Have I right to ask the ex to meet the girlfriend

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
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  • GrumpygitGrumpygit Forumite
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    welshone1 wrote: »
    He doesn't want me meeting her just in case she finds out the truth about him but I don't care about that.

    Has he told you that is the reason or are you just guessing that's the reason?

    How long have they been going out?
  • welshone1 wrote: »
    My son is 7 and don't trust my ex at all we divorced because of his behaviour. I don't think it's wright that I would allow my son on holiday with someone that I don't know.

    In that case, I think you have every right to want to check out the girlfriend.

    If he was trustworthy and of good character then it might have been different as you might have been able to trust his choice of partner, but he isn't, so yes I think you should definitely check her out.
  • VikipollardVikipollard Forumite
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  • FBabyFBaby Forumite
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    Why would you be concerned unless you had reasons to believe that she was a danger to your child? What do you think she might do? He will be under the care of your ex, as he is every other weekend. I personally would find it quite offensive to be expected to meet the ex or my partner to what really comes down to earning her approval to be in the company of her child.

    Saying that, mums are anxious creatures and I can understand that it would make you feel better to know the person who will spend time with your son. It is not a right though, so it is all about how you approach it. There is a big difference with saying that he can't take his son without you meeting his girlfriend because you want to be sure that she is trustworthy, and saying that you feel a bit anxious at your son being away from you for 7 days and if she wouldn't mind, it would make things easier for you if you could meet her just so that she knows he will be in good hands.
  • welshone1welshone1 Forumite
    131 Posts
    Grumpygit wrote: »
    No, you're not being unreasonable - it's natural that you would want to meet the people who he will be away with.

    You obviously have issues with your ex due to how he was when you were married, but has he changed now? What don't you trust him on?

    How many times does he have him overnight and has your son met the girlfriend and what does he say about her?



    He had his son every other weekend Saturday to Sunday the girlfriend is there sometimes. My son says she nice , he not changed as far as I go and is very under hand. He been with her about 8 months but when he not got a girlfriend he don't want to know him
  • I don't understand what you will gain from insisting on meeting this lady. You're not going to find anything about what she's like from a half an hour meeting? Technically, you don't have a right. When your son is with his Dad it is up to him what goes on (as long as there's no abuse, neglect etc.) it's not up to you to interfere. Same as it's none of his business when your son is with you. It sounds like you are still trying to control your ex.
    I'm never offended by debate & opinions. As a wise man called Voltaire once said, "I disagree with what you say, but will defend until death your right to say it."
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  • FBaby wrote: »
    Why would you be concerned unless you had reasons to believe that she was a danger to your child? What do you think she might do? He will be under the care of your ex, as he is every other weekend. I personally would find it quite offensive to be expected to meet the ex or my partner to what really comes down to earning her approval to be in the company of her child.

    That's more or less what I was trying to say. You just word it a lot better.
    I'm never offended by debate & opinions. As a wise man called Voltaire once said, "I disagree with what you say, but will defend until death your right to say it."
    Mortgage is my only debt - Original mortgage - January 2008 = £88,400, March 2014 = £47,000 Chipping away slowly! Now saving to move.
  • ska_loverska_lover Forumite
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    welshone1 wrote: »
    My ex has my son every other weekend with his girlfriend he wants to take our son abroad with the girlfriend for a week. My son as never been away from me for more the 1 night every fortnight. I have asked to meet this girlfriend but my ex says I have no right. Foes anybody know where I stand with this request to am. Being unreasonable .

    I think you are completely right - there is no way I would send my son away without meeting her
    The opposite of what you know...is also true
  • edited 30 April 2014 at 8:50PM
    welshone1welshone1 Forumite
    131 Posts
    edited 30 April 2014 at 8:50PM
    Bluemeanie wrote: »
    I don't understand what you will gain from insisting on meeting this lady. You're not going to find anything about what she's like from a half an hour meeting? Technically, you don't have a right. When your son is with his Dad it is up to him what goes on (as long as there's no abuse, neglect etc.) it's not up to you to interfere. Same as it's none of his business when your son is with you. It sounds like you are still trying to control your ex.

    I take offence to you saying I'm trying to control my ex that is something I have never done he picks our little boy as and when he feels like it.
  • edited 30 April 2014 at 8:49PM
    marisco_2marisco_2 Forumite
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    edited 30 April 2014 at 8:49PM
    You cant insist on doing this. Essentially whilst a child is in the care of a parent it is for them to decide who they introduce them to. It is up to the adult to only allow contact between a child and new partner, if they deem them suitable and trustworthy, not putting a child at risk in the process. If your ex is doing this then you have no grounds to object. Perhaps his refusal to agree to your request, is due to him feeling you should trust his judgement as the child's dad.

    In any case even if you did meet with the new partner, whose to say that during that brief time you would then be in any better position, to ascertain if she was suitable to be around your son? In the ideal world where everybody got on it might be 'nice' just to smooth the way if the other parent did meet the new partner. That rarely happens though.
    The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own, no apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.
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