taken aback as I couldn't give her anymore anyway as I only had the other £20 note so would have given her more if required once I had some more change, it caused a little bit of a difficult silence and I then started rackingmy head thinking of how much I owed her.

So I owed her £6 from before and gave her £10 which more than covered my half of the lunch (I know I had previously said I would pay for lunch but that was instead of paying her back the £6 I owed her, not aswell as) but I guess she was thinking that as her meal ended up being free she didn't want to split lunch. She told me that I owed her another £3, therefore she wanted the £6 I owed her plus me to pay for lunch almost in its entirety (including her drinks)

To be honest I found all this a bit petty quibbling over a couple of quid, but before I had chance to discuss it, she gave me a hug and apologised saying she felt really mean and couldn't believe she was quibbling over a couple of pounds when I have her son for her so much (I look after him a couple of days a week after school until she gets home from work)

So, I'm sorry this is so long winded but my question is that if it had been me who ended up with a free meal during lunch with a friend I would still have just split the cost of the meal equally between us both, so we both benefitted from a cheaper meal, I'm just wondering if I am completely alone in this? I guess I just find it a little weird if good friends out for the day together are wanting to split the cost of everything to the last penny?

Don't borrow from mates, as it's the quickest way to fall out!

Lin

maman

PasturesNew wrote: »

I am the person who only orders a main meal and water to drink .... and my meal tends to be the cheapest.... !!!!!!!!!!s seem to try to pounce on these opportunities to order 2-3 pricey courses and a couple of drinks. Difference can be £6 for my choices and £15 for theirs. It all adds up if you're never the person with the alcohol problem and obesity/greed. If you only went out with £10 and expected to walk away with £4 so you could stop off and do 2-3 days grocery shopping, then you feel robbed when you're now told you owe £10.50 for the meal being split.

So you judge friends who choose to have drinks and more than one course as alcoholic and obese!:eek:


I dread to think what my friends must think of me.:o


:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:


To answer OP. I think you did owe her more than £10. You offered to buy her lunch to settle what you owed, not pay £6 towards it. Plus, although she got her lunch free in the circumstances, you wouldn't dream of cashing in on that so that's why the £6 is still owed. So it's cost of lunch plus £6 IMO.

fabforty

OP, your friend said something and then immediately apologised and acknowledged that she was being a bit petty, all things considered (although to be fair, I do think that you owed her more than £10).
We have all done this at some point, can't you just leave it at that? What more do you expect from her? It seems to have gone from one simple incident, to her being a user, not a real friend etc, in which case you need to deal with the real issues in your friendship.

pelirocco

milliemonster wrote: »

Thanks for everyone's thoughts I really do appreciate it and it does show there is a wide variation in what people think!, to set the record straight, I have my friends son for no money, I have never asked for any and never would and to be fair this was never an arrangement that was made, she took a job on without even asking if I would help her out, just sort of expected that I would, so it's become the norm really, I don't mind but I do work shifts myself so sometimes it can be a bit difficult. It's now got to the point that with the summer holidays coming up, she has asked me which week we are going on holiday so she can make sure she books that week off work, thereby suggesting that I am to be expected to have her son throughout the rest of the summer, I really don't mind doing this but as I work too, I now feel a little trapped in that if we have a day together as a family were not going to be able to plan anything as I will probably be having her son. I wouldn't have minded if she'd discussed this possibility with me before taking this job, but she didn't. Anyway, what's done is done, I can't see the poor boy without anyone to look after him.

Also just to add, she is going on holiday in July and their flights are during the night, she has asked me if we would take them to the airport and pick them up again, the airport is 20 miles away and we are both working the next day, but I'm the kind of person that will go out of my way to help my friends if I can, I guess this was why I felt a bit annoyed the way she spoke to me yesterday over the sake of a couple of pounds.

Sometimes neither of us have the ready cash to pay for things so we give and take with each other, I sometimes pay and never nag for her to pay me back, she always does in her own time and it's never a problem, so that's why I was a Little taken aback on this occasion as immediately we left the cafe we went straight to the cashpoint and her curtness at this point did upset me I'll admit. Whenever we go out together I am usually the one who drives, she doesn't normally offer to split the petrol money, pay for parking or whatever, on this occasion she wanted me to drive again but I couldn't find my keys at the last minute so asked if she would mind.

Also just to be clear I hadn't offered to buy her lunch just for the sake of it, it was very clear that this was instead of giving her the £6 back.

But all the same, I just assumed I had the kind of relationship with my good friend that there was give and take and we didn't have to be worrying about splitting every penny equally, obviously I was wrong about that so I will know for future.

I dont think she is a good a friend as you think
I once offered to look after a friend of my daughters one half term ,while her parents worked ( bearing in mind I had 4 children myself under the age of 6 ) . When the summer holiday came around I found they expected me to look after her then as well , they girl was pretty demanding didnt want to go to local summer ' camp' that mine wanted to go to , meaning my daughter ( who is also a soft touch lol ) felt she couldnt go either . The final straw was when I took the girl along to a planned day out some distance away and was told by her parents that I had to get her back by a set time because she had a swimming lesson ...........that was then end of the free baby sitting

I think shes taking the P tbh

maman

pelirocco wrote: »

I dont think she is a good a friend as you think
I once offered to look after a friend of my daughters one half term ,while her parents worked ( bearing in mind I had 4 children myself under the age of 6 ) . When the summer holiday came around I found they expected me to look after her then as well , they girl was pretty demanding didnt want to go to local summer ' camp' that mine wanted to go to , meaning my daughter ( who is also a soft touch lol ) felt she couldnt go either . The final straw was when I took the girl along to a planned day out some distance away and was told by her parents that I had to get her back by a set time because she had a swimming lesson ...........that was then end of the free baby sitting

I think shes taking the P tbh

My DD2 is like you. She seems to look after everyone's children in the school holidays. What irritates me is that if DH and I want to see her and DGD2 in the school holidays we invariably have a 'little friend' tagging along whether it's a meal, a day or or a trip to London for example. Fortunately they are usually very polite children but DH longs to see his family on their own!