Entitlement, expectation and reality

thorsoak

peachyprice wrote: »

The parents could just say no rather than continue to enable their grown up spoilt brat.

My sentiments exactly ....but if I say it as bluntly as I'd like to, she will have one friend fewer ....ok, he has a well-paid job, he doesn't take drugs - so according to her, he is the ideal son and she will hear no wrong of him

I button my lip and plan what I will have to do when the sh*t hits the fan - and no, I won't be the one babysitting!

FBaby

I find it hard to find the balance between treating them sometimes because I can and not spoiling them, but not being mean either.

I totally agree with this, but I think in the end, it doesn't come down as much as how much we can afford things or not, but about our children understanding as early as possible the meaning of budgeting, the sacrifices that need to be made, the choices in terms of spending vs investing. That's why I was surprised when my kids said they were happy with what they got because they certainly get less than their friends whose family's income is much less than ours but I think it is because they appreciate that it is not just about what we spend our money on, but about the notion of earning what we get and the pride that comes with it.

Personally I don't get the hype of foreign holidays, I don't see how a kid will miss out by going on holiday in this country instead of abroad. In fact my favourite holidays have all been in the UK!

Just to comment on this, there seems to be a stereotyped attached to foreign holidays as something luxurious for either well off people or people pretending to be. We love foreign holidays but that's because we all have a real interest in discovering new environments. Our holidays are all about discovering new experiences and the kids love them. It's not just about going abroad, we love to discover the UK too, it's about going anywhere that is new, but the more exotic (as in different to home) the more exciting. My kids love everything about travelling and will continue to try to give them those life experiences that will also leave them with wonderful memories.

neverdespairgirl

Alikay wrote: »

Of course there were episodes where we were enlightened of "other people's parents" who bought their children cars, the latest contract mobile phones and expensive branded clothing but we rarely met these paragons of generosity any more than we met the "cool" and "trusting" parents who allowed their 15 year olds to go to festivals, nightclubs and share beds with boyfriends/girlfriends:rotfl:

My son's 8, so not quite into that category, but he does have some friends who apparently don't have the kind of mean parents who always make him do his reading for school as required.....

I've not met these enlightened parental types, though, I've only co-incidentally met the fellow-meanies who do insist on the reading being done and the times tables being learned......

newcook wrote: »

Sorry OP but I agree with the other that your children sound very ungrateful!

I remember wanting to go to boarding school when I was a child but I was reading books such as 'Mallory Towers' and 'The Twins at St Claires' and thought it sounded a rather spiffing place!

I went to a private girls' boarding school between the ages of 11 and 13, and absolutely loathed it. I happily left and went to a day school in London instead, near home, when I was 13, and much preferred it.

neverdespairgirl

I went to private girls' school aged 4 to 18, and we had a mixture of UK holidays and holidays abroad as a family - some seaside fortnights in Devon or Somerset, some holidays in France, Italy, Greece and Spain. My parents also helped massively by supporting me at university for both undergrad and post-grad degrees.

I don't think my parents owe me anything, and it didn't give me some massive sense of entitlement. It wouldn't ever occur to me for a moment to ask my parents for money, as I'm all grown up and capable of (and actually doing) my own life and earning my own living.

My 8 year old son is at a private primary school in London, and it's a great school for him, he enjoys it and the education's great, well-suited to him.

He's had a mixture of holidays in the UK (Cornwall and south Wales) and abroad (Madeira, Rome, and ski-ing) and short trips to places like Bath, and stays at my parents' home in Kent. He also goes at least once a year to Israel, so that he keeps his Hebrew language skills going and gets to spend time with his extended family.

That doesn't mean he's going to have large sums chucked at him for the rest of his life!

Anatidaephobia

We travelled a lot when I was a child and had frequent holidays all over the world. My parents were not well off but one of their jobs involved travel and we all kinda just tagged along and effectively got subsidised holidays out of it. But I do remember being very aware of the fact that other kids did not have this and I felt lucky and excited every time we visited somewhere new. The travelling became less and less as I got older but that feeling of being fortunate never went away. I always felt that I'd been lucky in childhood and glad to have had those opportunities. I don't remember anything in particular happening to trigger this reaction so I don't know if I just felt like this because I knew others hadn't had the same holidays as us or if it was a result of good parenting.

Mr_Toad

desert_rose wrote: »

Following on from another thread that talks about how people have been helped or not with wedding deposits, house deposits, homework when children and I'm reminded of my own grown up kids telling me that they feel they missed out when younger because they didn't have a private education and we didn't have foreign holidays either.

Must admit its left me feeling as if I didn't do the best job as a parent all those years ago, but as the title of the thread says, how much is it all to do with a sense of entitlement, the expectation that you should provide beyond your own personal capabilities and the reality that, way back in the 80's and 90's, the world was a different place .

As young parents then, our expectations were different, I had no sense of entitlement at all and my reality was to get through the month without going into overdraft!

Love to hear what you all think!

Aren't children odd!

I had a privileged childhood, both my parents travelled abroad as children with my respective grandparents in the late 1920's and 30s and so did I in the late 50s and 60s.

Both my children have a private education and university and yet my son lives an almost hand to mouth existence running his own small IT business. He could earn more but he says he doesn't need to. :cool:

Do I think his expensive education is wasted because he isn't earning a six figure salary? No I don't.

I see him several times a week and he is happier than a spaniel with a stick! He doesn't care about 'stuff' he has a home, food, a lovely wife and has given me the most beautiful granddaughter anyone could wish for.

I believe that the secret to a happy life is contentment and my family are all happy and content. Money can't buy this it's a state of mind and we seem to have given both our children that sense of contentment.

I am very proud of the way my children have turned out.

I chose to give up a really good, well paid, job last year, just before my 56th birthday and take early retirement. Like my son I'm very happy as I have enough pension/money.

I suspect the OPs children have met, possibly via work, confident people who had a private education and all the other advantages who are climbing the promotion, or even the social ladder faster than they.

Perhaps they feel these people are being handed life on a plate and have decided this is due to their education and that it's their parents fault for not giving them the same 'advantages'.

Priceless.