How to 'dump' a friend

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Marriage, Relationships & Families
47 replies 5.9K views
AubreyMacAubreyMac Forumite
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I have a friend that I don’t really want to keep in touch with anymore.

Nothing bad has happened between us, but as time has gone on contact has been less. I think it’s natural to just move on and that’s just life. You meet people, be friends for a while and as life goes on some just fall by the wayside.

Also, I only know this friend via another person who passed away a few years ago. So it’s difficult keeping in touch when you only know them through someone else who’s now gone.

She sends me a xmas card each year and only last year I feel obliged to return the gesture. Lately she’s texted me suggesting we should meet up. I agreed to it as I felt a bit put on the spot but really I’m not bothered about keeping in touch. The difficulty is that I have no real reason to ‘dump’ her, it’s simply that I’ve just moved on.

With previous people in my life that I’ve felt like this with, I’ve just sort of distanced myself and eventually contact diminishes to nothing which was more of a natural transition anyway. But she doesn’t seem to be getting the hint.

What would you do in this case?
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Replies

  • woodformoretreeswoodformoretrees Forumite
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    Maybe put a bed sheet up on one of the bridges along her route to work, with a link to this post painted on it.
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  • lazerlazer Forumite
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    I thik just not responding is the wrong way to go about it, if she is anything like me, she will wonder why, wonder if she has done anything wrong etc, so i think you have to let her know.

    When she asks to meet up, just be reasonably honest, (maybe a bit of sugar coating), say you are busy, and don't really se the point in making time to meet up, as you don't really have much in common etc
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  • What I have done in the past is to combine niceness and honesty: I tell someone I really appreciate the suggestion to meet up but I have found that these days I have limited time to even see the people I am very close too and have had to learn, for my health and sanity, to say, with regret, no a lot more to invitations.
    I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once
  • AubreyMacAubreyMac Forumite
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    Thanks. I think the risk in making excuses is that she may not take the hint and will offer solutions to those excuses. I know there’s not going to be an easy way to break off with her and if I say something like ‘we don’t have much in common anymore’ that may come across as hurtful.
  • anotheruseranotheruser Forumite
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    Stop talking to them.
    Don't return the Christmas card or text.
    Just do not respond.

    Get yourself a new mobile number if you really want to be rid of them.

    I once told someone I didn't really want to be their friend as I had enough friends. I did apologise but it was a fairly new friendship anyway.
  • AubreyMacAubreyMac Forumite
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    A part of me feels guilty as she's not done anything wrong. Yet another part also feels two faced for agreeing to meet and return xmas card out of obligation.
  • sweetmesweetme Forumite
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    You need to be honest with her, be cruel to be kind. She thinks she has a friend she can meet up with and spend time with, you've no interest in being her friend, you have to let her know this. I know you've explained that you've just drifted away from the friendship but I feel a little sorry for your "friend".
  • mamanmaman Forumite
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    I'd just let it drift and maybe a meet up won't happen. Respond to the text saying something like 'good idea but I'm really busy at the moment'.


    I have to say it does seem odd that you are so busy that an occasional coffee and a Christmas card is too much to manage. It's not as if you've had a falling out over anything.


    Why is it so important to 'dump' her rather than just have her as a peripheral friend/acquaintance like most of us do?
  • maman wrote: »
    I'd just let it drift and maybe a meet up won't happen. Respond to the text saying something like 'good idea but I'm really busy at the moment'.


    I have to say it does seem odd that you are so busy that an occasional coffee and a Christmas card is too much to manage. It's not as if you've had a falling out over anything.
    Doesn't seem odd to me - spending a couple of hours with someone I have nothing in common with when I struggle to find the time to do the things I love is excruciating.
    How much better for both that the other person is freed to pursue deeper friendships she might get much more from.


    There is also the distinct possibility she is pursuing the 'friendship' out of duty and obligation to the deceased friend they had in common and neither of them really want it.
    I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once
  • Indie_KidIndie_Kid Forumite
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    Unless she's actually done something wrong, I'd find it rude to just ignore her.

    I think you should talk to her about this.
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