Realism Vs Idealism?

Fredula

Mojisola wrote: »

Because he's a parent and he should trying to do his best for his son!

Watching TV every waking hour will affect your child's development.

I grew up with my parents watching TV most of the time when they were 'relaxing'. I particularly remember a time where my Mum said to me 'I love watching you play with your barbies' and from that moment I never played with them in front of her again, because that was just it - I played on my own. She never got involved. Or my Dad, for that matter. He once took us over the field to play football and it was such a rareity that we asked again and again and he never did it again. Same with board games - once in a blue moon he would play board games with us. I just don't want it to be like that with my son.

TV in moderation is fine, but my son is around it all the time. I'm lucky that I don't have to pay for childcare. My only grumble is that when my parents look after him, they always have the telly on (shopping channel mostly, at the moment) and when his other Nan looks after him, she's mostly got Cebeebies on. So when he's at home with us for the weekend, I do not want him to watch the blooming telly. He's not just my son though, which I'm very aware of the fact that I have to take that into consideration.

Fredula

Alikay wrote: »

Gosh - he does sound wet and irritating! I guess he must be capable of taking responsibility at some level, due to his job but doesn't seem to use initiative in his personal life. I doubt that you behaving like his mother in directing him all the time helps him step out of that rather pathetic role either. Was he like this before you married him or has it developed recently?

He's been like it since he moved in when we had our son. I think it's me that's changed though. I used to be quite happy to sit on my laptop all day, doing nothing else. For the first 8 months of my baby's life I had post natal depression so wasn't interested in him at all. But now I just want what's best for our family and as a fatty, I don't want my son to lead an unhealthy lifestyle and this is where it kind of all starts - watching loads of telly = wanting to spend time indoors which means less time outdoors, running around doing what kids should do.

My husband jokes about getting my son his first games console. When that day comes, he either better be a teenager or I will take a hammer to it. No joke.

meritaten

its just a thought - but I have the TV on constantly too. It's to 'mask' the noise from the neighbour. She is deaf and she talks loudly, her visitors shout, and her tv is turned up to max. I cant tell you how many times I hear the phone from upstairs run downstairs and it isn't my phone its hers! though that did come in handy when she was ill one night and I heard her moaning in pain and went round and called the ambulance for her.
I mostly can ignore my tv. I don't actually watch much. I can read, do my hobbies and housework and don't mind the noise from MY tv, where hearing everything from next door drives me insane.
Perhaps your OH puts it on to block out the sounds of other people in the house?
Is there no way you can get your own place?

mountainofdebt

OP I have to ask what's OBEM?

Seriously though I only make a point of Holby City but the TV is on but is 'background' noise for most of the time.

I have to say though I think I would be pretty miffed if my OH told me to go out because he wanted to be on his own.

fufu_banterwaite

You told us all the things about him that annoy you, but what are his good points? What do you like about him?

If you struggle to come up any then I think you need to consider why you are still with him.

marisco_2

Fredula wrote: »

So when he's at home with us for the weekend, I do not want him to watch the blooming telly.

I think you are quite right to feel this way. A child that sits for a long time in front of the TV on a daily basis, can become uncommunicative. Their physical health can be affected, and learning is made more difficult. It can also affect their eyes, by not giving their eyes the proper exercise that they need. Watching TV takes time away from reading, building things, talking to other people. Children can have a difficult time coming up with ideas, using their imagination or doing creative activities and it can be difficult for them to think anything through. They need to communicate constantly so that they can have their questions answered, their wrong ideas corrected and the right view encouraged. Also by cutting down on the amount of TV watched children experience less fatigue and have better attention spans.

meritaten

that is all correct what you say Marisco. but, have any of you lived with 'in-laws'?
I have, when I first got married we couldn't afford the deposit on a house. and the council waiting list was long so we got 'rooms' with his bachelor uncle who was retired.
except - we weren't allowed to used the 'front room' and had to use uncles sitting room. I just used to drag him into the front room if I wanted to 'have words' with him. OH I mean, not uncle. He was a lovely man and I got very fond of him, but after we left.
OH felt comfortable there, I didn't. I hated it. I used to go up to our bedroom and put the radio on. because uncle was constantly 'there'. I felt we had no privacy at all. and three months later when our daughter was born - it was worse. I nearly left a number of times.
Its really hard to live with people who are strangers to you, but your OH knows them well and puts up with quirks and the 'insider' jokes. I felt really isolated. and often I felt I was 'in the way' when HE had visitors (which was most days). I never knew quite where I stood in that household and it did make me a bit insular. perhaps this is why I sympathise with fredulas OH.

PS - my MIL had a key to house and never hesitated to use it, even when she knew uncle was out.

pinkshoes

Argh my DH loves the tv on all the time too!

I just make sure we have plenty of family activities planned at weekends, and DS always helps me make dinner.

if he refuses to turn the TV off, then just take your 2 year old out.

I get my "me" time when DS goes to bed!

victory

There can be a compromise, agree to have the TV on for x amount of time within the weekend, so he feels as if he is not being told off/punished/can't ever have it on and if he knows he can then he could be more willing to interact within the family and want t ogo out at the weekends and spend time away from it and have fun outside.

Saying YOU CANNOT HAVE THE TV ON will not work.

thehappybutterfly

God Fred, your husband sounds exactly like mine! He hates being on his own though as he's quite isolated all day at work. I like being on my own but never get any time to myself. I am just now with being off sick but at the weekends he's just "always there". I like to go off by myself for a walk with the ipod and earphones in but I have to sneak out while he's having a lie in!

I had to pop into work a couple of weeks ago to hand in my line and while I was there, there was a wee teaparty for a colleagues last day. I didn't want him there so I asked him to come back for me in an hour or so(Im unable to drive just now) and his face! "What am I supposed to do for an hour on my own?" Seriously? You're a big boy, Im sure you can amuse yourself.