Present dilemna for exes children

juliebunny

I've removed this post. Ty for everyones kindness and advice.

sulphate

I would take the presents I had bought back, but pass on the ones that were bought by others assuming they are happy for you to still do so. Who gives a child the authority to say whether or not he can have a girlfriend, dumps you by text, and then pesters you for said child's presents?!

marywooyeah

I think what it comes down to is the impression that it will give the children if you send the presents.

You've made it clear that you don't wish to resume your relationship with your ex-partner, but sending the presents may give the impression to the children that you wish to keep in touch with them and keep a relationship with the children going.

As you say the seven year old is quite demanding, sending her a present could give the impression that she can effectively demand that her father break up with you and get rewarded for it with a present.

The fact that he is pestering you to send it just reinforces this, if it was me I would just cut all ties and return the presents for a refund.

lolavix

I wouldn't give them anything after the way he's behaved!

justanopinion

Another vote here for returning the present. Why would you give you children you are no longer connected to presents? As Marywooyeah said, a seven year old told her Dad he cannot have a girlfriend and she still gets Easter and birthday presents from the lady in question? Erm, not if I was in your position!

19lottie82

I wouldn't be passing any presents over. A shame for the eldest , yes, but the relationship is over, that's what your ex wanted. Time for a clean break.

Ignore his "pestering", this is of his own doing. If you want to tell him something, say you won't be passing the presents over because your relationship is over and you don't wan tot confuse the kids.

Pass them over to a kids charity or woman's aid.

TBH it looks like you have had a lucky escape, the whole relationship would have been dominated by a 7 year old, nothing would have changed it would have only got worse.

barbiedoll

Why give them presents now? You will probably never see them again and I don't suppose they will give you a second thought.

Take them back and get the money back if you can. You could give the money to your sister but you're not responsible for her bills. Do her an even bigger favour and point her in the direction of this site!

Hope you're feeling ok, any bloke who dumps a woman by text is not worth crying over, you're well rid by the sound of things.

quidsy

send back presents to whomever passed them to you & get refunds on the others ones you bought & give the money to your sister.

Blood is thicker than water as your ex bf has demonstrated so start looking out for your famiily first too.

Person_one

Don't send the presents, that part of your life is over and done with now, let it drop.

Has this made you question whether you'd want to enter into another relationship with a man who has children? It doesn't sound like it was something you found easy or were particularly suited to. There's a lot of anger towards a 7 year old in your post. She's only 7 and you'd been around less than a year, maybe your expectations were too high?

Best of luck in finding a nice chap without kids.

juliebunny

Removed to protect privacy.

Alikay

The relationship is over, and since the only connection you had with the children was via your ex boyfriend I'd say it would be inappropriate to give the gifts, and would return/donate/regift them.

You also seem to be very angry with the 7 year old over her behaviour and attitude. Remember she's a hurt, frustrated and angry small child, and the only way she feels she has any control in the situation is to kick off. They are also very egocentric at that age which is developmentally normal, so she won't or can't see it from someone else's point of view. It's very common for kids to behave this way when a parent takes another partner, and boils down to fear and insecurity ("Daddy didn't love ME enough to stay with me, but now he wants to live with HER!"). There has been lots written about it, and various strategies which can help....luckily it's not your problem any more.

FWIW I think you're best out of the situation based on how he's handling it.