Adoption & Adopting

Beckyy

It's quite startling to hear about people being left just to get on with it, especially when the chances are the help from SS post-adoption will be a big factor in helping to cope with any challenging behaviour.

I guess it's something that just can't be avoided from some children though [challenging behaviour], as the background of each child is never going to easy, even if they haven't been abused.

BugglyB

Hello, some reading for you if you haven't so far come across these resources - adoptionuk website and forum, and any books or articles you can get your hands on about attatchment theory and adoption, The Primal Wound by Nancy Verier (?) is a good place to start, best of luck

GwylimT

I officially adopted my son when he was four, after he had been living with me for around a year.

The process isn't that difficult or complicated, at first they are just interested in standard things, age, previous addresses, any existing children, your job, partners, family etc. Then you have an criminal record check, health check, home visit and references.

I was adopting the family member, this only changed one part of the process where we would select a preferred age range, instead of that we did have to do the whole why we want to adopt, why we think we would be suitable etc.

I was originally adopting as a couple, during the process my wife passed away, this however didn't significantly change things, the process was just halted for a few weeks until I was ready to continue. If my son was younger this may have been awkward, but as he was school age it didn't pose any problems e.g childcare, where as if he was younger I would have had to show that I could either afford all necessary child care/had a family member who could care for him if I didn't give up work.

I don't know if this is available in all areas but we were able to go to sort of adoption open evenings where social services would present information, as would adoptive parents and adults who had been adopted so you could gain various slants on the issue.

Depending on funding you may receive support from social services after adoption, I don't know if it has changed but when my son was adopted we didn't as at the time the local authority didn't provide any funding at all to children who had been adopted after the first six months and then this was limited to children with physical disabilities or chronic conditions. I did find though while attending the group that many prospective adoptive parents believed any problem was the problem of social services, I mean really, would they be saying the same with a biological child?

Person_one

Beckyy wrote: »

It's quite startling to hear about people being left just to get on with it, especially when the chances are the help from SS post-adoption will be a big factor in helping to cope with any challenging behaviour.

I guess it's something that just can't be avoided from some children though [challenging behaviour], as the background of each child is never going to easy, even if they haven't been abused.

There is support available, have a look at this charity:

http://www.afteradoption.org.uk/adoptivefamilies

listerinspector

It’s not true that you can’t change a child’s name, you just have to wait for the adoption order to be granted in order to do so. Once it’s granted, you are the child’s legal parent and can make decisions (medical/legal) for the child as any birth parent would. You must however, keep the local authority informed of name changes, medical operations and if you plan to take them out of the country for more than 30 days until the adopted child is 18. Sometimes a court may actually insist a name is changed completely if the birth family pose a threat.

It used to be the case that certain things about a child may be kept hidden so as to not put off any potential adopters, this is no longer the case as local authorities and adoption agencies have been sued in the past. It’s not also in the best interest of the child to hide anything as when breakdown happens and the child is returned to SS, the cost of a mistake is far greater. One of the adoption panel members adopted kids and things were hidden. There is great post adoption support available now and any child once turn 18 can request to see their files.

Ex partners are not necessarily interviewed unless they are still in your life, your whole history (life story) will be looked at where exes may be discussed same as family members you regularly see and friends. I’ve worked in 2 local authorities and have not known exes that you are no longer in touch with to be contacted.

Those already with a child, the existing child has to be taken into consideration. You’re not less favourable because you have a child, but the age of the child and home set up will be considered as at times, a child in care has such high needs they (or even the parents) are unable to cope and ultimately, if they don’t get on then your own child will come first and if anyone is kicked out, of course it will be the adoptee.

Anyone interested in adopting, your LA should hold a ‘thinking of adopting?’ (or something similar, each LA may call it a different name) seminar/event at least once a year where you get the initial information with no commitment. There’s usually talks from past adopters and adoptees themselves.

Ms_Chocaholic

listerinspector wrote: »

Once it’s granted, you are the child’s legal parent and can make decisions (medical/legal) for the child as any birth parent would. You must however, keep the local authority informed of name changes, medical operations and if you plan to take them out of the country for more than 30 days until the adopted child is 18.

This is not true, when an Adoption Order is granted this makes the parents as equal as any parent who has birth children. Once the Adoption Order is granted the LA will close the file, therefore there will be no mechanism for recording this information within the LA files.

As I understand it, the only stipulation is that adopters inform the LA in the sad event that the child dies so that the birth parent can be informed.

listerinspector

Perhaps it varies from LA to LA, but I deal with the recruitment of adopters and post adoption work. You are right in that adopters must inform LA if child dies (along with the other stuff I mentioned). When a child is up for adoption, the birth parents sign consent to it and thereby losing parental rights in making decisions for the child. This however, does largely depend on the circumstances of the child being up for adoption as sometimes if the birth parents pose a risk, they are not given the choice. As I work in SS, I deal more with children who are taken from birth family for their own safety.

LA’s don’t close the file for good, it’s a legal requirement to have records in storage for 99 years. Where I work, each adopted child has a folder made up for them, detailing their birth, parents history, the plan for adoption, their life story book, post adoption plans and contact agreements, and all legal paper work including the minutes of panels and adoption order. This is for the child should they want to see it when they turn 18 and for our own records of what was done, decisions made and the how’s and why’s incase there is a need for an investigation.

I sometimes wish birth parents have to go through as rigorous checks as adopters do.

whodathunkit

BigAunty wrote: »

My same sex partner friends successfully passed the screening process but then got continually mucked about by the social worker assigned to match them with a child, they found the whole thing very traumatic and suspected it was fuelled by homophobia. After a very long period of what was at the very leasts, poor communications, admin and management around the matching process, they permanently withdrew. Since the vetting process to be approved can be upsettting and complex, they must have been really arsed about to have decided not to engage with social services ever again once they'd actually passed the screening.

I did look into fostering/adoption but what put me off was finding out that the social workers will contact previous partners. I didn't really want to discuss a failed marriage from 20 years ago, nor a failed relationship 10 years previously and was hostile to the prospect of the digging in that sensitive area for me - contacting my former partners was just such a no-no for me, though I understand why they may want to do it. My ex falsely accused me of drinking too much and that can of bogus worms must stay unopened..

They certainly didn't want this information from us when we applied - are you in England?

pinkladyof66

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

This is not true, when an Adoption Order is granted this makes the parents as equal as any parent who has birth children. Once the Adoption Order is granted the LA will close the file, therefore there will be no mechanism for recording this information within the LA files.

As I understand it, the only stipulation is that adopters inform the LA in the sad event that the child dies so that the birth parent can be informed.

Totally agree with you here once the adoption order is made there is no difference in status of an adopted child or biological child you dont have to report anything to the council apart from if the child dies and they wish to inform the birth family.

gizmo111

The law doesn't vary from LA to LA. Rarely do the birth parents sign consent through care proceedings and their PR is taken from them through the making of a Care and Placement Order in Court. Once the adoption is complete then the adoptive parents have full PR and have no obligation to inform the LA of any medical procedures etc, or when they move or go on extended holidays abroad. Files are closed and archived and letter box contact is monitored by the LA.
The whole point of adoption is to give the child an upbringing without the confines of SS intervention.
A Special Guardianship Order requires the things you discuss regarding medical procedures - but only life threatening ones and if the child is out of the country for more than three months.

listerinspector wrote: »

Perhaps it varies from LA to LA, but I deal with the recruitment of adopters and post adoption work. You are right in that adopters must inform LA if child dies (along with the other stuff I mentioned). When a child is up for adoption, the birth parents sign consent to it and thereby losing parental rights in making decisions for the child. This however, does largely depend on the circumstances of the child being up for adoption as sometimes if the birth parents pose a risk, they are not given the choice. As I work in SS, I deal more with children who are taken from birth family for their own safety.

LA’s don’t close the file for good, it’s a legal requirement to have records in storage for 99 years. Where I work, each adopted child has a folder made up for them, detailing their birth, parents history, the plan for adoption, their life story book, post adoption plans and contact agreements, and all legal paper work including the minutes of panels and adoption order. This is for the child should they want to see it when they turn 18 and for our own records of what was done, decisions made and the how’s and why’s incase there is a need for an investigation.

I sometimes wish birth parents have to go through as rigorous checks as adopters do.