Nervous as to what to say!!!!!

mrcow

Mojisola wrote: »

I would take this line too.

Not only that.

The OP should also make it quite clear that threats to "put it on his record" for secondary school are not appreciated. I would be making it clear to the Head that any further incidents will spark off a formal written complaint of bulllying and that she is not to make any more unwelcome threats to your son.

The school needs to be dealing with this.

And you as a parent need to start teaching your son to keep his hands to himself. His reaction has been inappropriate and you have taught him nothing by it,other than how to get himself into trouble.

DomRavioli

Hi OP,

Teach your child non-violent communication; it isn't acceptable for anyone to hit your child, but it is also not acceptable for your child to strike them also.

I can see the head teacher having a right giggle over this when they get home; violence is never the answer to any problem - and you're advocating your child to do so...perhaps concentrate more on your parenting of your child, and less on slagging off teachers who put up with way more than you will ever do, for not a lot of money.

julie8314dave

As i previously posted, this has been going on for the last couple of years, we have been in the school a number of times about this child.
we were at our wits end as to what to do.

As stated before we are not an aggressive violent family but were fed up with seeing our son distressed about going to school, the head has done nothing at all, the boy is still allowed to swan around doing what he likes to other kids, i must say i am not the only parent that feels like this.

But i will take on board what you have said and see what happens, i am also sure that a lot of people would agree that enough is enough and when you confront the bullie a couple of times it normally stops.

pimento

My son was bullied the whole way through his secondary school. Just low level stuff but it was relentless.

What stopped it was my son lamping one of the bullies after he had attacked him for no reason. It was all caught on the school's CCTV. They were both suspended for a day. He took it on the chin and I made the right noises to the teacher.

On the way home I asked my son whether he had hurt the kid and he said "Yes", to which I replied "Good. If he does it again, hit him harder". he never had any more trouble after that.

julie8314dave

I do not need to check my parenting skills, teachers choose to do there jobs if they dont like it they have a choice.
I am sure that if it was your child or somebody close to you, would you just keep on letting it happen? i never once said my son was violent he just shoved the boy back he did not attack him in any shape or form.

julie8314dave

Well said pimento: well done to your son for standing up for himself, just like mine, unfortunately not a lot of people see that we teach our kids this wrong or right.x

Mojisola

julie8314dave wrote: »

As i previously posted, this has been going on for the last couple of years, we have been in the school a number of times about this child.
we were at our wits end as to what to do.

As stated before we are not an aggressive violent family but were fed up with seeing our son distressed about going to school, the head has done nothing at all, the boy is still allowed to swan around doing what he likes to other kids, i must say i am not the only parent that feels like this.

If you don't get satisfaction from the Head, write to the Chair of Governors explaining that the bullying has been going on for ages and nothing has been done about it.

Ask for a copy of the school's bullying policy and see whether the Head has been complying with it.

pmlindyloo

This is such a difficult one.

On the one hand no one should be condoning violence and on the other hand sometimes bullies only stop when they get some of their own treatment.

Unfortunately retaliating in the current 'oh so' PC world today can have some seemingly unfair results. It is not particularly the schools fault as they are part of the whole PC system.

What I personally would do is to put the onus on the school.

So, go in and apologise to the Head about the advice you have given to your son and say that you now realise that this approach is not acceptable in a school. Having said that you need to continue by saying that you need to know that your son is safe in school and would like to know exactly what strategies are going to be put in by the school so that you can tell your son. Ask for a printed copy of what your son should be doing in the event of someone 'attacking him'.
Plus, tell the Head that you are happy to go along with this as long as your son is safe. Also say that if there are any more instances of your son being hurt then you would have to consider making a report to the police about the assault.

Lastly I would be saying that your son was only doing what you, as a parent, had advised and should not be blamed for taking this action. As such you would be most annoyed if any such 'blame/behaviour' on his part was noted in his end of primary school report.

Keep calm about it all. The school has a responsibility to protect children. That is why you need to put the onus on them.

It is often difficult to have these conversations with some Head teachers. The best tip I can give is to keep repeating your ' I'm sorry about that and yes, I understand your point of view' and keep repeating your 'wants' - repetition of set phrases rather than getting drawn into a long conversation about the rights and wrong of the whole thing is a well used and effective strategy to prevent loss of temper and make your point.

GobbledyGook

Schools have their hands tied a lot of the time. If they don't see the violence from the other child and it's not reported to them by your son and backed up from other children there is very little they can do. However they have to act on what they witness, which unfortunately for your son was him pushing.

It's totally understandable sometimes when parents tell children to hit back, but it's not something schools can condone or endorse. They have to insist that the children tell them and give them the opportunity to deal with it.

You need to ask the school how you are all going to work together to resolve the situation for your son's sake.

It sounds as if the other boy is quite smart - he makes sure that when attention is drawn to the situation it is your son who is on top of him etc so seems like the aggressor. You have to play it smarter to give the school a chance to deal with it.

You never know the Head could be utterly frustrated that the children (and parents) are not actually giving them the chance to deal with the problem child. If no-one follows the rules and lets them just focus on the instigator then there is very little that can be done and I can tell you that when you work in a school and you know that a child is a bully, but they are smart enough not to get caught and the other children keep getting themselves in trouble by getting caught lashing out it is one of the most utterly frustrating situations.

FBaby

The problem is that you are not at school to witness your son's behaviour. I was speaking with my son's teacher last month and she told me how her many years of experience as a teacher taught her that the behaviour of children at school and at home can be very different. It might be that your son was defending himself fairly or it might be that he got annoyed by being poked and retaliated by a much more violent act which the school would not consider acceptable behaviour.

I think most parents even those of bullies don't believe their children's behaviour is quite bad. I have a good friend whose son is often being picked on. She is bringing him up very well and is fed up with the school not dealing with the situation properly. What she doesn't know is that her son who is best friend with mine acts very differently when not with her. He is a good kid overall but some things I have heard him say or seen makes me believe they he is not the victim as he tells his mum and I suspect he might at time be the one causing the conflict.