Need some advice please

BigAunty

cmace2 wrote: »

I've come home from work tonight with him actually in the house cooking me dinner, promising that he has done everything he needed to for this week and will be with me in the house, and he loves me and he will sort it. I've just heard it all before but every time hope that this is the time he means it. It's just hard to accept that I think I need to call time on the relationship, when we should be looking forward to the most exciting times of our lives.

He does actually mean it at the time, he believes his excuses are truly valid and he does genuinely mean to change but at the character/personality/patterns of behaviour level and embedded attitudes, it simply can't be sustained, and you know it.

Well,you've let his milestones slide and the moment it looked like you were serious about ending the relationship, he was incentivised to improve his behaviour (for the time being, of course).

I personally think you will experience another ground hog day of him sliding back to his comfortable default position where he prioritises his own interests over yours once it looks like he can safely get away with it (i.e. when you've calmed down and been treated with a bit of temporary attention).

It seems that you are prone to forgiving him if shows enough contrition and don't have any real appetite to go it alone, so you are in fact, enabling his selfish attitudes and sense of entitlement because when you resist, he steps up just enough to get away with it until the next time.

You could use this as your final milestone, his final chance but I imagine the more serious you get in attacking his behaviour, the more he will step up to defend his entrenched privileged position.

You think that if he breaks his promises this time, that's it, it's game over, but he knows how to play you better than you know how to stop being manipulated.

I hope you do follow through with your decision to end the relationship. Be prepared, however, for the pleading and special treatment to step up. He's got a cushy number and he knows it. Going alone in the world, having to pay for his own treats is going to be a shock for him. He will resist!

neneromanova

When I first got together with Hubby, He had just gotten out of a marriage, and I was pregnant by my ex. We got together when I was 6 months pregnant. It was lovely and everything but we came to near my due date and both thought it's really not what we need at that moment in time, I needed to concentrate on the birth, DD1, and he needed to sort his head out after his wife left him. We cut contact and a couple of weeks later we started talking and realised that what we both wanted was each other so we gave it another go, he was sorted and is happier than ever and I felt in the right place after DD1 was born. We've now been together 6 1/2 years and have 3 children (2 biological) and are so strong now. I don't think we'd have lasted this long if we hadn't had that time apart.

That's why I recommended taking a break from each other. You need to concentrate on your baby for a while and leave him to sort himself out.

"If you love something let it go, if it comes back to you it was truly meant to be" And I so stand by that saying