Friend dilemma over small amount of money

DUTR

Skinto_7 wrote: »

Im my case, i have a strange thing where i dont like drinking alcohol with a meal, so i tend to stick with tap water while everyone tucks into the wine and beers, so i suppose in your scenerio i would be the "one being taken advantage of" i can honestly i would never once dream of doing anything other than splitting the bill evenly through the group.

I also cant see how you think the OP's friend is being taken advantage of, she paid for a few things when she was out with her mate because she didnt have any money and was then paid back pretty quickly.

As my previous post, i am amazed the OP's friend would take the full advantage of the discounted meal, so on the basis the saving was shared through the group, as you yourself say you do when out for a meal, then the OP has more than paid back what was owed.

That is not how I read it.... the time of the meal was the time to be repaid, 'morally' the meal offer should not be in place of but as well as the repayment.
Like other posters have highlighted, there are people that rarely seem to have the right amount of money for things they want.
Nowadays in the OP's friend shoes I simply wouldn't purchase the items, sometimes it's not about the actual amount but the principle.

as an example.... a few weeks ago I had driven my brother to collect a car 75 miles away, we already agreed he would cover the fuel cost (my time and vehicle wear and tear were not in the equation) I filled up the tank, and on return filled the tank again, the cost was £22.79, he gave me £23, more so though when we arrived at the destination, he paid for abreakfast at a cafe, was only £3 but was very much appreciated.
Likewise when I was going to collect my car 125 miles away, my other brother had offered to drive me there, his car runs on LPG, however I still gave him £50 which was a lot more than what he wanted (it would have cost me more than that in train fare) , we stopped off for food which I paid for.

But back to the original posting, we do not know how often these episodes occur or if it was a one off, however I still beleive the OP's friend made it clear where the line is that should often be crossed. After all if it's only a few quid then why not pay back a few quid more?

picklekin

It can get messy with friends. A friend and I fell out once because they thought I owed them money, although we'd ferried them lots of places and they hadn't offered to chip in for petrol (which was much more expensive!). However, after things like this happening with lots of friends we now use this site:

https://www.splitwise.com/

And friends take it in turns to buy each other lunches etc., Keep the receipt, and enter the money when you get home. . If anyone gets to far in one direction they can pay it off directly or just buy more food/drinks etc! Keep the receipt, and enter the money when you get home.

The only downside is that I think sometimes people use it as a licence to spend money, since its all going to be split they buy more stuff, but that can happen anyway.

Can you tell I work in accounts?

purpleshoes_2

PasturesNew wrote: »

Taken in isolation, this might be true ... however, we don't know if the OP's got a long history of "never having cash", "not got the right money" ... certainly seems to be a lot of that going on in just this one instance. Maybe the friend feels she's been 'burnt' many times before. And maybe the friend is the one who doesn't have the spare cash to be so slack over money, but gets backed into corners.

In just this one outing it's:
- Owed friend £6
- Invited friend for meal without having the means to pay for it, borrows meal money from friend at the drop of a hat
- Gets money from a cashpoint and feels that only having a £10 and a £20 note is sufficient to still not clear up the amounts/debt immediately, but uses another "not got the right ...." excuse.

The OP also posted that she has the friends son a couple of days a week while shes at work, Im assuming thats for free the way that shes posted that the friend commented on it herself, why she was quibbling about £3 when she has her son so much.

I think if that is the case and the OP does mind her friends son for no money, arguing about £3 is a bit ridiculous and petty.

Buzzybee90

You clearly owe her £13.45.

I know £3.45 isn't much but when people nicely forget things or round things down/ up, it soon adds up.

It's incredibly irritating when someone says they'll pay back with a drink etc, they probably don't even want the drink - just give them the money!

Skinto_7

DUTR,

I dont disagree with you on prinicple, i think we might be looking at the OP's situation with a different slant.

My interpretation was that they were out together her mate bought her something because she didnt have her purse and then as it was only £6 the OP said "how about i buy us lunch to pay back the £6 i owe you" to which i see as perfectly reasobale given the sum involved, obviously the OP then not having cash for lunch has slightly complicated things along with the "free meal" however if i was the mate i would have been more than happy.

Perhaps the OP could get a credit card or debit card to solve the no cash issue!!!

milliemonster

Thanks for everyone's thoughts I really do appreciate it and it does show there is a wide variation in what people think!, to set the record straight, I have my friends son for no money, I have never asked for any and never would and to be fair this was never an arrangement that was made, she took a job on without even asking if I would help her out, just sort of expected that I would, so it's become the norm really, I don't mind but I do work shifts myself so sometimes it can be a bit difficult. It's now got to the point that with the summer holidays coming up, she has asked me which week we are going on holiday so she can make sure she books that week off work, thereby suggesting that I am to be expected to have her son throughout the rest of the summer, I really don't mind doing this but as I work too, I now feel a little trapped in that if we have a day together as a family were not going to be able to plan anything as I will probably be having her son. I wouldn't have minded if she'd discussed this possibility with me before taking this job, but she didn't. Anyway, what's done is done, I can't see the poor boy without anyone to look after him.

Also just to add, she is going on holiday in July and their flights are during the night, she has asked me if we would take them to the airport and pick them up again, the airport is 20 miles away and we are both working the next day, but I'm the kind of person that will go out of my way to help my friends if I can, I guess this was why I felt a bit annoyed the way she spoke to me yesterday over the sake of a couple of pounds.

Sometimes neither of us have the ready cash to pay for things so we give and take with each other, I sometimes pay and never nag for her to pay me back, she always does in her own time and it's never a problem, so that's why I was a Little taken aback on this occasion as immediately we left the cafe we went straight to the cashpoint and her curtness at this point did upset me I'll admit. Whenever we go out together I am usually the one who drives, she doesn't normally offer to split the petrol money, pay for parking or whatever, on this occasion she wanted me to drive again but I couldn't find my keys at the last minute so asked if she would mind.

Also just to be clear I hadn't offered to buy her lunch just for the sake of it, it was very clear that this was instead of giving her the £6 back.

But all the same, I just assumed I had the kind of relationship with my good friend that there was give and take and we didn't have to be worrying about splitting every penny equally, obviously I was wrong about that so I will know for future.

Skinto_7

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

You clearly owe her £13.45.

I know £3.45 isn't much but when people nicely forget things or round things down/ up, it soon adds up.

It's incredibly irritating when someone says they'll pay back with a drink etc, they probably don't even want the drink - just give them the money!

Buzzy,

I would think the fact there are numerous different posts on here all with different opinions would highlight the fact that she doesnt "Clearly" owe her £13.45.

If you were out for a meal and something happened that resulted in your meal being given for free, would you refuse to pay a portion of the bill and take the full saving as it was your meal? I find that really strange, i would guess most people would still split the bill equally amongsr the group.

sunflower_2

Izadora wrote: »

People continually not having the right change etc. when they owe you money gets incredibly annoying after a while so I can understand the friend snapping - even if it's not the OP who is generally short on cash. One of my mates has a terrible habit where, if she owes you £12, she'll give you a tenner and say "Oh, I haven't got any change on me at the moment. I'll give you the other £2 later." yet never does. It seems too petty to pick someone up over a couple of quid but, over time, it all starts to add up and can lead to resentment. As much as I hate myself for getting annoyed over small amounts of money it can also lead to thinking 'Oh !!!!!!, not you too' when anyone else short-changes you.

100% agree with this.

i cant be the only one who "rounds up" when paying back money e.g. if i owe someone £12 and have no change I would give them £15 and say "you owe me £3" even tho i wouldnt really be bothered about getting that £3 back?

i hate "tightness" between family and friends.

onlyroz

In most cases I think it's petty to argue over "just a few quid". However I do know that it's easy for resentments to build up if you're constantly being asked to stump up "just a few quid".

To the OP, think back - do you often go out with the wrong change/not enough money etc etc and expect people around you to be happy at having to make up the difference with "just a few quid"?

I know that some people can cause annoyance by, for example, always accepting drinks when somebody is buying a round but then mysteriously disappearing when it comes to their turn. Or by expecting people to go halves on a meal when they've tucked into the lobster and a bottle of wine while their friend has had a salad and a glass of water. When we were child-free we used to eat out most saturday nights, and we had a friend who would often invite himself along, tuck into three or four courses plus wine and beer, and then announce that he had forgotton his wallet. In the end we had to resort to suberfuge so we could go out for a meal without him - e.g. pretend we were going home, and then sneak back into town once he'd got on his bus.

DUTR

Skinto_7 wrote: »

DUTR,

I dont disagree with you on prinicple, i think we might be looking at the OP's situation with a different slant.

My interpretation was that they were out together her mate bought her something because she didnt have her purse and then as it was only £6 the OP said "how about i buy us lunch to pay back the £6 i owe you" to which i see as perfectly reasobale given the sum involved, obviously the OP then not having cash for lunch has slightly complicated things along with the "free meal" however if i was the mate i would have been more than happy.

Perhaps the OP could get a credit card or debit card to solve the no cash issue!!!

I think the OP does have a card, the venue was a cash only place and hence why the OP's friend had to pay.
Yes I agree we maybe looking at the whole event differently, I suppose the bias from my view is because the OP has asked the question, where as you or I perhaps if one owed the other £8 , we would pay back £10 and call it quits.
I think it's further complicated by the dish being returned, what would the OP have forked out if the dish was not returned?

If I go out with my friend to a venue that accepts taste card, (we usually go dutch) now obviously if it's 241 on the offer, then I could in effect get a free meal out of it with the friend paying her half and me pocketing the discount.