Feeling hurt

butterflylady131

OK, I need to concentrate on writing my mini dissertation, but I can't focus because of this, so hoping some of you good people might be able to help.
My younger brother, his wife, their two little girls, and my two sisters went out for a meal yesterday dinnertime. I'm upset because they didn't invite me, or mention to me that they were going.
It was to be a celebration of their wedding anniversary (last week), SIL's birthday (next week), and youngest sister's birthday (tomorrow).
I really don't understand their reasons for not mentioning it at all.
I phoned and spoke to SIL on Friday, to let her know that some Doc McStuffins tracksuits were in Tesco's, as she had mentioned that eldest niece had been wanting some. She said "Oh, speak of the devil. Was just talking about you!". I did ask, but she did not mention why. Everything was pleasant, said will see you at my dads over the weekend (we all congregate there on a Saturday afternoon). Spoke to eldest sister yesterday morning, again no mention of the meal. Spoke to youngest sister yesterday dinnertime, asked what time would she be down at dads, she said she didn't know.
We got to my dads, eldest sister walks in, says hello to all of us, gets changed and goes straight out, it was only then dad asked why aren't we going?

I actually feel really hurt. There's been no cross words, or arguments, and now I'm really annoyed and upset. I can't bring myself to speak to any of them. It feels like they just can't be bothered with us.

Sorry, just realised I'm not after advice, just needed a moan.

Artytarty

Aw, I'm sorry. I know if my daughters and son left somebody out. They would be hurt too.
Why not ask them why you weren't included? It could be a very simple reason. I think you should let them know you are a bit disappointed so it can be avoided in the future.
Try not to let it blow up into a major family bust up though. It's not worth it.

DUTR

butterflylady131 wrote: »

OK, I need to concentrate on writing my mini dissertation, but I can't focus because of this, so hoping some of you good people might be able to help.
My younger brother, his wife, their two little girls, and my two sisters went out for a meal yesterday dinnertime. I'm upset because they didn't invite me, or mention to me that they were going.
It was to be a celebration of their wedding anniversary (last week), SIL's birthday (next week), and youngest sister's birthday (tomorrow).
I really don't understand their reasons for not mentioning it at all.
I phoned and spoke to SIL on Friday, to let her know that some Doc McStuffins tracksuits were in Tesco's, as she had mentioned that eldest niece had been wanting some. She said "Oh, speak of the devil. Was just talking about you!". I did ask, but she did not mention why. Everything was pleasant, said will see you at my dads over the weekend (we all congregate there on a Saturday afternoon). Spoke to eldest sister yesterday morning, again no mention of the meal. Spoke to youngest sister yesterday dinnertime, asked what time would she be down at dads, she said she didn't know.
We got to my dads, eldest sister walks in, says hello to all of us, gets changed and goes straight out, it was only then dad asked why aren't we going?

I actually feel really hurt. There's been no cross words, or arguments, and now I'm really annoyed and upset. I can't bring myself to speak to any of them. It feels like they just can't be bothered with us.

Sorry, just realised I'm not after advice, just needed a moan.

When you get that degree/diploma, it stays with you until you die, hopefully you will be earning enough after graduation to be able to afford plenty of meals out etc.

toejumper

You moan away, I would of been really hurt if my sisters had done this to me to. Have you not asked them why you weren't invited :grouphug:

balletshoes

just ask them why only certain folk in the family were invited.

butterflylady131

Thanks for that. They know I'm upset, as they have been over compensating today (dad must have told them). Well, 2 sisters have, don't think brother gives a toss to be honest. I've been invited for Sunday lunch (never have in 10 years of being married), and have been told they will pop up to see me on the way to the Asda (can't remember the last time any of them actually came to my house, and I'm only a 5 minute walk away from dads). Declined both times.

The thing is, it might look like an over reaction, but this isn't an isolated incident. They genuinely do things all together without me, and I really don't know why. Can only assume SIL suggests it because she doesn't really like me, although to keep the peace I am always very pleasant to her.

MissMango08

Use this as motivation to do your best in your studies that you can. The situation remains the same in that the dissertation has to be done regardless, so rather than letting this defeat you, use it to prove to yourself that even in hard times, you can still do amazing!

balletshoes

butterflylady131 wrote: »

Thanks for that. They know I'm upset, as they have been over compensating today (dad must have told them). Well, 2 sisters have, don't think brother gives a toss to be honest.
I've been invited for Sunday lunch (never have in 10 years of being married), and have been told they will pop up to see me on the way to the Asda (can't remember the last time any of them actually came to my house, and I'm only a 5 minute walk away from dads). Declined both times.

The thing is, it might look like an over reaction, but this isn't an isolated incident. They genuinely do things all together without me, and I really don't know why. Can only assume SIL suggests it because she doesn't really like me, although to keep the peace I am always very pleasant to her.

erm - aren't you in danger of cutting off your nose to spite your face here? on the face of things, they now know you were hurt not to be invited to stuff, they've invited you to other stuff, and you're turning down the invitations?

butterflylady131

Because it's not a genuine invitation, and by asking me, they absolve themselves of all blame. I want them to want to spend time with me, not because they have bad behaviour to make up for.
Also, I have the dissertation to do. Time off was not in my schedule today.

balletshoes

butterflylady131 wrote: »

Because it's not a genuine invitation, and by asking me, they absolve themselves of all blame. I want them to want to spend time with me, not because they have bad behaviour to make up for.
Also, I have the dissertation to do. Time off was not in my schedule today.

fair enough - but you've declined both offers they made to visit with you, so they may not ask again (and they may feel justified in doing so if you didn't ask for a raincheck instead of turning them down completely).

butterflylady131

Tweeps wrote: »

I really don't think that that's called for to be honest.