Feeling hurt

belfastgirl23

I understand why you're feeling hurt and I think I would too in this situation.

But at the same time in reading your posts you are also responsible for some of your own hurt feelings. You told your dad that you were unhappy that they went out without you. He told them rather than you asking them yourself. Then they tried to make up for it and you rebuffed them because it wasn't 'genuine'. How do you know it wasn't genuine? Maybe they didn't think you'd be hurt about the lack of an initial invitation and when they realised that you were they tried to make up for it? That seems genuine enough to me. Honestly I think you're huffing (or being passive aggressive) and that's pretty much horrible for everyone, yourself included. Either talk to them properly, go along and smooth things over, or get over it. What you're doing now isn't good for you or them, or especially not for your dad.

BTW are you absolutely certain that this isn't one of those psychological games people play with themselves to avoid doing your dissertation? I'm an expert at this!

butterflylady131

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

I understand why you're feeling hurt and I think I would too in this situation.

But at the same time in reading your posts you are also responsible for some of your own hurt feelings. You told your dad that you were unhappy that they went out without you. He told them rather than you asking them yourself. Then they tried to make up for it and you rebuffed them because it wasn't 'genuine'. How do you know it wasn't genuine? Maybe they didn't think you'd be hurt about the lack of an initial invitation and when they realised that you were they tried to make up for it? That seems genuine enough to me. Honestly I think you're huffing and that's pretty much horrible for everyone, yourself included. Either talk to them properly, go along and smooth things over, or get over it. What you're doing now isn't good for you or them, or especially not for your dad.

BTW are you absolutely certain that this isn't one of those psychological games people play with themselves to avoid doing your dissertation? I'm an expert at this!

Yes, may be I am huffing, but I think its because it's been done before, and its an ongoing pattern. All the more reason to get my feelings out. Yes, I should have said something, perhaps will ring eldest sister tomorrow, she is a lot more self assured than me, though, so I will have to "man up", if I'm going to have this conversation with her.

Actually talking (or writing) it out is helping to clear my head. Will attempt the dissertation soon. One last cuppa..........:D

Soleil_lune

I bet they didn't do it maliciously butterfly. Sorry you feel like poop. But I would say to them that you were puzzled at being left out and a bit hurt, and you wonder why you weren't asked. Bet they don't do it again!..

Hope you feel better soon

butterflylady131

Soleil_lune wrote: »

I bet they didn't do it maliciously butterfly. Sorry you feel like poop. But I would say to them that you were puzzled at being left out and a bit hurt, and you wonder why you weren't asked. Bet they don't do it again!..

Hope you feel better soon

Thanks. Dissertation calling now. Wish me luck!

thorsoak

Good luck with the dissertation - as for the family - just tell them that you were hurt at not being asked ....and that you would prefer it if they didn't "second guess" what your response might be.

Soleil_lune

butterflylady131 wrote: »

Thanks. Dissertation calling now. Wish me luck!

GOOD LUCK!!!

marisco_2

In all honesty I wouldn't want to spend time with someone, who saw my right to decide who I chose to mix with on any given social occasion as bad behaviour, simply because they weren't invited along. For you to not feel able to bring yourself to speak to any of them, and to be so churlish about them asking to pop in and see you is a total over reaction. You are cutting your nose off to spite your face, and if you carry on in this vein you risk alienating yourself from them altogether.

belfastgirl23

Good luck. Getting on with the dissertation will definitely make you feel better and also make you feel braver about facing up to this with the family as well

SuzieSue

Good luck with the dissertation.

I hope they didn't do it deliberately, but it's hard to give them the benefit of the doubt on this.


I think that you need to ask one of your sisters why you weren't invited otherwise it will eat away at you.


All I can imagine is that one of them doesn't like your company for some reason. If that is the case then that is their loss and you just have to make time for the relatives you do get on with.


I have some close relatives who I really don't like and I'm sure they don't like me but I care too much about upsetting them not to invite them when I invite the rest of the family. Perhaps one of your relatives doesn't care if they hurt you if you are not invited. If that is the case then there is nothing you can do about it but make the most of not having to spend too much time with them.

Nicki

You and your sister in law aren't friends though are civil to each other and the lunch was a small one mainly to celebrate your sister in law's birthday and her wedding anniversary, though it also happened to also be your sister's birthday the following day. It's not really rocket science to see why you weren't invited, and as your dad also wasn't invited it isn't like this was a whole family event which you were excluded from.

To be honest I think you are overreacting to this. You weren't "entitled" to an invitation as you seem to think and by now turning down other invitations in a huff, you are making everyone feel uncomfortable, spoiling your sister in law's celebration and generally being a bit of a drama queen. Which to be blunt isn't going to make her like you any better!