talk me down please

mellymoo74

A room. A shed. And the loft to go.

Apparently they are coming for the hospital stuff again tomorrow SIL decided OH could sit there during the only viewing in Chapel of rest times. OH has lost his rag with them.

meritaten

Well, SIL can find someone else! OH has just as much right to be at the viewing as SIL. and it must have felt good to let out some anger at the people who really deserve it!

mellymoo74

Yep. It did. He went mad and has turned his phone off.
We ate back giving Mr T a love

mellymoo74

And cheeky cow.
No input into arrangements. Thought he could not sit with his mum because they are all more important

meritaten

melly - in its only in THIER eyes they are more important. the way I see it is that at the end MIL trusted your OH more than anyone. he can take that into his heart - she said she loved him, she saved items important to her and hid them from the Evil Ones, she entrusted her much loved cat to you. just how much more does OH need to convince him that she really did love him?
the rest of it doesn't matter. honestly, it seems important now - but, OH and MIL made their peace - that is the HEART of it. MIL isn't really going to be there at the viewing - or the funeral. and if both are going to be Aunt and SILs public displays of grief..........which tbh I think they are............then they are meaningless. OH is genuinely grieving - its the loss of his mother and those awful years.
You and OH COULD have your own 'service' you know. it doesn't have to be at the 'arranged' funeral. because wherever MIL is - she knows how you feel.

mellymoo74

The plan is viewing tomorrow.
Own car to cemetery to pay respects
Off on own to mark passing.

I remind him several times a day that their opinion is unimportant. She loved him and that's all that matters.

He saw me and Mr T Cat playing skiddy fishing toy, and the blinky kisses after and said his mum would be amazed at the change in him. I reminded him that his mum has been ill for a couple of years and Mr Cat has known this and been worried.

mellymoo74

Already told him to expect throwing of themselves on coffin etc but too remember that none of it is real.

elona

melly

As someone who has a nasty turn of phrase mentally I hope they both do throw themselves on top of the cofffin - only when it is in the grave - and a digger fills it in smartish on top of them. :mad:

wannabe_sybil

I logged in just to say, you are doing brilliantly, you are getting above and beyond and that your OH is lucky to have you. I also think you are right about that gorgeous gentleman. Cats know things.

Your OH can hang on to the clear evidence that she loved him now and there is no further pain from her failings. At the viewing and funeral, your MIL won't be there. She will be in a better place. All the drama and fuss won't have any effect on her.

btw during the funeral there is bound to be hissy fits. If you can look at it through the lens of a story, knowing that if anything appalling happens (I'm saying 'if' but there's a good chance of 'when') you will have some awesome stories to tell at dinner parties. It might help take the sting out of it.

Once the funeral is over then things will start getting easier, but Aunty and SIL will miss the drama. I think you will have to be prepared for silliness. Keep Calm and Cuddle a Cat.

mellymoo74

I think your right, there will be major histrionics.

The best bit of the 'conversation' last night was OH telling his sister not to worry about carrying out their mothers last wishes, his mum and he knew the jewellery they had stolen was sold.

Mr Cat does hes a clever boy, (OH noticed we have a little routine going on)

I will be wearing this

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