Friend dilemma over small amount of money

DUTR

milliemonster wrote: »

Thanks for everyone's thoughts I really do appreciate it and it does show there is a wide variation in what people think!, to set the record straight, I have my friends son for no money, I have never asked for any and never would and to be fair this was never an arrangement that was made, she took a job on without even asking if I would help her out, just sort of expected that I would, so it's become the norm really, I don't mind but I do work shifts myself so sometimes it can be a bit difficult. It's now got to the point that with the summer holidays coming up, she has asked me which week we are going on holiday so she can make sure she books that week off work, thereby suggesting that I am to be expected to have her son throughout the rest of the summer, I really don't mind doing this but as I work too, I now feel a little trapped in that if we have a day together as a family were not going to be able to plan anything as I will probably be having her son. I wouldn't have minded if she'd discussed this possibility with me before taking this job, but she didn't. Anyway, what's done is done, I can't see the poor boy without anyone to look after him.

Also just to add, she is going on holiday in July and their flights are during the night, she has asked me if we would take them to the airport and pick them up again, the airport is 20 miles away and we are both working the next day, but I'm the kind of person that will go out of my way to help my friends if I can, I guess this was why I felt a bit annoyed the way she spoke to me yesterday over the sake of a couple of pounds.

Sometimes neither of us have the ready cash to pay for things so we give and take with each other, I sometimes pay and never nag for her to pay me back, she always does in her own time and it's never a problem, so that's why I was a Little taken aback on this occasion as immediately we left the cafe we went straight to the cashpoint and her curtness at this point did upset me I'll admit. Whenever we go out together I am usually the one who drives, she doesn't normally offer to split the petrol money, pay for parking or whatever, on this occasion she wanted me to drive again but I couldn't find my keys at the last minute so asked if she would mind.

Also just to be clear I hadn't offered to buy her lunch just for the sake of it, it was very clear that this was instead of giving her the £6 back.

But all the same, I just assumed I had the kind of relationship with my good friend that there was give and take and we didn't have to be worrying about splitting every penny equally, obviously I was wrong about that so I will know for future.

The child minding thing you will have to try and clear up without falling out over it, as it sounds like you both have varying ideas of what is acceptable and what should be rewarded.
Her child minding is for her to resolve .
I do think she is taking advantage over the childminding, but the loan bit are not exchangeable as such (IMO).

rachiibell

Friends being petty over money is the most annoying thing ever. Most of my friends will go out for a meal round the cost up to the nearest number that makes it easy to split and the rest is the tip.

However I have one other friend who I sometimes go for dinner with, with both our OH's as well. We've all been together for quiet a while (over 3 years) and both of us live with our partners. Normally me and OH take turns paying for our half of the food depending on who has the most spare cash on this occasion. My friend actually gets her phone out so she can work out to the exact penny how much she owes (based on what she ate/ drank) and how much her OH owes (based on what he ate/ drank) and they always pay separately.

This same friend also insists on making sure her cocktail is the exact same price as mine if we are using a buy one get one free offer even if there was only a 20p price difference in the one she originally wanted and the one I picked.

I would accept it if she was short of money. In fact I frequently subbed her over the years because she was "incapable" of getting a job whilst she was at uni however now it's me who's still at uni and working part time whereas she works lots more and I still have to put up with these penny pinching ways :mad:

Urgh rant over.

Rachylou1981

This is why whenever someone owes me money or I owe them (rarely as I don't like doing it), I prefer to just sort it out directly with that total amount rather than suggest they buy me a meal or a drink or I buy them one - like someone posted earlier, I'd rather have the money back.

For example, if my friend owed me £10 then I would want that £10 in full back, not in pieces and also not towards my part of a food bill etc

Another point to this is that if I have given someone £20+ i.e. paid for a event ticket then I may want that back in my bank account rather than in my hand and if someone pays for something else to cover it, I would never feel that I had that money back (even though I had).

My friends and BF laugh at me because of my way I am i.e. I will get confused and stressed with all the 'I owe you X so I will pay for Y' and I just say "just give me what you owe and we're even":rotfl:They don't get my way at all.

74jax

milliemonster wrote: »

So, I'm sorry this is so long winded but my question is that if it had been me who ended up with a free meal during lunch with a friend I would still have just split the cost of the meal equally between us both, so we both benefitted from a cheaper meal, I'm just wondering if I am completely alone in this? I guess I just find it a little weird if good friends out for the day together are wanting to split the cost of everything to the last penny?

i think it depends how good a friend you both are. For my friends if they bought me something for a tenner or less then to be honest we wouldn't really expect to get it back.

Like you I would have said oooo I'll shout this lunch and pay for it. If it then became free it wouldn't be an issue as we wouldn't see it as 'owing each other' if that makes sence.

HOWEVER, if it wasn't someone who I knew well or a work collegue etc then I'd given them the money back as soon as I could.

tyllwyd

If someone offered to buy me lunch as a thank you, I would be surprised if that meant only the meal and not a soft drink or a coffee as well. Since one meal plus two drinks came to £7.45, it doesn't sound as if you were intending to spend as much as £6 on your friend's meal, so it sounds as if the original offer wasn't all that generous anyway.

pablakeman

Personally, if I ever owe anybody money, I don't offer to pay it in kind or ignore it. Whilst it may seem simple if you owe someone money to buy them lunch, it is simpler to just give them the money.

For example, I owed a housemate 45p the other day because he got me something from the shop. He said don't worry about it, it is only 45p. But of course I paid it him back in principle. If I pick him up something from the shop, how am I supposed to ask him for the money back without sounding like I am being a bit anal if it is only a small amount etc?

Next time, if I were you, just pay what is owed (exact amount, or rounded up if only a few pence, but usually, exact amount).

I was an au pair last year looking after kids and sometimes the parents forgot to leave money so I got the shopping and they paid me back. The mother always gave me the exact money whereas the father normally rounded up the the nearest euro, sometimes more. I always got confused why the mother wanted to be so exact, but now I am completely on her side. If the dad ever game me a couple more euros than I was owed, I always felt as if I owed them back etc... So yeah, bit long-winded but just pay what is owed!

pablakeman

We all like to pretend stuff like friendships shouldn't be challenged by things like money, but this post proves that they are. No matter how close a friend is, just pay back what you owe.

If you look after her kids for free, and this is the deal, then this is unlinked to any other transaction. Yes, it is perhaps a bit petty of her to quibble over a few quid, but she is right, you did owe her more than that.

I am sorry to take such an objective view but I feel it is needed.

Threebabes

OP she doesnt sound like a very good friend.

It sounds like she is taking advantage with the childcare. She must be saving a fortune.

I would feel like I would have to distance myself and let her sort out some other free childcare.

You do that for her and she cant let you benefit from half a free meal ......

onlyroz

Rachylou1981 wrote: »

This is why whenever someone owes me money or I owe them (rarely as I don't like doing it), I prefer to just sort it out directly with that total amount rather than suggest they buy me a meal or a drink or I buy them one - like someone posted earlier, I'd rather have the money back.

For example, if my friend owed me £10 then I would want that £10 in full back, not in pieces and also not towards my part of a food bill etc

Another point to this is that if I have given someone £20+ i.e. paid for a event ticket then I may want that back in my bank account rather than in my hand and if someone pays for something else to cover it, I would never feel that I had that money back (even though I had).

My friends and BF laugh at me because of my way I am i.e. I will get confused and stressed with all the 'I owe you X so I will pay for Y' and I just say "just give me what you owe and we're even":rotfl:They don't get my way at all.

In your example above, whether you're getting a raw deal or not depends on whether item Y is something you'd have bought anyway.

In the case of the OP, if somebody owed me money and then offered to take me out for lunch as repayment I might be miffed because I might not want a lunch out, and I'd earmarked the money for something else. Yes, from a monetary point of view I'd be even, but I might view the lunch as wasted money when instead I could have bought some essential groceries.

Gigervamp

With regards to the childcare, have you asked her what she's doing for childcare in the holidays? You need to make it clear to her that she needs to sort something out as you can't be expected to have him all the time.

I looked after my friends child. I was a registered childminder and I charged her the same as I did the other mum whose child I looked after. But outside of the childminding hours, we often took turns looking after each others children without expecting payment.

Looking after your friends child for a short time a couple of days a week is fine, but she can't expect you to do it full time during the holidays.