Dream house, but then there's the neighbour

Fraise

I still say if this house is your dream home, then buy it if you can. As I said before, this woman may be a different character outside of school. In fact, she could be a bit of a mouse at home, and that's why she's such a bully at work. You often hear of men who are bossy and rude at work, but that's due to them taking their frustration out at being henpecked by their wives. It happens a lot.

Please don't attach so much importance to this woman. She has no more rights or powers over you than anyone else in the street. She's just a neighbour like the rest.

moneyistooshorttomention

Whilst viewing the house I recently bought I could see that the nearest neighbour was going to be someone who would make sure that they knew what was what and would try to influence things their way.

I figured out that they would be likely to be quiet (my main criteria for a neighbour) and went ahead and bought the house anyway.

I try to stay on reasonable polite/do little favours type terms, but am remaining quite clear what percentage of the "people in this bit" my house constitutes and that that means that is the "share of the say as to what happens" that I have around here. I am also doing whatever work I decided/decide to to my house and garden. If it gets disapproved of, then I put it through my "Reasonable Person Filter" and if a Reasonable Person would accept that it is on my territory and is a reasonable piece of work to expect to do to my house/garden then I do it.

Having said that, an extension to a neighbours house is something many Reasonable People (including me) would object to. I would say, in that case, that I am wondering why someone would describe a house as their perfect house in one breath and then say that it needs an extension in the next breath??? In my book, a criteria for the Perfect House is its the correct size for me to start with and therefore I wouldn't even want an extension.

I would say that, in your circumstances, even someone confident of being able to be firm-minded if need be, would be best off to look for another house (ie one they felt was big enough in the first place).

MidLifeCrisis_3

It's our dream house because it's individual, in a nice area, affordable to us in it's existing state and has potential. Both sides have already extended in the last couple of years, so precedent seems to be set.

If we do buy it, I'm hoping we can start afresh and be on good terms as we have always been with previous neighbours eg in saying good morning, how are you and being reasonable about fences, noise, etc. Never been into having coffee mornings or inviting neighbours round for wild parties. Although OH reckons they could be swingers due to the pampass grass in her front garden

Davesnave

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

....an extension to a neighbours house is something many Reasonable People (including me) would object to.

Every time, simply as a matter of principle, or only on practical and aesthetic grounds?

Surely it's not as straightforward as that?

I've been granted PP three times in the last 4 years. No one objected. Does that make me an 'unreasonable person?'

DavidF

As already mentioned. Go and see her. I would go to her door armed with flowers/chocs or whatever. Say you are looking at buying next door and you hope that your one and only previous "incident" at school can be forgotten about and you can live next to each other like responsible adults....chocs/flowers to show no hard feelings.

xylophone

Of course the Head might not be too happy about having a parent as a neighbour......

I was acquainted with a teacher who was delighted to be offered a local authority flat within easy reach of the school - she accepted, moved in and soon found that she was also within easy reach of her pupils' parents ("and how did Joanna do in the tests Miss Brown........oh Miss Brown, could I have a word about John's maths.....") and within permanent sight of the pupils ("I saw Miss Brown's new boyfriend at the weekend....").

Within a couple of months she went to lodge with another teacher at the school who lived miles away .......

SuzieSue

xylophone wrote: »

Of course the Head might not be too happy about having a parent as a neighbour......

..

As mentioned previously, if the Head has decided to live within the catchment area of her school, she can't expect not to have her pupils living near her and even next door to her.


I know some school teachers who all ensure that they live away from the catchment areas of their schools for that very reason.

Limpie

Oh sweetie don't ask what we would do, 'Coz you can see we won't stop posting comments and will make you go all crazy lol.
So before your head starts spinning just do a coin toss. :P I genuinely believe in it, yeah!

brenda10

MidLifeCrisis wrote: »

Thanks, this is how I feel and that hopefully the 2 relationships can be separated. If we are successful in buying I think we need to work out the best way to show we're willing to form a neighbourly relationship. I mostly feel embarrassed that I was seen as a weak target and instead of standing up for myself properly I became really upset. I think she realised she hadn't handled things well once it was too late and the damage was already done. OH would stand up to her anyway and lots of people say her husband is great so I would hope she must be different out of work.

She is a bully, once a bully always a bully.
Ignore her if she lives near you, you are under no obligation to look near her. Put your nose in the air and IGNORE.
Keep your chin up, you are a good person, she is a BULLY.

makeyourdaddyproud

nzseries1 wrote: »

Yes agreed. When I bought a house I was always worried about what the neighbours would be like, because neighbour problems were always my biggest worry when renting and when you've bought you can't escape it. In this case you know it's going to be bad, so why put yourself through it.

If you love the house then why not buy it? Any nastiness or grief would be of concern to her as much as it would you. It might even help to break the ice by forced confrontation with a better outcome all round?


She has a responsibility to be a decent citizen outside the school as much as in - and I am sure she would want to avoid any negative vibes to permeate the social fabric of the area in which you both reside.



Go for it!