Present dilemna for exes children

duchy

FatVonD wrote: »

He dumped you after a week of not contacting you and then only after you messaged him, sorry but I'd have assumed I was dumped even before the text!

Really ?
A year into a relationship ?

Frankly this bloke is struggling - He is allowing himself to be bullied and manipulated by a child -probably because he feels guilty. He needs professional help but I don't believe it's the OP's place to suggest it at this time.

juliebunny

Thanks guys

juliebunny

Thanks guys

Buffythedebtslayer

Juliebunny, I think you handled it all very well. Bloody hard to cut all contact and control the horrible hurt feelings. You haven't been nasty to him and have tried to do the decent thing re presents/link to help. I also didn't feel you had much anger towards the seven year old either! More that the bloke was utter !!!!!! head.


Good on you.
I also remember that line from pretty woman!
Channel the anger into something useful or punch a pillow!


Take care X

paulineb_2

juliebunny wrote: »

Honestly, it was all really sudden, one week he was declaring his undying love for me and then all of a sudden the child kicked off again!!! I'm actually still in shock.

She was outright nasty to me once last year and he told me then that he wasn't going to be dictated to by a 7 year old, so I have no idea what happened in between.

Maybe he did use her as an excuse but I don't think so, he really is on the verge of obsession when it comes to the kids. Classic absent father overcompensating so I'm told....I found out a friend of a friend is in the very same situation as I was and I've shared my tale with her as a word of warning to hope she handles it better than I did. I know I've made mistakes.

Don't get me wrong, if he didn't want to be with me, that's fine, and I've had my fair share of schmucks in the past, but he really never gave me any other reason for the break up than the kid. I've since opened my eyes to other problems of course that do point to the fact that when the chips were down he really was never going to stand by me. But I really wasn't expecting the bail out so quickly. He's been playing the wronged abandoned father for 4 years now, but I'm not buying it any more and neither is his family, who are all telling him he is making a rod for his own back. I guess only time will tell - by which time GOD WILLING I'll be shacked up with a gorgeous man who really loves me :rotfl:

And thank you so much to those of you who support the view that all children are not little Princesses - I'm so scared to say this because I know there are SO many great parents out there who I would not want to offend, but the fact is, not all adults are nice people, and those people started out as children.

What does a child have to do before we can actually acknowledge that they are awful? Tie a rocket to an animal/kill or assault or even molest another child. We all know those kids exist.

Id just say, be prepared for him to meet someone else and very possibly quite quickly. Just because hes messed up with you and clearly he has, doesn't mean that he may not meet someone else who is willing to take this situation on.

For what it's worth, some children aren't angels. There are some kids in the area where I live who don't get the best parenting and then some and are allowed to run wild and some of them run about abusing people verbally and physically, Im talking about kids at 9 or 10 years old. Ive been on the receiving end of both. One of my neighbours sons tried to chase me downstairs with an iron bar. I wouldnt be lining up to say anything very much positive about him even though I know its the mum's fault for most part.

What I took from your posts about one being nice and one not so nice is that one girl was awful to you and the other not. It really cant be nice to be slap bang in the middle of a situation where a child is manipulating a relationship. If the father had been worth his salt he would have tried to continue a relationship with you and not allowing a 7 year old daughter to dictate what happened. Of course his relationship with his daughter is important. But the daughter is ok with her mum having a partner (her 4th you said since the split), but not her dad. But its not surprising to hear that the ex is in the background saying negative stuff about you. I think the mum probably has more influence on the daughters point of view than you realise. You are better away from all of it.

He may be saying that he wont have a gf until she turns 16. Id be very doubtful of that being the case in reality.

Chalk it up and move on. Easier said than done I know.

juliebunny

Thanks guys

TBagpuss

I would return the gifts you bought. Pass on the ones other people provided, and send a card from yourself. I would say something in the card like 'It was nice spending time with you, good luck for the future' so you are not just vanishing with no explanation. Then move on.

I presume that you were not in the habit of giving these childnre gifts before you started going out with their dad, and this was not a long term relationship where you had developed a relationship with them as a step-parents, separate to that you had with their father, so it's appropriate to simply say good bye and move on.

FatVonD

duchy wrote: »

Really ?
A year into a relationship ?

A year into a (long distance?) relationship (the OP has said she was 'dreaming of moving to be with him') where he didn't make time to see her even when he wasn't with his kids.

duchy wrote: »

Frankly this bloke is struggling - He is allowing himself to be bullied and manipulated by a child -probably because he feels guilty.

Possibly, or possibly not. We only have the OP's side of the story and the vitriol for the kids and his ex was pouring out from the first post, maybe she wasn't disguising her dislike as well as she thought.

By all means disagree with me, I can live with that but we're not all here to tell the OP only what she wants to hear (I notice she thanked your post and not mine )

Edit: In fact I notice she's thanked pretty much every post except mine :rotfl:

I can live with that too

juliebunny

I THANK YOU.
xxxxxxxxxx

duchy

I didn't get the impression it was a long distance relationship as they have a lot of mutual friends and she's going on holiday with a relative of his.

And yes ignoring the fact they've known each other for four years -I would expect someone I was dating exclusively for a year to have the decency to end a relationship properly and with a modicum of respect for me and self respect for themselves ( especially as with so many friends in common it's inevitable our paths will cross in the future)

Do you *really* check that carefully for "likes" ? Wow