Nervous as to what to say!!!!!

Mojisola

GobbledyGook wrote: »

I can tell you that when you work in a school and you know that a child is a bully, but they are smart enough not to get caught and the other children keep getting themselves in trouble by getting caught lashing out it is one of the most utterly frustrating situations.

This can be the explanation why nothing has been done but it can also be because the parents of the bully are difficult people and it's easier to just keep looking the other way than to keep having to call them in school.

wiogs

julie8314dave wrote: »

As i previously posted, this has been going on for the last couple of years, we have been in the school a number of times about this child.
we were at our wits end as to what to do.

As stated before we are not an aggressive violent family but were fed up with seeing our son distressed about going to school, the head has done nothing at all, the boy is still allowed to swan around doing what he likes to other kids, i must say i am not the only parent that feels like this.

But i will take on board what you have said and see what happens, i am also sure that a lot of people would agree that enough is enough and when you confront the bullie a couple of times it normally stops.

Do you have records of these conversations/visits?
What did the school say they would do or have you constantly been fobbed off?
If they have failed, and in the end that will be down to the head teacher, then you must take the matter higher, and let them know that you will be doing so.

maman

mrcow wrote: »

Not only that.

The OP should also make it quite clear that threats to "put it on his record" for secondary school are not appreciated. I would be making it clear to the Head that any further incidents will spark off a formal written complaint of bulllying and that she is not to make any more unwelcome threats to your son.

The school needs to be dealing with this.

And you as a parent need to start teaching your son to keep his hands to himself. His reaction has been inappropriate and you have taught him nothing by it,other than how to get himself into trouble.

I agree with your final paragraph but not the first one. Unfortunately, if OP's boy is demonstrating that he 'takes the law into his own hands' then the Head is neither threatening or bullying but sending factual records of his behaviour on to the next school. I'm sure the other boy will have his behaviour record passed on too.

DomRavioli wrote: »

Hi OP,

Teach your child non-violent communication; it isn't acceptable for anyone to hit your child, but it is also not acceptable for your child to strike them also.

I can see the head teacher having a right giggle over this when they get home; violence is never the answer to any problem - and you're advocating your child to do so...perhaps concentrate more on your parenting of your child, and less on slagging off teachers who put up with way more than you will ever do, for not a lot of money.

I agree dom, this is a strange attitude . Why, if the OP disapproves of violence towards her son is she advocating he uses it towards others. Since when was copying bad behaviour a good idea?

julie8314dave wrote: »

Well said pimento: well done to your son for standing up for himself, just like mine, unfortunately not a lot of people see that we teach our kids this wrong or right.x

You might believe you've taught your son what's right and what's wrong but a number of posters (myself included) don't agree that retaliating with violent, aggressive behaviour is the right thing to do. I'm also very surprised that your child's instructors haven't told him he's not to use judo at school.


My guess is that the Head is going to say that she does understand your boy has been provoked but that retaliating violently isn't acceptable in school whatever you've brought him up to believe. While he goes to that school (and any other IMO) he accepts the rules. I think she'll tell you that she's dealing with the other boy too but that the detail is confidential to his own parents.


If it was me, I'd tell your boy to keep his head down, work had for his SATs and focus on being well behaved at his next school. He'll have to learn that however you choose to let him behave out of school that in school he has to play by different rules.

Mojisola

maman wrote: »

I'm sure the other boy will have his behaviour record passed on too.

There's no guarantee this will be the case at all.

967stuart

Gigglepig wrote: »

Sorry but I don't think going in guns blazing will help your son, as the school is unlikely to see judo as a legit form of dispute resolution. If it was me I would apologise for having taught him to retalliate rather than respond in a more constructive and mature way, and ask them nicely not to hold it against him.

Eta - i would also point out that the other boy instigated the trouble. Sorry for your boy being picked on but I don't think the school will accept physical retalliation as being ok no matter what you say, so I would try another strategy.

Utter garbage.

OP, you did good teaching you boy to stick up for himself.
If he gets attacked then he has every right to defend his self.

Tell the Head teacher you want something done about this other kid or you will be going to the police next time.

Spendless

I had a son who would retaliate and I got fed up of his school only punishing him.

A school is not going to agree it's a good idea to 'hit' back.

My son's issues were only sorted when he went to Secondary and learnt to ignore and not respond when people started. He got access via his school that helped him with this. This was because a verbal argument would start prior to anything becoming physical, when son learnt not to respond it stopped.

Over the years I have found that sticking to fact and keeping my emotions and opinions out of any issues is beneficial, as is having a paper trail.

If you can give an example when speaking to HT of how an incident was triggered, you could work together to see how a different outcome could be achieved in future.

GobbledyGook

Mojisola wrote: »

This can be the explanation why nothing has been done but it can also be because the parents of the bully are difficult people and it's easier to just keep looking the other way than to keep having to call them in school.

In those kinds of cases it's more likely they are repeatedly called in, but it doesn't change anything.

Obviously depends on experience, but I've been lucky to never experience a situation where a school knew one child was the problem and ignored it, but reacted to the other child reacting.

I've seen them not bother to send letters home or call parents in because they knew they wouldn't come, but they'd also be easy on the child reacting back, which isn't happening in this case.


The other thing you need to watch for OP is how your son explained calmly that he was doing. Sometimes children of that age are not brilliantly aware of their tone and what he meant to say calmly and factually could have sounded cheeky or even disrespectful - especially if he was upset at the time.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

When I got my kickboxing/Muai Thai licences, I was told very clearly that, should I be in a position where I had to defend myself (not retaliate, but defend myself), I had to bear in mind that having a licence was not something to share with an investigating police officer, as proof of having that training left me vulnerable to possible legal repercussions if the attacker claimed I had attacked them.

Your son is in that same position - his skills aren't there for retaliation, they're there for sport and for defence. As his sensei is likely to confirm, were he to be asked.

mrcow

maman wrote: »

I agree with your final paragraph but not the first one. Unfortunately, if OP's boy is demonstrating that he 'takes the law into his own hands' then the Head is neither threatening or bullying but sending factual records of his behaviour on to the next school. I'm sure the other boy will have his behaviour record passed on too.

lol I mean the other boy is bullying him, but intesting that you took it that I meant the Head!

trollopscarletwoman

mrcow wrote: »

lol I mean the other boy is bullying him, but intesting that you took it that I meant the Head!

Not unheard of.