How to 'dump' a friend

woodformoretrees

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

When people dont want to be friends with someone, they tend to not return calls, say they are too busy, etc, etc and then the friend takes the hint and thats that.
You dont have to give someone a detailed sit down explanation saying that you dont feel you have that much in common.Its not a husband your divorcing its a casual friend. At the end of the day this friend might be relieved as she was wanting to dump you but was too polite to do so.

It's worth considering that she has the Sharpies and bar chart out for a safe dumping scenario........My guess is she'll be relieved that her perceived friendship duties are over without the need to venture in to a PowerPoint presentation.

IrishRose12

Have you ever considered that this person might be just lonely and would like/need to talk to someone??
I mean seriously, sending a Christmas card is less than 50p, It takes 2 seconds to write and 2 seconds to pop into a postbox.

As for meeting up, again, maybe this person has no other friends and is looking to talk to someone. Or maybe they consider you as a friend?
Although TBH if you even have to say about "dumping a friend" well that says a lot about you and consideration for others. If it were me I'd rather you told me you didn't like me and can't be annoyed with me than be rude and lie to me. Then I'd know I can find better and nicer friends/people. Being nice really costs nothing, and 15-20mins out of one whole year of your life really shouldn't kill you.
Send the girl my way, I'm a busy lady but sounds to me she is just lonely and would like someone to talk to, I'd rather make someone feel a bit happier about themselves by talking to them for 30mins than have someone alone and without friends.

FatVonD

I think you just need to keep making excuses, there's no need to have a conversation with her about why you're dumping her.

I was dumped by one of my friends. We were friends when our sons were at nursery, once they went to school I went back to work but she had another baby and didn't work.

She moved away and we would visit each other occasionally but one time she was coming down I forgot. She called a couple of days before to say that she had a hospital appointment and could I look after her son that day while she went. I 'fessed up that I'd forgotten she was coming but said it was no problem and I could still arrange to take the day off. I did and she didn't turn up. I called her several times and left messages saying I was worried about her diagnosis but she never returned my calls. Eventually one day I rang with my number withheld and she answered the phone. I asked how she was and didn't mention that I knew she was avoiding me.

Once I knew she was okay I never called again and didn't send a change of address/telephone number when I moved shortly afterwards.

Your friend will get the message, OP, and she'll get over it!

Big_Tree

Just ignore her, life's too short to waste any time on people that add nothing.

Ignore her and enjoy life.

maman

jaylee3 wrote: »

This ^^^ I genuinely cannot see any harm in meeting up for a coffee for an hour, a couple of times a year. Are people really that busy/uncaring that they can't be arsed to give about TWO HOURS a year to someone? What a sad world we live in that people have this attitude.



If however, you still feel you can't give an hour of your precious time twice a year, then don't bother contacting her. There is no way to tell her you can't be arsed with her, without hurting her feelings. If you don't respond, she will get bored: if you're lucky!

That was my attitude too and I think it still applies to OP's situation.


However I hadn't considered that some people (as Brighton Belle pointed out:)) do have just a couple of hours a week to themselves due to caring responsibilities so it's important not to generalise.

duchy

This is the second active thread about "How to dump a friend" on here at the moment.

To me it all sounds a bit precious and ego driven.

Most adults know friendships ebb and flow and over the years a close friend can end up more of an acquaintance and vice versa. I had "a best friend" in the playground- now I have friends of varying closeness -some need the regular meet ups to sustain the friendship others we could (and have) not seen each other for a couple of years but pick up exactly where we left off. Neither group needs a defining statement or a grading on the friendship....It just is what it is and is fluid not set in concrete. "I don't want to be your friend anymore" is more for five year olds or for people who have done you serious damage in some way surely ?

duchy

lazer wrote: »

If you ignore them, they will continue to send Christmas cards, and probably text occassionally etc.

Yes that would be truly terrible !!!

Some people really need to get over themselves-It's a friendship not a marriage -they aren't going to pine away and die if you don't text them back. They'll just text another friend who doesn't think a Christmas card or the odd text is such a terrible imposition and even if they did would rather be kind and just let things go gently instead of some self important statement that you don't think they are good enough in some way to be your friend. They may not miss you and your ego as much as you think !