feel so sad and lonely in my marriage

[Deleted User]

valk_scot wrote: »

If I just want to have a good general natter about nothing much I much prefer talking to my female friends tbh. They listen, they speak back to me in relevant sentences, they participate. I do think women are generally much better at this sort of free form chatter though my teenage son isn't too bad at it has to say, he often comes and has a bit of a blether when he comes in from school. Long may it continue, his future partner will appreciate it I hope!

I don't think that men cannot communicate; it's just that we're not usually interested in what women want to talk about. That's just me being brutally honest.

I'm sure it would work the other way around, if men wanted to talk for far too long about subjects that women had no interest in. Instead, we internalise it, realise women don't care, and don't talk about it.

It's amazing our species has survived really

System

I don't think that men cannot communicate; it's just that we're not usually interested in what women want to talk about. That's just me being brutally honest.

Exactly. I'm still a Mum first and foremost. Now the kids are all grown up hubby puts a distance between himself and the kids. He's not particularly interested in the day to day stuff involving the house and our children. I'm not particularly interested in cars, bikes, ebay and dare I say it, what problems he had with a circuit board at work today.

Mr_Toad

Judi wrote: »

Exactly. I'm still a Mum first and foremost. Now the kids are all grown up hubby puts a distance between himself and the kids. He's not particularly interested in the day to day stuff involving the house and our children. I'm not particularly interested in cars, bikes, ebay and dare I say it, what problems he had with a circuit board at work today.

Ooh, circuit board, ask him if he's got a schematic or diagram and we'll take a look

poet123

Different wavelengths really sums it up. I live with 4 men now (used to be five) and they really only speak when they have something to say. They don't make idle conversation, they are not programmed that way.

I have friends who meet every morning and walk to work together, if we pass them chatting as my husband drops me off at work he looks at them and laughs. He regularly says what do they find to talk about. Only a man would ask that....

valk_scot

poet123 wrote: »

Different wavelengths really sums it up. I live with 4 men now (used to be five) and they really only speak when they have something to say. They don't make idle conversation, they are not programmed that way.

I have friends who meet every morning and walk to work together, if we pass them chatting as my husband drops me off at work he looks at them and laughs. He regularly says what do they find to talk about. Only a man would ask that....

My OH regularly replies to emails in single words like "Yes" or "Four" or "Noon". I don't mean just emails to me either, I mean work emails or from friends. When I remark this is a bit terse he says that if someone sends an email asking say if he's finished the last batch of marking what else is there to say but Yes or No? As someone who will quite happily write several paragraphs to say Yes or No I don't understand this at all. But it seems to work for him.

valk_scot

ringo_24601 wrote: »

I don't think that men cannot communicate; it's just that we're not usually interested in what women want to talk about. That's just me being brutally honest.

I'm sure it would work the other way around, if men wanted to talk for far too long about subjects that women had no interest in. Instead, we internalise it, realise women don't care, and don't talk about it.

It's amazing our species has survived really

See, OH and I do have a lot of interests in common, say bicycles, bike maintenance and actual cycling. But he would no more sit and have a conversation about the best way to strip down a gear mech (this is a topic of abiding interest for me) than he would a discussion of how to make cheese sauce. But I had two fairly lengthy conversations on both these topics with a female friend last week.


Maybe he really doesn't hear a word I say...no scratch that, he always responds to words like "Bed" or "Beer" or Dinner". He'll say Yes or No fast enough then. Anything that includes the movement of dustbins though? Falls on deaf ears, every time.

coolcait

The examples and theories put forward on this thread put me in the category of 'man' (again).

That's a difficult thing for a heterosexual woman to deal with.

Or it would be, if I weren't man enough to cope.

wapow

Sandstone wrote: »

THIS - IS - SO - TRUE


I am very much like this. If I come across a problem oooooooooooh that is it!!! I think about nothing else! Just cant do it! My entire energies are consumed in thought!

wapow

Just glancing at this thread it seems most of you have told your OH that you wont talk to them or go out with them or do this or that...Basically you have given every guy what he wants which is to stop the nagging.
Peace at last I bet hes thinking!
He only needs his hands!


You guys think in reverse gear I swear. What do you do if the stereo is low? INCREASE THE VOLUME.


Hes not paying attention? Talk all day and night.
Get in his way.
Go into his space
Walk into the garage and start clearing !!!! out to make space for your crap.
Get in bed and hog the blanket.
Make yourself two cups of coffee and drink them both.
Switch about the cupboards so you've moved the plates and cups and spoons then disappear.
Hide the charger
Hide the remote
Glue the toilet seat down


Do we have to teach you everything? Wheres the challenge !!!!!!.
"Oh im not gonna do this anymore blah blah"

prowla

Prothet_of_Doom wrote: »

Telly. My wife will just turn over if she wants. Not even ask.

Music? She hates my music. And will turn it off as she walks past on the way to the kitchen, saying "This is rubbish"

Should I divorce her ? :rotfl:

Definitely a case for the Spanish archer.