Adoption & Adopting

Beckyy

I couldn't spot a thread about this, so apologies if there's one already floating around.

Adopting is something I'm really interested to learn more about. We have a relative who is in the process of adopting, and it's something I'm quite sure we would consider in the future (with or without medical reasons).

How did people find the process in general (both parent and child)?


How did things go with existing/future biological children, were there ever any issues or negative feelings between siblings?

Also, who on earth did adoptive parents use as references? The requirements sound very precise.

Thanks for any replies - very interested to read them!

codemonkey

Was considering posting a thread like this myself, so glad you've done so.

suejb2

What a great thread to start,thanks.I'll watch this as I am seriously considering fostering/adoption.Do I do it now when my two are young or wait till they're older? Maybe other posters will let us in on their fist hand knowledge.

pete428

suejb2 wrote: »

What a great thread to start,thanks.I'll watch this as I am seriously considering fostering/adoption.Do I do it now when my two are young or wait till they're older? Maybe other posters will let us in on their fist hand knowledge.

I could have wrote that myself, im in the exact same position as you.

listerinspector

I work in this field within a local authority.

Requirements vary from child to child based on their needs. Some can not handle having older/younger children in the same home. It all depends on what the child has been through as some have significant needs that they will require a lot of attention and support. If they have a sibling who is in care, a ''together or apart'' assessment will be done.

If you're talking of personal references, they could be any adult from your friend, sibling, neighbour or colleague if you also know them socially. With my local authority, the references are asked how long they have known the applicants, in what capacity, how the applicants have handled stress or trauma in the past (death for e.g.), what they think a child will gain being placed with them and if they know of any reason why it would be detrimental for a child to live with them. Other LA's may ask different questions.

Potential adopters are also checked on any other local authroties they've ever lived in to see if they are known (and in what circumstances they are known), they have medical checks, ofsted, employment and of course, an enhanced CRB.

Potential adopters will be assigned a social worker to go through all possible scenarios and you'll go on courses ranging from how to handle allegations, relationships past/present, life story (i.e. telling the child about his/her past especially if it's been traumatic).

You will have to go to panel to be approved for adoption and who you can adopt e.g. maximum 2 children of either gender aged 0-2, and go to panel again when a match has been found.

Reality with fostering and adoption is that many people who make the initial enquiries want babies but that is rarely available as nowadays expectant mothers are counselled and supported in trying to build a relationship with their child first. The vast majority of children available to adopt are older children, are of ethnic minority (the ones in my LA are), some are disabled and most will have had a traumatic past so challenging behaviour is expected hence the courses before adoption.

listerinspector

suejb2 wrote: »

What a great thread to start,thanks.I'll watch this as I am seriously considering fostering/adoption.Do I do it now when my two are young or wait till they're older? Maybe other posters will let us in on their fist hand knowledge.

Fostering is more common that adoption as not only is a child there temporarily but there is a financial gain from it.

Though it isn't much, it is considered an allowance (for the child)so doesn't have to be declared as income. This means you could claim other benefits and the allowance wont affect the amount of benefits you can get.

You'll be pleased to hear that most of our foster carers are genuine lovely people who do a great job and have a positive influence in a child's life. But there are some who use fostering to keep themselves on benefits, gain a larger council home and avoid the bedroom tax. This is rare though but does happen.

gizmo111

I don't know in what capacity the previous poster is posting a but a lot of her comments are inaccurate.

I suggest anyone looking to adopt or foster look here for information.

http://www.baaf.org.uk/info

Beckyy

Thanks for the info, interesting to read about the ins and outs of the process. It would be great to hear from anybody who had been through it first hand?

Are there any calculations on what age a child would be placed with a person/couple, or is it done on a case by case basis? Eg, could a 21y/o adopt a 4 year old, or does it start at 21y/o adopting newborn, 22y/o adopting a 1year old etc. until age is irrelevant?

bride2be2012

My parents adopted my youngest sister when I was 20, she was 2 and my other (biological) sister was 13.

My parents were foster carers for many many years before adopting, so they/we (as a family) were already known to social work in the area so I'm unsure what they did about references etc. I do know that the process was very long and drawn out, and there were a lot of clerical/admin errors made along the way, including loosing all our our passports/ID when they applied for background checks on our family and even worse, going to the court hearing to apply for the adoption to go through officially and not even having the birth mother's written permission at that late, late stage!

I don't know how it works with age at the younger end of the scale, but my parents were allowed to adopt when my dad was over 60 - so I think as long as all the other 'conditions' are right, it may be a case of age is just a number.

The process we went through was slightly different, as my parents did not apply to adopt in general, it was specifically this little girl...she was, at the time, being fostered by someone we knew. The foster carer was unable to continue fostering her long term, and social work were struggling to find someone to adopt/foster her long term as she has severe health issues.

In terms of issues with existing siblings, this was never an issue with us lol, as I was an adult already at the time of adoption and my sister a teenage - not much chance of us becoming jealous of a 2 year old lol! (She is now the most spoiled 11 year old ever, but she gets away with it!). However, we (my biological sister and I) were brought up with my parents fostering, and I can't recall ever being jealous or having rivalry with any of the children we had to stay...we were brought up to understand that these children were having a hard time at home, and we were to share all our toys/tv/sweets whatever with them.

HTH, feel free to PM me with any questions...

BitterAndTwisted

There's a very interesting series on CH4 about fostering/adoption at the moment called "15,000 and Counting" I think. From what I've seen on the programme children older than 5 can be very hard to find homes for. It appears that babies and toddlers can find homes quite easily but the older ones are constantly over-looked.

I had a good cry after watching last week's programme. If I was differently situated I'd have them all.

Counting_Pennies_2

My sister adopted a couple of years ago.


She had tried for many years to have a child of her own, and then turned to adoption when she had exhausted every avenue.


I guess emotionally she was very charged but she did find the vetting process quite intrusive. Checking weight (10 stone), personal habits such as smoking (she didn't) and drinking (a glass a night tops). Despite appearing very reasonable and conservative to me, she was informed she was obese, and her habits needed curtailing. Despite all the scrutiny and the advice on her lifestyle, after many many different interviews she and her husband passed the process.


She was matched very quickly and now has a delightful little girl.


She was then assigned a social worker and put in touch with a local adopters support group, who they still meet with regularly and the children all play together, and they receive their support that way.


The social worker is no longer involved now the adoption process is complete.


She had to wait for nearly a whole year before the adoption was complete and during that time the biological mother wanted to get in touch and meet with them all. This again was an emotionally charged event, as despite the little girl living with my sister for 9 months at that stage, it was still very possible she could have requested her daughter back.


As it was she came to say goodbye and meet the family of her little girl.


Until the court case for the adoption has taken place, every day felt like it was on a knife edge. She was not able to relax until she was officially one of the family.


hth