How is a marriage supposed to be...

AlwaysUnsure

long time lurker, first time poster..ok, here goes

i have been with my OH 11 years and married for 8...i am 31 he is 39.

I do love him a lot but how do you tell if your still in love with someone ?? i had an affair about 4 years ago, lasting 2 years which finished as i told him i would never leave my husband.

another affair has started but this one feels totally different..We have a lot of feelings towards eachother already and its only been 6 weeks...he has made it clear that the day his daughters turn 18, he is leaving his wife but until then he is staying firmly put (daughters are currently 11 and 14)...this is fine as i doubt my feelings will last that long for him...im screwed if i do fall in love with him..

im so confused about my feelings...my husband is, well, boring !! he never wants to go out, hardly ever smiles, tells me he is always tired and aggravated and pops at me all the time over the smallest things..i am very outgoing, bubbly, loud and confident and prefer going out without him as i can be totally myself..when i am with him he tells me to not make a show of myself, not to get drunk etc etc so i can never drink and relax with him around..not that we ever go out together anyway as he's all about his hobbies and im all about seeing friends etc

although we dont row, just bicker over small things, and he is my best friend, he is loyal, kind and always goes to work etc etc..i feel like i am missing out on something and most of the time find him hard work to be around...anyone who knows us as a couple, think we are rock solid and it would be a complete shock if we split up...im not sure if im feeling this way because he makes me feel that way or because something else exciting has turned my head...

im so confused..we have a young son and a mortgage etc, the last thing i want to do is break up my young family but i keep questioning myself if i can live like this for another 5, 10, 20 years etc...

i want fun and laughter in my life and only seem to get that when i am with other people...he's not really a talker, il say something and he'll throw something back at me so i just ignore him when he makes a pop at me...

im 31 years old, i still feel 20 and i want to enjoy my life before im old......but i question myself, if i love OH so much, why have i had 2 affairs and find them so easy to start....i want to ditch this other guy but the way he makes me feel is magical when i am with him (once or twice a week) and i feel if i ditch him then ill have no excitement left in my life..

i dont expect people to agree with what i am doing, but i did need to get it off my chest and hopefully someone might make things a bit clearer for me....

Buick

If your husband found out about your affairs he could kick you out and go for custody of your little one. Does that focus your mind a bit?

maggy50

You are obviously a troll !

FBaby

It doesn't sound like you love him at all, just staying in your marriage because of the convenience, a bit like having your cake and eating it. You say your husband is your best friend? How can he be when you say he is boring and you clearly can't tell him all what is on your mind?

If you really had any respect for him, you would take the risk to lose what you have good and give destiny the chance to meet your perfect man. In the meantime, you would give your husband to meet someone who really deserves him.

Soleil_lune

Well, a marriage is not supposed to be about having affairs because you're bored! It's about compromise, talking things through, understanding each other, getting together to sort issues and problems, and being there for each other.

Why the hell did you get married to this man in the first place? Sounds like you have nothing in common, you are complete polar opposites, and you have quite a bit of contempt for him.

Re; your latest 'conquest;' how can you possibly have really strong feelings for someone after only 6 weeks? I have food in my fridge that has been there longer than that.

Doesn't sound like you love him at all, as you appear to have zero respect for him. Start the ball rolling now to end the marriage as you obviously want something other than a caring, reliable man. Let him go, and let him find someone who deserves him. At least you will then be free to play the field, which is obviously what you want to do.

Buick

maggy50 wrote: »

You are obviously a troll !

It could be a troll, new poster and all that, but there are people around who behave like that, so it may not necessarily be some bored individual just posting something on a forum to pass the time. You can never really tell on this board, I find.

Poppops

I hope this isn't a genuine post.

However, if it is, why are you still married? Sounds like because you have the security of a home and a loyal husband. Well none of us can have it all.

You do not sound like you have any idea of the pain you may cause your husband if he finds out. Has he changed so much or was he always a bit quiet? If so, why on earth marry him?

Having an affair is an incredibly hateful thing to do and none of your reasons excuse it.

As for your lover only staying with his wife until his kids are 18, wake up! It's the oldest line in the book

arbroath_lass

I wouldn't treat my worst enemy like that never mind my best friend. I hope you are a troll but if not, do the decent thing, leave and let your husband find someone who does love and respect him.


I take it you'll be leaving your son with his Dad? Single Mums don't get a lot of opportunities to go out and get !!!!ed.

Valli

AlwaysUnsure wrote: »

another affair has started

Love how you phrase this:rotfl:

No YOU have started another affair.

or you're trollling.

balletshoes

AlwaysUnsure wrote: »

long time lurker, first time poster..ok, here goes

i have been with my OH 11 years and married for 8...i am 31 he is 39.

I do love him a lot but how do you tell if your still in love with someone ?? i had an affair about 4 years ago, lasting 2 years which finished as i told him i would never leave my husband.

another affair has started but this one feels totally different..We have a lot of feelings towards eachother already and its only been 6 weeks...he has made it clear that the day his daughters turn 18, he is leaving his wife but until then he is staying firmly put (daughters are currently 11 and 14)...this is fine as i doubt my feelings will last that long for him...im screwed if i do fall in love with him..

im so confused about my feelings...my husband is, well, boring !! he never wants to go out, hardly ever smiles, tells me he is always tired and aggravated and pops at me all the time over the smallest things..i am very outgoing, bubbly, loud and confident and prefer going out without him as i can be totally myself..when i am with him he tells me to not make a show of myself, not to get drunk etc etc so i can never drink and relax with him around..not that we ever go out together anyway as he's all about his hobbies and im all about seeing friends etc

although we dont row, just bicker over small things, and he is my best friend, he is loyal, kind and always goes to work etc etc..i feel like i am missing out on something and most of the time find him hard work to be around...anyone who knows us as a couple, think we are rock solid and it would be a complete shock if we split up...im not sure if im feeling this way because he makes me feel that way or because something else exciting has turned my head...

im so confused..we have a young son and a mortgage etc, the last thing i want to do is break up my young family but i keep questioning myself if i can live like this for another 5, 10, 20 years etc...

i want fun and laughter in my life and only seem to get that when i am with other people...he's not really a talker, il say something and he'll throw something back at me so i just ignore him when he makes a pop at me...

im 31 years old, i still feel 20 and i want to enjoy my life before im old......
but i question myself, if i love OH so much, why have i had 2 affairs and find them so easy to start...
.i want to ditch this other guy but the way he makes me feel is magical when i am with him (once or twice a week) and i feel if i ditch him then ill have no excitement left in my life..

i dont expect people to agree with what i am doing, but i did need to get it off my chest and hopefully someone might make things a bit clearer for me....

you don't love your OH - because if you did, you'd have enough respect for him and your life as a family together, not to "easily start" 2 affairs already.

Just be careful what you wish for - the grass won't necessarily be greener when you split up from your husband, and being a single parent is hard.

geoffky

I think you need to grow up...A lot.