How is a marriage supposed to be...

paulineb_2

Maybe an insatiable intellect as well.

victory

arbroath_lass wrote: »

You think this thread is harsh? Wait till her husband finds out.


But, as the OP hasn't been back since posting I don't think there's any need to give her the benefit of the doubt now. OP is a troll.

yep troll, would any person put up with that kind of relationship, really???

Buick

tea_lover wrote: »

We need a 'troll or tramp' poll.

:rotfl::rotfl:

Well it doesn't look like OP is coming back. Maybe they're just reading the replies.

Valli

rachiibell wrote: »

I think some of the posters have been a bit harsh.

She has a young son and she's currently engaged in her second extra-marital affair and posters on here have been a 'bit harsh'?

Are YOU for real?

rachiibell

Valli wrote: »

She has a young son and she's currently engaged in her second extra-marital affair and posters on here have been a 'bit harsh'?

Are YOU for real?

Oh I think what she's done is awful and I did say that further on in my post. I just felt bad if it was a genuine first post and they were being called names. Still that looks unlikely now since they've not been back.

Got_the_T_Shirt

I don't think it matters if the OP is a troll or not since this is a topic which is as old as time itself and is probably being read by people who would like to hear others thoughts on the subject.

I am amazed at how judgmental many of the replies are. I don't trust the statistics because people aren't too truthful but it is a fairly conservative estimate that 30-40% of people in marriages have strayed at some time or another. That doesn't make it right but clearly there are powerful forces at work which need bringing into the open and discussing.

Our culture sells us the idea that a marriage can supply us with everything we need to make us happy and fulfilled. That our partner can be a provider a good parent, a lifelong wonderful lover, and a 'best friend', and that though we will each change over time we will grow together. I think we all want that and every day we see others who we think have that, but I guess for most it isn't so. We will differ over how to parent, how to spend money, how we enjoy making love and even how to squeeze the toothpaste tube.

It's grown up stuff, but how do we cope when we realize that the other person isn't able to provide what we need? On some things we give way ("OK if you want to go out with the lads - do it") on some we compromise ("You can have a new dress if I can buy some CDs") on some we just accept that if the other half for what they are ( She doesn't want sex every day - Ok) some we draw up lines ("If you hit the kids - I'll leave you") sometimes we adopt the 'what the eye doesn't see won't hurt you approach (I'll eat chocolate when he's out and hide the wrapper").

So a long answer. I think you are doing the right thing in asking for help - though as you will have found this isn't the place for it. Proper counselling would be good - either as a couple or just for you because as you said yourself you are confused about your feelings. If not that a trusted friend or just write yourself a letter and then burn it. From your post it is difficult to unpick all the things going on in your head but one thing is for sure you aren't the first or the last to be in this position, and it can be sorted out (one way or another).

As I said this is grown up stuff. What do you want from life and what can you compromise on? What is essential to you and what can you do without? Think about your actions and the consequences of them ? Is your new relartionship a way of running away from your marriage or is it something that is going to give you the things you need?

Once you know what is important to you then you need to try to talk to your husband and tell him what you need from life and find out what he is willing to work on, what changes you can both make and what will stay the same. I don't think you can have everything you want so it's compromise time. If it comes to it you will need to have that talk with lover too.

Some people do lead a life where they get their home life and stability from one person and their excitement danger and sex from another but it is a risky game to play and it sounds as if your life at home - even with a lover to provide the fun isn't doing it for you. From the sound of your lover what he want's too isn't what you want.

You have my sympathy and compassion but only you can provide the answers - and certainly not those who post in disgust.

paddyrg

Mid-life crisis early?

ShadowPuma

How much does your husband know about your affairs? Some people DO agree to allow such dalliances but usually not when the emotional side of the marriage is dead/dying.

You need to sit down with him and work out why you aren't happy with him. Whether that includes the affairs or not is up to you. Its likely he isn't happy either.