Trials of living in a block of flats

AliceBanned

riotprincess wrote: »

If the councelling helps there may be a local charitable organisation who can offer more sessions on a donation basis...you could try the mind website to see
Otherwise I'd go back to your gp and as for a referal to your nhs psychology/psychotherapy service as many many trusts now offer councilling through a primary care mental health service that provides things like anxity management and short term CBT.

As for the neighbour if you can get a freind to support you and help you stay calm when talking to them you may find that it helps. I have to say (as a nurse myself) it sounds like they work shifts so there's little they will be able to do about the hours they get up.

Yes the counselling is very good and helpful. I have three more sessions I think but I will ask the counsellor whether this is definite next time I go, and what my options are.

AliceBanned

pinkshoes wrote: »

My next door neighbour (1970s semi) had no idea how noisy his tv was until I asked politely if he'd be able to turn it down a little.

You can't really accuse them of being noisy neighbours until you actualy let them know they are being loud! They might be nice people that you get on with, so just go round with a welcoming bottle of wine, introduce yourself, and ask them to let you know if any of your noise ever bothers them as the ceiling is very thin so you can here everything.

They might then twig that you can hear them.

True. I am in a better frame of mind now so will see how it goes. It would be better if I go with a view to saying hello and just mentioning the soundproofing issue in a friendly way.

AliceBanned

ari11 wrote: »

Hi Alice, you have received a lot of good advice in the comments for approaching the neighbours about the noise. But from your initial thread it sounds like (a) this is not the main problem, and (b) it may be difficult for you to speak to them.

I would try and work on you first, so you are in a better place.
1. I am noise sensitive as well and bought some very good inexpensive wax earplugs from Amazon which I wear to sleep. I wear both the earplugs as well as noise blocking earphones in the office at work.

2. Medication can bring its own problems but has your doctor prescribed anything for you to sleep? I don't recommend taking every night, but a sleeping pill or anti-anxiety pill often knocks me out for the night. This may be good once or twice a week to ensure you get a full 8 hours sleep.

3. Is counselling working for you? Have you explored whether there are telephone lines you can call when things become a bit too much for you? Also are you on Anti-depressants?

I think once you separate out your issues, and work on you first, it will be less overwhelming. ANd then you'll be able to tackle the flat issues.

Thanks you are right. The issues are largely with me and the noise is getting blown out of proportion.

I am on medication to help everything including settle my sleep (help me get REM sleep) and it works but I had run out last weekend, and the pharmacy couldn't rush through my repeat prescription without me going in there and putting it in writing. As I was in such a state I decided to wait four days and go without. Never again..it really isn't nice if I haven't had it for a few days, though it is only a very low dose.

ruben93watson

When your privacy is at stake, don't delay things. Forget about dropping a letter or so, get up and speak to them that things are disturbing and you just can't take it any more.

slenderkitten

like others say first thing to do is to speak to them, i would go round with a friend for moral support you may wish to make out that someone else stays with you sometimes just to let them know that you are not alone.

I have had severe sleep deprivation for years with started with really bad neighbours, almost killed myself over it.

It's best to do something than nothing. i hope this helps.

TBagpuss

AliceBanned wrote: »

I'm not feeling balanced at all. Am just going to play loud music to drown out their stupid machine. I've been so considerate and it just isn't appreciated so I'll show them what a bad neighbour is like.

I wouldn't do this.

While you have explained to us why you haven't spoken to them, you have not spoken to or contacted them at all, they probably have no idea that they are disturbing you.

if you don't feel up to speaking to them face to face, would it be possible to put a polite note through their door?

Saying something like "I'm sure it isn't intentional, but unfortunately your routines do make noise in my flat which have been disturbing my sleep. In particualr
:- Loud footsteps at 6.30 a.m.
- washing machine running after 11 p.m. / before 8 a.m,.
- music / loud voices at 1.30 a.m.

Would it be possible for you wear slippers / put down rugs to reduce the noise. and to consider not using the washing machine in the early morning?

Many thanks,"

If you haven't done so already, getting a free white noise app ('Simply noise,. or similar) might be helpful to you, particularly for the noise which is waking you.

Another option might be to look at whether there is anything which you can do in terms of reducing the impact on you - for instance, I found moving my bed so the head was against an internal wall rather than the party wall made a significant difference to how much noise from my neighbour's washing machine I could hear. You could also look into sound proofing your ceiling, as well - even if you need a bit of time to save up for that, getting it costed and having an end in sight might make it easier to bear in the mean time.

duchy

I do wonder why people who are noise intolerant move into flats .
I grew up in a house ....moved into flats when I left home and to me *some* noise was just a part of flat living (both needing to make the effort to keep my noise down as well as tolerating everyday domestic noise).

Adults walking around a flat - versus children jumping up and down are very different situations-and if life is stressful in other ways noise that you'd normally tolerate can grate terribly. I do wonder if the OP is making her blissfully unaware neighbours her focus of ALL the stress in her life .

Retaliating with more noise (especially if they don't know why) isn't going to help whereas speaking to them may. Turning it into a war is crazy !

PasturesNew

duchy wrote: »

I do wonder why people who are noise intolerant move into flats .

Because they are the cheapest housing and it's not always a choice. We'd all like to live in 1-bed detached pods, but it's not an option.

beecher2

duchy wrote: »

I do wonder why people who are noise intolerant move into flats .

What an odd post. As PN says, not everyone can afford a house, and in many urban areas flats make up the majority of the housing stock. Also, it is living in flats which can make many people noise intolerant - noise didn't ever bother me until a drug addict moved into the flat above me and it made my life miserable. I dont' think people understand the impact unless they've dealt with it themselves.

AliceBanned

duchy wrote: »

I do wonder why people who are noise intolerant move into flats .
I grew up in a house ....moved into flats when I left home and to me *some* noise was just a part of flat living (both needing to make the effort to keep my noise down as well as tolerating everyday domestic noise).

Adults walking around a flat - versus children jumping up and down are very different situations-and if life is stressful in other ways noise that you'd normally tolerate can grate terribly. I do wonder if the OP is making her blissfully unaware neighbours her focus of ALL the stress in her life .

Retaliating with more noise (especially if they don't know why) isn't going to help whereas speaking to them may. Turning it into a war is crazy !

I haven't turned it into a war. It's fine now - I hear it but zone it out.

I wonder why heavy footed people move into flats and stomp around in an inconsiderate way, and put on their washing machines late at night, but I tolerate..and zone out. I've got used to it but they were new and it took time. Also had a night shift worker living there before them and spent the first two nights (his nights off when he pottered around and played loud films) getting no sleep at all. So I'm hardly intolerant.