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Second Bedroom House Dilemma
Comments
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WOW! :eek:But then you probably don't have kids who were sidelined by a new partner, unfortunately you can't 'paint over' damage done to children who are put second in every decision in the 'new family' their father chooses.
He obviously has concerns, not about the room size, but about the entire choice his new partner is demonstrating.
Talking about bed sizes is not facing the elephant in the room.
Room sizes = importance in his question, that's how I see it, it's how his ex will see it, and in time it will be how his child sees it.
She is allocating the smallest space she can to his child, I was making a point - he is choosing a woman to set up home with, and may well end up with his child - he needs to make sure his new partner allocates space, in every way, in their life for this child to come into.
You've got all of that from the OP's post?
I didn't read that he has concerns about "the entire choice his new partner is demonstrating".
We don't know that this child is being side-lined or put second in "every decision".
I'm not convinced there is an elephant in the room.
The OP asked if people thought that a 9' x 7' room was too small - not if other posters thought his partner was side-lining his son or putting him second.Hi all,
I've got a dilemma - my partner and I are buying our first house - a three bedroom home and have found the perfect one. I have a 5 year old son from a previous relationship who stays with us every other weekend, but I also see during weekdays at his mother's. The new home has three bedrooms, one master, one of the same 12x12 size, and one 9x7.
My partner feels strongly on having a guestroom - which would have to be the 12x12. It's my feeling that 9x7 is too small for a child, but in her defence he much prefers to play in the lounge than on his own.
What do others think about a 9x7 room, is it big enough? What would you do in the situation? A guestroom obviously has its benefits and my son being in the larger room means the smaller one would have to become storage or an office, not ideally what either of us want.
Am I just overthinking everything, and 9x7 is fine?
Your thoughts are much appreciated!0 -
But then you probably don't have kids who were sidelined by a new partner, unfortunately you can't 'paint over' damage done to children who are put second in every decision in the 'new family' their father chooses.
He obviously has concerns, not about the room size, but about the entire choice his new partner is demonstrating.
Talking about bed sizes is not facing the elephant in the room.
Room sizes = importance in his question, that's how I see it, it's how his ex will see it, and in time it will be how his child sees it.
She is allocating the smallest space she can to his child, I was making a point - he is choosing a woman to set up home with, and may well end up with his child - he needs to make sure his new partner allocates space, in every way, in their life for this child to come into.
I think you are right - I really hadn't thought of it like this, maybe it is a problem. My kids have tended to choose their own bedrooms, interesting to see what happened if they did that0 -
It's not about the room size (of course a small room is ok for a child) it's about whether the room size is sensible given the option of a larger room in the house.
It's about your g/f's view of your child's status in your joint life together.
Totally agree with this.Make £25 a day in April £0/£750 (March £584, February £602, January £883.66)
December £361.54, November £322.28, October £288.52, September £374.30, August £223.95, July £71.45, June £251.22, May£119.33, April £236.24, March £106.74, Feb £40.99, Jan £98.54) Total for 2017 - £2,495.100 -
It's not about the room size (of course a small room is ok for a child) it's about whether the room size is sensible given the option of a larger room in the house.
It's about your g/f's view of your child's status in your joint life together.
What would happen if something happens to your ex and he is with you full time? Would she still want to put him in the cupboard to allow space in her life for her friends above a child?
Absolutely!Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud.0 -
A five year old by and large will not really care where they are as long as they are loved and secure. Even better if the room is just theirs and they can have spiderman wallpaper or whatever. And after all it appears the GF is perfectly happy about the smaller room being devoted entirely to the child, even though we can all find something to do with an extra room. That seems like a decent compromise to me.
And being honest, if the GF isn't prepared to put the child first in every single thing, does that make her a bad person? If the impact on her happiness (since she is there full time) is quite big and the impact on the child's happiness is minimal (if it exists at all), should she agree to handing over the bigger room, even if it's not needed, just so that it appears that she is being fair to the child? It seems to me that this is designed to keep the child's mother happy rather than the child himself. And if I were the GF I would be a bit rankled by this!0 -
It's not about the room size (of course a small room is ok for a child) it's about whether the room size is sensible given the option of a larger room in the house.
It's about your g/f's view of your child's status in your joint life together.
What would happen if something happens to your ex and he is with you full time? Would she still want to put him in the cupboard to allow space in her life for her friends above a child?
We have 4 bedrooms in the main house and another 2 in an outbuilding (doubles up as office and gym).
Inside there's our room, then 2 large double spare rooms and the 4th room is about 9x7. DD (3.5) has the littlest room. She has a full size bed, full size wardrobe and a full sized bookcase in there. There's a trundle bed under her bed too. She has no toys in there.
In the coming months one of the spare rooms will be redecorated and a double daybed/sofa bed put in. Most of DD's toys will move up there and become a playroom (which people can stay in if they really need to).
We don't have so many visitors that we need so many guest rooms not being used most of the time. That said DD will be staying in the smaller room for as long as possible!!Trying to be a man is a waste of a woman0 -
I think you need to ask yourself what would you do if your son was both of your child, would you give him the second best room then?
I get the impression (only because you've posted the thread) that you would give him the bigger room and that it is your partner pushing for the larger room to be a guest room which I think gives a great indication of where your son falls in her pecking order.
Others have already said, though (including but not just me) that they have a larger guest room and child in smaller room all the time, and that's a child of both of the partners in the house, not just one. Doesn't mean they don't care about their child!...much enquiry having been made concerning a gentleman, who had quitted a company where Johnson was, and no information being obtained; at last Johnson observed, that 'he did not care to speak ill of any man behind his back, but he believed the gentleman was an attorney'.0 -
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I've got a dilemma - my partner and I are buying our first house - a three bedroom home and have found the perfect one. I have a 5 year old son from a previous relationship who stays with us every other weekend, but I also see during weekdays at his mother's. The new home has three bedrooms, one master, one of the same 12x12 size, and one 9x7.
My partner feels strongly on having a guestroom - which would have to be the 12x12. It's my feeling that 9x7 is too small for a child, but in her defence he much prefers to play in the lounge than on his own.I think you need to ask yourself what would you do if your son was both of your child, would you give him the second best room then?
I get the impression (only because you've posted the thread) that you would give him the bigger room and that it is your partner pushing for the larger room to be a guest room which I think gives a great indication of where your son falls in her pecking order.
That's a massive leap to make on so little information!
As the child is only going to be there four nights a month, the small bedroom sounds fine. Many of us "survived" in rooms that size until we left the family home!
I would be much more concerned if the GF was okay with him having the big room but insisted that he kept all his toys there and didn't play in the lounge.0 -
I think there's a lot of 'massive leaping' going on.That's a massive leap to make on so little information!
The OP seemed willing to consider this suggestion by Arbroath lass:
and if his partner was so determined to put the child in the smallest room, I doubt that he'd even consider this as a viable option.This is true! He's had a double bed at my rented properties for the past few years - I hadn't thought of doing out the playroom in the third bedroom and not putting a bed in it, then giving him the double bed (we would be unlikely to have guests at the same time as him I imagine, but not completely impossible).
With no evidence from the OP, I'm not going to paint his partner as the evil stepmother some seem to think she is. 0
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