Entitlement, expectation and reality

desert_rose

Following on from another thread that talks about how people have been helped or not with wedding deposits, house deposits, homework when children and I'm reminded of my own grown up kids telling me that they feel they missed out when younger because they didn't have a private education and we didn't have foreign holidays either.

Must admit its left me feeling as if I didn't do the best job as a parent all those years ago, but as the title of the thread says, how much is it all to do with a sense of entitlement, the expectation that you should provide beyond your own personal capabilities and the reality that, way back in the 80's and 90's, the world was a different place .

As young parents then, our expectations were different, I had no sense of entitlement at all and my reality was to get through the month without going into overdraft!

Love to hear what you all think!

hazyjo

I don't think holidays as a materialistic thing - I enjoy them (and miss them as can't afford them at mo!). I was lucky enough to have a few family holidays (probably only four) when I was a child/teenager. I am very grateful for them - and I know you can't really miss something you never had, but I think I might have done a bit! It was rare family time we had together. I have many fond memories.

Maybe your kids were saying they wish they had happy holidays with their family to look back on. Did you go away in this country? If so, then yes it's a rather unfair comment.

As for private education - they really said that?! Unless they're mixing with a bunch of snooty nosed bods up their own ar**s and they feel inferior about where they've come from (probably actually their own hang-ups than anyone else's), then I really don't see how that could be an issue. Never heard anyone say anything like that before.

Did they say those things as adults, or when they were very young?

Jx

moomoomama27

I can't afford to take my children away on foreign holidays, but I do make sure I organise at least 6 memorable day trips/weekends away each year! I'm lucky I live less than a five minute walk from a wonderful beach, so in the summer it's like being away!!

I think there us a lot of entitled expectations from children now, they think they are entitled to the latest fashion whenever they want it, expensive shoes and products, laptops, phones etc!!

Working in a school a lot of children just sound ungrateful and bratty to me!

desert_rose

as adults Hazyjo

Alikay

I think your children are being a bit unfair, OP. Mine didn't get private education either, along with plenty of others with similar backgrounds (not very well up on current class structure, but I'd guess we'd be considered lower-middle). We had a few holidays abroad as they got older, but the usual cottage or caravan by the sea most of the time, or camping, and they all have very happy memories of those trips.

Of course there were episodes where we were enlightened of "other people's parents" who bought their children cars, the latest contract mobile phones and expensive branded clothing but we rarely met these paragons of generosity any more than we met the "cool" and "trusting" parents who allowed their 15 year olds to go to festivals, nightclubs and share beds with boyfriends/girlfriends:rotfl:

ska_lover

It's a shame your grown up children have said that to you Hazy Jo.

We all do our best, with what we have got and to be honest, if my grown up lad came out with that, I would be tempted to clip him around the ear hole as is a bit ungrateful in the face of everything you did and willingly sacrificed for your kids

As kids, we never had a family holiday in the UK or abroad. We never felt as if we had missed out, we made our own fun, and had a wonderful childhood.

I am in my late thirties now, with a grown up son of my own - when he was little I could never afford foreign holidays, but we did have weekends away at Butlins type places, where we had a lot of fun. I am not sure if he resents the fact we didn't have holidays abroad, but if he does, quite frankly, tough. I dislike the sense of entitlement some people have - whatever age they are

I do not know anyone who went to private school, but definately do not feel as if I have missed out by not attending one, I feel as if my feet are firmly planted on the ground with a good work ethic and if you want something you go get it, kind of train of thought.

Don't let those things they said get you down, I would however point out to them how ungrateful it sounds (if it were me - i would be rather hurt)

balletshoes

I'm a firm believer that you shouldn't raise your children's expectations if you're not sure you can follow through with your promises. I think that kind of behaviour can damage a child's confidence and trust in their parents far more than not having luxury holidays or a private education (because the money isn't there to fund it).

BitterAndTwisted

Oh woe is me! I didn't have a private education. In fact, I didn't know anyone who had until I started working. We never had a foreign holiday as a family and didn't expected one either. Our parents didn't even have a phone-line or buy a car until I was in my teens when lots of friends and neighbours did have those things.

If my parents weren't both dead I'd write them a letter telling them how terribly deprived we all were. Care, devotion and love obviously count for absolutely nothing.

OP: if your kids are aggrieved at the lack of those things you mentioned I'd be telling them how aggrieved you are at their total lack of ruddy gratitude. And their appalling manners

Prothet_of_Doom

As a young adult I held it against my sister that she had been on 2 school ski trips but I had only been on one.

The reason for this is that my dad was made redundant, and she's 2 years older than me, so there was no money in the pot for that.

Once I had kids, I understood, how difficult it is to give your kids what you, let alone waht they, think is deserved/needed.

BakerBoy

I think you should tell them that education never ends, and if they want a private education they can go and fund it themselves!

CH27

desert_rose wrote: »

Following on from another thread that talks about how people have been helped or not with wedding deposits, house deposits, homework when children and I'm reminded of my own grown up kids telling me that they feel they missed out when younger because they didn't have a private education and we didn't have foreign holidays either.

Must admit its left me feeling as if I didn't do the best job as a parent all those years ago, but as the title of the thread says, how much is it all to do with a sense of entitlement, the expectation that you should provide beyond your own personal capabilities and the reality that, way back in the 80's and 90's, the world was a different place .

As young parents then, our expectations were different, I had no sense of entitlement at all and my reality was to get through the month without going into overdraft!

Love to hear what you all think!

They are cruel & ungrateful.
How dare they say that to do when you did your best for them.