Trials of living in a block of flats

riotprincess

If the councelling helps there may be a local charitable organisation who can offer more sessions on a donation basis...you could try the mind website to see
Otherwise I'd go back to your gp and as for a referal to your nhs psychology/psychotherapy service as many many trusts now offer councilling through a primary care mental health service that provides things like anxity management and short term CBT.

As for the neighbour if you can get a freind to support you and help you stay calm when talking to them you may find that it helps. I have to say (as a nurse myself) it sounds like they work shifts so there's little they will be able to do about the hours they get up.

19lottie82

burnoutbabe wrote: »

Could you not drop a note through their door asking politely to try and avoid washing machine noise between say 10pm and 7am as it carries?

Who is the managing agents? we have a residents association for our block of flats, with 3 owners as directors, who meet regualrly with the managing agents and we'd send a polite letter to the flat if someone complained to us (though we'd point out the washing machine during the day was fine, but maybe the owner could check it was installed okay?)

I don't think notes are the way to go in this situation. A face to face friendly chat is a lot less likely to get anyone's back up.

burnoutbabe

well yes, but the OP said they could not stand confrontation or face to face contact.

A note dropped in (when they are out) with your details and asking to call round to discuss when they are in may help. Better than not doing anything bar stewing about it.

pinkshoes

My next door neighbour (1970s semi) had no idea how noisy his tv was until I asked politely if he'd be able to turn it down a little.

You can't really accuse them of being noisy neighbours until you actualy let them know they are being loud! They might be nice people that you get on with, so just go round with a welcoming bottle of wine, introduce yourself, and ask them to let you know if any of your noise ever bothers them as the ceiling is very thin so you can here everything.

They might then twig that you can hear them.

Morglin

AliceBanned wrote: »

Yes I have and usually get on ok with them. I haven't needed them for a while. Just past few days have had insomnia and it may be partly knowing that I will be woken (and more importantly irritated by them) early.

I chose to live away from road noise etc as i think I am a light sleeper and I love the peace and quiet, so don't see why i should have to wear ear plugs every night, but some friends wear them as they say in flats you hear neighbours and there's no avoiding it.

I guess I'm frustrated - living in the south east it is hard to get any real quality of life and I'm sick of it. :cool:

But i suspect that the problem is not only on the outside and maybe at the mo I'd not be happy anywhere and I'm just very unsettled.

I had two weeks off work recently and although it wasn't perfect I had forgotten what stress and irritation was like, and how much of it builds up from the office.

I just get into spirals where I feel helpless to change things.

I will start using earplugs tonight as at least if I sleep it will help me to think clearly and stop resenting everything as much. I am going for a drink with a friend tonight and am too tired to go but I think it may be better to get out for a while instead of sitting here listening to the washing machine upstairs (on again now - that's four washloads in 12 hrs for two people)

Nothing you moaned about strikes me as unreasonable of the neighbours!

There's only two of us and I use our machine a lot, as we like to be clean and shiny at all times, and I wouldn't bother about what the neighbours thought lol :doh:

I know the frustrations of insomnia, as I have it, but it's not the fault of the neighbours, and you would perhaps be better trying to sort out your work stress and calm down a bit.

I think perhaps you need help with your stress, as I, and most others, manage to have a wonderful quality of life, in the South, or perhaps you are homesick(?).

Flat dwelling, as with terraced dwelling, does mean that you do hear others, as they hear you, but providing it's "normal" noise, it needn't be a problem. The only way of avoiding all noise would be to buy a house in a field, I would think.

Lin

ari11

AliceBanned wrote: »

I have a condition which affects my sleep anyway, and it is the last thing I need. I can't bring myself to speak to them. I have tried via the housiing assoc (mine is shared ownership) to contact the leaseholder in the past but they would not give me details.

... I am unhappy and stressed. i find work is stressing me a lot and I feel like I'm on the edge, as this thudding is like the final straw...

Financially it is very difficult too...

Basically last night I was thinking if I can't change things there is not much point carrying on, as I've tried and tried.

I am having counselling via my GP for a few weeks, and she thinks I need to continue but obviously I won't have the money to do it privately.

Even writing this makes me cry, I just feel in a total mess and so unhappy and nowhere to turn. It isn't just about the neighbours but it is just too much and I don't see why I shoudl cope with them thudding a lot on the floor when they can learn to walk properly and be more considerate as neighbours. Also it being a couple in a one bed flat means I have double the noise. I feel like I'm having a breakdown as I have very limited tolerance for anything anymore.:(

Hi Alice, you have received a lot of good advice in the comments for approaching the neighbours about the noise. But from your initial thread it sounds like (a) this is not the main problem, and (b) it may be difficult for you to speak to them.

I would try and work on you first, so you are in a better place.
1. I am noise sensitive as well and bought some very good inexpensive wax earplugs from Amazon which I wear to sleep. I wear both the earplugs as well as noise blocking earphones in the office at work.

2. Medication can bring its own problems but has your doctor prescribed anything for you to sleep? I don't recommend taking every night, but a sleeping pill or anti-anxiety pill often knocks me out for the night. This may be good once or twice a week to ensure you get a full 8 hours sleep.

3. Is counselling working for you? Have you explored whether there are telephone lines you can call when things become a bit too much for you? Also are you on Anti-depressants?

I think once you separate out your issues, and work on you first, it will be less overwhelming. ANd then you'll be able to tackle the flat issues.

AliceBanned

I'm very touched by so many kind and thoughtful responses.

To be honest I had some PMT which gets very bad, when I posted originally, but I don't always know until I accept it and let myself relax a bit. I decided to avoid this thread in case I got a horrible response, which I probably deserved for my last comment about being noisy to show them a lesson; I knew I would just get so stressed and low if anyone had written that I was just an idiot or anything like that. I was feeling very vulnerable.

As it happens I played some delta blues quite loud for a couple of hours, just to give myself my living room back. I know it's not the solution and don't like being a bad neighbour, but at least maybe they now realise how thin the ceiling/floor between us is. I just lost control a bit when I posted originally and now I'm more on track.

There are other issues and it is not just the neighbours, but they do walk much more heavily than they need to I think (I never heard footsteps from previous neighbour, and these ones do sound like a herd of elephants, just like they are stomping all the time), and it is quite annoying but as many of you have said, there could be far worse neighbours. They have their washing machine on outside of the hours allowed on the lease, but it has never woken me up or stopped me getting to sleep as it hasn't been as late as that. They just had it on 4x in a row at the time of my OP.

I have only once been woken by them in the early hours - about 1.30 am; it is usually 7am which is a bit early at weekends. If I do get round to speaking them and pluck up the courage it may be just to let them know i am being woken at weekends and I only work Mon-Fri (they don't seem to) and ask them to try and not walk so heavily and slam doors at that time.

As many of you have said it was all getting exaggerated due to my state of mind. I actually gave up caffeine for a few days as I felt together with my hormones it was all too much, and I did actually begin to calm down. I get quite distressed with it, and very low. Thanks to people who have suggested help re mental health as this is an issue - depression. My debts get me down too and I am struggling with working it all out; get very sorry for myself at times. I have friends I can talk to sometimes, other times they let me down even though i am the person they turn to when they need someone to understand. So yes my personal life isn't great and that doesn't help. It's hard to make good solid friendships and takes a lot of time, and I've always moved around and found it hard to reach out to people and feel wanted.

I went away this weekend Fri-Mon (already had that booked ages ago) to walk in Yorkshire with a walking group. some of the issues re-surface as it means socialising a lot, but there is a lot of time just being in the hills with nature and away from people. And of course a lot of time when the people are fun, but i do have issues with confidence and feeling sensitive - which I try to hide and just get on with it. People describe me as quiet and sometimes have a problem with this, which is difficult as I am quite shy and don't mean to be hostile at all.

Anyway I'm beginning to ramble but just wanted to say that I slept so well whilst away, and think I actually needed to get out of my flat and in a new environment with a different purpose for a few days. We did lots of walking so I slept really well every night. We stayed at an Ibis hotel and ironically a guy came back from a nightclub (not our group) on the Sat night, shouting at the top of his lungs down the hotel corridor. it did wake me 2x and I just ignored and went back into a deep sleep; as I had walked 25 miles that day..so maybe that's the solution.

Other people heard it, you couldn't not hear it, and some couldn't get back to sleep. I think I was so relieved to have a break away from it all that I relaxed more. I can't afford holidays and couldn't afford this one either..but it was booked and I had done the training leading up to it so decided to still go.

Thanks again - I'm a bit emotional at times but can see how logical you are all being and realise that if it still bothers me i can probably speak to them or send a very polite note - I understand that speaking to them would be far better. It's hard to break the ice!:)

AliceBanned

benjus wrote: »

I have similar problems with the people above us - I don't know what type of flooring they have - may well be carpet - but the floorboards are very creaky which means that I can always hear them moving about upstairs. I use earplugs most nights now.

I can't blame them for it though - they are just walking around their flat. If I owned my place I might talk to them about getting the floor fixed, but I'm hoping to move out soon so I just live with it.

It does feel like they are stamping rather than walking - maybe when they are in a rush in the morning. As I said earlier I never heard the other neighbour walking so it is just the way they are; maybe worse as now a couple and just one guy lived there alone before. Anyway the flat is carpeted throughout - I know as I had to drop something in to previous neighbour once and you couldn't not notice as he had all the doors open.

The sound proofing isn't great, despite newest regulations!

AliceBanned

carefullycautious wrote: »

Nooo don't play loud music you will only get into a tit for tat situation and escalate the whole problem between you.

Try ambient noise first ( you can buy machines) but I used to play a cd with sounds of the sea/waves. Or the sounds of the rain forest, there are lots of relaxing ones out there. You will focus on these and stop hearing the noise.

This should allow you to fall into a deep sleep before it turns itself off.

Don't underestimate sleep deprivation as it can make you really ill as I found out after suffering from appalling anti social behaviour from an upstairs flat owner. I moved in the end and so did everyone who lived there after me.

You neighbours are only doing what everyone does, coming and going and using their washing machine probably late at night due to the cheaper tariff. Try to solve things your self first.

Thanks - was not aware of ambient noise machines.

I had severe sleep deprivation about 8 years ago for two years from a previous neighbour; I don't think I ever fully recovered. So I know how bad it can get and am probably being hypersensitive. In the end everyone does tend to move away from those seriously noisy neighbours - it's a common problem I know, and very distressing.

AliceBanned

ChumpusRex wrote: »

The first thing you need to do is tell your neighbours that the noise is bothering you. If they don't realise, they won't do anything about it.

The other issue, is that even if you do tell them, there may not be anything they can do.

I lived in a post-war converted townhouse in London. There was zero sound insulation between flats. Even though I had thick pile carpet, never wore shoes in the flat, and had put down extra rugs, just walking across the living room would cause so much noise in the flat below that I used to get at least one complaint e-mail a week. After the first e-mail, I started creeping about the flat in thick fluffy slippers, only to get an e-mail later in the week talking about herds of elephants.

Similarly, I had to take towels/pairs of jeans/etc. to the laundrette because if I put a towel in the washing machine, I'd get a solicitor's letter (even though the washing machine was brand new, and installed on a thick rubber "washing machine silencing" pad).

Shortly before I moved out, things got really acrimonious and a specialist surveyor was brought in. They basically said that there was nothing that could be done short of completely stripping and rebuilding the floors and ceilings.

Of course, that was an old conversion. I've recently moved to a brand new conversion, and have a very similar problem (not quite as bad) where I am on the bottom. Technically, my current flat must be an illegal conversion, as the noise insulation requirements for conversions since 2000 are very strict.

Thanks, that really helps me see what my neighbours' point of view might be if I started getting annoyed when they are just living normally. It probably is more down to the building than anything..will have to try and avoid anything getting personal.

That sounds awful, that you weren't a noisy neighbour but had all those complaints..