Feeling hurt

daisiegg

Any chance they didn't ask because they knew you have lots of studying to do?

butterflylady131

balletshoes wrote: »

fair enough - but you've declined both offers they made to visit with you, so they may not ask again (and they may feel justified in doing so if you didn't ask for a raincheck instead of turning them down completely).

May be so, but they both know I am mega busy with this dissertation, and they also knew I would turn them down because of that, so I think that the invites were more so they could say "see, we invited you, and you didn't come" IYKWIM?

butterflylady131

daisiegg wrote: »

Any chance they didn't ask because they knew you have lots of studying to do?

To celebrate with them I would have made the time, as they know I feel family occasions are important. Asking me to Sunday dinner, and popping in on the way to the Asda, they knew would be distracting.

balletshoes

so OP, how do you think this can be resolved (because its not going to happen on its own).

Big_Tree

butterflylady131 wrote: »

Thanks for that. They know I'm upset, as they have been over compensating today (dad must have told them). Well, 2 sisters have, don't think brother gives a toss to be honest. I've been invited for Sunday lunch (never have in 10 years of being married), and have been told they will pop up to see me on the way to the Asda (can't remember the last time any of them actually came to my house, and I'm only a 5 minute walk away from dads). Declined both times.

The thing is, it might look like an over reaction, but this isn't an isolated incident. They genuinely do things all together without me, and I really don't know why. Can only assume SIL suggests it because she doesn't really like me, although to keep the peace I am always very pleasant to her.

Maybe because you're a bit childish and not much fun.....

you complain they didn't ask you to go.....then....they ask you for Sunday Lunch and offer to come and see you and they're rejected.

butterflylady131

I really don't know. I think it has more to do with the fact that they behave like this because I let them. I think I maybe need to stand up for myself and in the future when something happens like this, just say straight away "Am I not on the guest list then?".
I am the oldest, and the one they all turn to when they need help/assistance/ in need. They do not seem to realise it has to be reciprocated.
I'm my own worst enemy sometimes, need to be assertive.

globetraveller

this doesn't make much sense. They know you are really busy so won't have time to go to Sunday dinner with them but yet you are upset because they didn't invite you to an evening meal.
Is it just possible that you have told them how busy you are and they thought you wouldn't have time to go out but now you are clearly upset they are trying to make it up to you. The way you are responding is like a spoilt child to be honest.
Perhaps you don't realise this as you are stressed?

butterflylady131

BigJockKnew wrote: »

Maybe because you're a bit childish and not much fun.....

you complain they didn't ask you to go.....then....they ask you for Sunday Lunch and offer to come and see you and they're rejected.

Lordy, I actually feel like I'm repeating myself. The invitations weren't genuine, they were made to absolve guilt.

Big_Tree

butterflylady131 wrote: »

Because it's not a genuine invitation, and by asking me, they absolve themselves of all blame. I want them to want to spend time with me, not because they have bad behaviour to make up for.
Also, I have the dissertation to do. Time off was not in my schedule today.

What a ludicrous way to speak about your family....

Bad behaviour to make up for?

Would you rather they invited you because they feel obligated?

Obligated or 'making up for bad behaviour' they wanted to have a night out without you there. It might be that when you are there, your perceived slights from the past cause an under-current of friction and tension, and to be honest......who wants that when they are celebrating?

butterflylady131

BigJockKnew wrote: »

What a ludicrous way to speak about your family....

Bad behaviour to make up for?

Would you rather they invited you because they feel obligated?

Obligated or 'making up for bad behaviour' they wanted to have a night out without you there. It might be that when you are there, your perceived slights from the past cause an under-current of friction and tension, and to be honest......who wants that when they are celebrating?

Ok, this is getting daft now. If you will re read the OP, you will see the meal was at lunchtime, so that my nieces could go (they are both quite young). And no, my perceived slights, do not rear their head because I was very well brought up and I know how to behave in company and in public.