Does your DH over promise and under deliver?

balletshoes

Counting_Pennies wrote: »

Honestly I haven't a clue. I think he would probably be promising the education then changing his mind at the last minute which is what he is doing now

I think he is seeing years ahead of him needing to pay for the education and suddenly realising he doesn't want that money being spent

and yet he's still taking the kids around the schools? he wouldn't really withdraw the private education, would he, if the funds are there, and the projected funds are there, for the remainder of their formal education?

balletshoes

Counting_Pennies wrote: »

This is the wake up moment. I guess I am venting now and yes I need to have a long hard think

do you think your OH would be amenable to you having more of a hold on the purse strings than you do now?

HPoirot

Counting_Pennies wrote: »

Only now is he changing the story. He pulls the purse strings. Pumps up his chest says what we can do then says no when the dreams are in place

He is coming across as a bit of a manipulative cheapskate tbh. I would suggest you take back some control, either get some control of the finances or go out and earn your own money.

mountainofdebt

Just a wild thought here but are you sure the businesses are doing as well as he says they are?

Or is it a case that the bank balances are increasing year on year and he just likes seeing the figures increase?

Gloomendoom

Judi wrote: »

The only thing he under delivers on is holidays but to be honest, I'm not that fussed about going away.

I'm relieved to say that it would be hard for me to under deliver on holidays. Like most things, we plan them together.

Tiddlywinks

Gloomendoom wrote: »

I'm relieved to say that it would be hard for me to under deliver on holidays. Like most things, we plan them together.

That's the way it should be - both of you working together as a partnership.

I never 'get' how anyone could do it differently and still feel like equals.

Georgiegirl256

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

That's the way it should be - both of you working together as a partnership.

I never 'get' how anyone could do it differently and still feel like equals.

Yeah I don't get that either? Aren't holidays usually something's that are discussed together? They are in our household anyhow.

OP, why don't you have more of a control regarding the purse strings? Your husband does sound like he likes controlling you.

Gloomendoom

Judi wrote: »

Sorry, you misunderstand I should have explained properly. Being self employed we tend to take holidays when he's in between contracts and short of work. We were going away over Easter then surgery was found to be needed so he's now working right up until he has to have time off.

Where we go is never an issue.

Ah, that I can empathise with.

duchy

If the family income is from the family business which you are both working in - surely you know about the finances and what is and isn't possible ?

I think in your shoes I would be number crunching to see what really is and isn't affordable. I'd then be discussing how to reach both goals- eg the house work (if really essential) might be done in stages.
On the other hand if the wherewithall to pay school fees was there (far more a priority in my mind than a bit of remodeling) and he tried backing out of that I'd probably be considering leaving him. A caravan rather than a hotel years ago is insignificant- investment in your home and your children's education isn't.

Although I must say he does sound a bit of a fantasist -but you've known that for years and let him get away with it so his "ideas" have simply got bigger, Mind you I wouldn't marry a man who thought he "allowed" me to do things or not-Marriage is a partnership. He's your husband not your Dad !!

Spendless

balletshoes wrote: »

and yet he's still taking the kids around the schools? he wouldn't really withdraw the private education, would he, if the funds are there, and the projected funds are there, for the remainder of their formal education?

This would concern me too. You are talking what 9-10 years of private school fees, some of these double fees, depending on the age gap between your children?

I live where there are 17 state Secondary schools. There's a handful I'd want mine attending. I know that you stand the most chance of getting in a sought after state secondary when you apply for yr7. After that the most popular schools are full, they're oversubscribed with long waiting lists and your chances of getting a child in for a subsequent year are slim. The spaces are in the schools parents didn't apply to for a reason.

The family finances need to be transparent to you and you need more say and control over them. You need to know how much school fees are going to be, if you've got enough income or savings to contemplate it in the first place and to know that paying future fees is going to be feasible.

Given his track record, I wouldn't be relying on the say so of your OH that we will be doing this, only to find out when it's too late that it was another pipe dream.