talk me down please

mellymoo74

And I am pushing it to the back of mind

It is partially about disappearing but mainly with me control


And thank you

tesuhoha

Well you are totally in control of the cat's eating to ensure they are healthy. Treat yourself like one of the cats, with a lot of love. Go for nutrition.. You will still be in control. Peanut butter is good.

tesuhoha

mellymoo74 wrote: »

And I am pushing it to the back of mind

It is partially about disappearing but mainly with me control


And thank you

That's okay. But no one wants you to disappear.

tesuhoha

You deserve to give yourself as much love as you give everyone else. Don't forget that.

tesuhoha

If those cats and dogs could cook you dinner, they would.

mellymoo74

My tiger loves me
He just squawked at me and rolled over until I gave a love.

He's sloppy
Have a boo tucked under my chin.

Docs given me duac to sort my skin out hopefully it will work.

I am going to chase PIP tomorrow maybe if I shout enough they will pull their finger's out.

Am doing that course, occupational psychology will be useful I am going to head towards that direction I think

tesuhoha

Melly - I have been thinking what you said about control and I have been thinking how what I have learned about eating disorders applies to anorexia and to you in particular. You may not like what I have to say but please read it because it stands out a mile on this thread that all your fainting fits, limb weakness, mini strokes, migraines etc are caused by your not eating properly and you are still losing weight.

I think that you believe that because you have had anorexia for so long that you can't recover from it and you don't like talking about it for this reason. You think it is too difficult. You think you need loads of counceling and psychology before you can even think about recovery. Well you don't. You can recover from it and you can start right away. You can be miserable and messed up but still recover from anorexia. I want you to look at it in a different way.

You say that by not eating you have control. Well, I would put it to you that you do not have true control with anorexia. The anorexia is controlling you. You are not listening to the logical, higher part of your brain which is telling you 'you must eat more than that, you are starving yourself to death.' Instead you are following an animal instinct which you have had since you were 7 years old. When you were 7 years old you were probably helpless over everything in your life and you wanted to disappear. Therefore you needed that control over food.

But Melly - here's the thing - you are no longer that helpless 7 year old child. You are a grown woman with complete control over your life. Things might not always go your way but you have free will to do as you please. You no longer need that prop because you are a very strong woman. .

I would suggest that anorexia has become a habit. Every time you encounter stress in your life you stop eating, not because you need control over your life or you need to disappear but because you are answering the habit that is formed in your brain. That is the way you react in times of stress and unhappiness, that is your immediate animal instinct. The lower part of your brain is literally telling you. 'Stop eating and you can control this.' You know that it is not true though.

But you need a way out. You can't carry on like this. So your salvation is your logical, clever sensible upper brain which is telling you. 'This is really dangerous. What are you doing to yourself?' True control is listening to that voice and acting on it because lets face it if you are starving yourself to the extent that you are going to be carted off to hospital and leave your pets and husband to their own devices, then that is hardly control over your life. Is it?

What you have to do is to change the neural pathways in your brain that have formed the anorexia habit. The way to do this is to take control by ignoring the voice in your head telling you not to eat, ignore the instinct to go hungry. Don't fight against it but let it sweep over you. Listen to the warning voice telling you that you must eat to stay alive and act on it. The more you act on it the easier it will become because the habit of under eating will weaken more and more. You have to destroy the habit by stopping it and refusing to give in to that negative voice nagging you.

Therefore I would suggest making a point of sitting down at least 3 times a day maybe 4 to a small meal. Just do it. If its difficult just go through the physical actions of making a meal without thinking and sit down in front of it. You are not too busy to do this (because once you start eating you won't have to lie down so often for a rest). You can start off lightly at first. Choose foods you really enjoy and feel good about. Eat the food and let any negative feelings sweep over you. Each time you do this you will help your recovery. Just keep on doing it and gradually increase the amount you eat. If you have a setback, don't worry but just carry on. Don't give up.

You can think about your motivation to do this if you like. Your motivation is the return of your strength and health, the ability to work, the ability to look after your dear husband and pets. They need you to be strong. Remember by doing this you are taking real control over your life.

The other thing I would say to you is that eating is desirable and you have permission to eat. I know that sounds funny but maybe I have been reading too many books on eating disorders! But please have a go at what I suggest. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain including freedom. Do you know that people recover from eating disorders after a whole lifetime by breaking the habit.

wannabe_sybil

I think I agree with tesuhoha.

Melly, you know that I think you're amazing and the way you have risen to some serious challenges is awesome. I don't want to make things worse for you so I am nervous about saying anything.

Please, please, please, put your needs nearer the front of the queue. That's probably going to need a serious change of world view, but is totally necessary. Your furries need you to be well.

tesuhoha

wannabe_sybil wrote: »

I think I agree with tesuhoha.

Melly, you know that I think you're amazing and the way you have risen to some serious challenges is awesome. I don't want to make things worse for you so I am nervous about saying anything.

Please, please, please, put your needs nearer the front of the queue. That's probably going to need a serious change of world view, but is totally necessary. Your furries need you to be well.

I just thought I would risk saying something because Melly can help herself. My advice comes from the latest thinking on eating disorders.

I believe its the way forward.

tesuhoha

Melly, are you going to try what I suggest?