Dream house, but then there's the neighbour

silvercar

My friend moved next to a scary head teacher. She was sweetness and light as a neighbour but a bully as a head.

Errata

You don't need to form a neighbourly relationship (whatever that means), you don't need to form any relationship. Get on with your life and what you want instead of planning it around other people.

Snakey

I wouldn't move in next door to someone I didn't like. It's got nothing to do with the risk of that person causing me an actual, tangible problem and whether I'd be able to deal with it effectively if they did. I just wouldn't want to live near them.

It sounds like your main issue is going to be anxiety that she might, at any moment and with or without provocation, start a feud. Is that worry likely to go away after x amount of time if it hasn't happened? Or will you always be thinking well that only means it hasn't happened yet?

Davesnave

She's a headmistress not the head of the local drug cartel, so her behaviour will have to fall within the bounds of acceptability. She won't be able to play Motorhead at ear splitting volume in the garden, for example.

Any objections she might make about your future building plans would also carry no more weight than anyone else's. They will be decided on planning grounds.

Having said that, whether you'd be happy next door is all about your own strength of character and experience. If it were me I'd probably not be bothered too much, but then I've had to deal with one or two awkward Heads myself! :rotfl:

makeitstop

Deleted_User wrote: »

You asked for advice, here's mine I feel you would be making a big mistake, you already have issues with this woman before you potentially move next door. Even though people say her husband is nice he will always stick up for her in any disagreement, you could have problems with potential planning from her if you wanted to do any work.
Let's face it there are lots of different ways nasty neighbours can make your life hard, is it worth the risk to yours and your family's happiness?

But to be fair, and maybe a little more realistic, her 'issues' with this 'monster headmistress' is that she was spoken to a bit abruptly on one occasion, and, that she otherwise has a rep as a bit of a bully.

I think we need to get things into perspective here, in that people in positions of power / control / whatever you wish to call it, are far more likely to throw their weight around when they are in the comfort zone of where they hold that power. Besides, this was one episode wasn't it, and even then, many other people would have let it wash over them and carried on as if nothing had happened. It's a matter of perspective in some ways.

As for the husband, yes, he's likely to stick up for his wife if there were any disagreements, but, if he is a good guy, then he's also 'likely' to suggest she was out of order (if she does get that way). Perhaps he is not aware of her reputation at school / work. Who knows. There are so many possibilities to it.

Finally, planning is decided by planning officers, not neighbours. Even though they can make a noise, and, create all sorts of reasons as to why a certain development should not go ahead, it does not mean for one moment that they will get their say over yours. Development permission is being relaxed if anything, and what is reasonable and doable is likely to be passed.

If you want the house, buy the house. You do not have to let 'potential' future issues or disputes rule your bloody life.

For all you know, you could buy another property, and end up having an absolute nightmare with neighbours you initially thought were great.

makeitstop

Davesnave wrote: »

She's a headmistress not the head of the local drug cartel, so her behaviour will have to fall within the bounds of acceptability. She won't be able to play Motorhead at ear splitting volume in the garden, for example.

Any objections she might make about your future building plans would also carry no more weight than anyone else's. They will be decided on planning grounds.

Having said that, whether you'd be happy next door is all about your own strength of character and experience. If it were me I'd probably not be bothered too much, but then I've had to deal with one or two awkward Heads myself! :rotfl:

What he says....

Didn't read this before writing my post above. It's bang on.

ConfusedofYorkshire

I'd echo some of the thoughts above that how she is at work may be totally different at home.
All the neighbours I've had have either been on friendly terms or have kept themselves to themselves. If you simply don't get on with each other I doubt she'd go out of her way to make your life miserable. I could be wrong, but as a head teacher it would so her a lot of damage if she started heckling her neighbours.

PasturesNew

Here's a crazy thought .... if you've the b4lls.

Phone her up and ask to see her .... then say to her "I'm thinking of looking at next door to you - what's the area like?" .... and see if she's a b1tch from hell or sweetness and light .......

Takes more b4lls than I'd have though.

silverwhistle

makeitstop wrote: »

But to be fair, and maybe a little more realistic, her 'issues' with this 'monster headmistress' is that she was spoken to a bit abruptly on one occasion, and, that she otherwise has a rep as a bit of a bully.

I think we need to get things into perspective here, <SNIP>

My view too, and that's speaking as someone with part-time teaching experience in FE where I've observed some robust and brusque characters who haven't quite realised how their behaviour was being experienced by some of the more sensitive souls.. Particularly, I might add, at certain times of the academic year when _everybody_ was a bit stressed!

I suspect she'll be different as a neighbour. If she starts off saying things like "I hope you're quiet" just laugh and say "well, I'm thinking of taking up the bagpipes"...

duchy

I think I'd be contacting her and asking what the road is like.
Mind you she may be dismayed to have YOU as a neighbour as most teachers like to draw a line between home and work as much as the rest of us. Her reaction to you asking what the road is like to live in should give you some insight into how she's likely to be . One incident of you catching her at a bad time and she was a bit brusque doesn't mean she'd be a bad neighbour.

I had a friend who was a head mistress her work "persona" was somewhat different to her home one.